Family Ties

I can't believe we're going to miss our plane to London

because of Mallory.

We're not going to miss the plane.

We're 10 minutes away from the airport,

the flight leaves in 10 minutes.

Well, I hate waiting around airports.

It's not Mallory's fault, Alex, we're late.

We had to wait 45 minutes for you to comb your hair.

Hey, Jennifer, do you mind?

I want to make a good first impression on Europe.

Well, you might as well try them,

it's too late for America.

Flight 316 to Rome is now boarding at Gate 4.

All passengers should now be onboard.

Great, thank you.

Thank you.

All right. Will do. Bye-bye.

Now boarding at Gate 9.

A little further. Here we go. All right...

You want to take the window? Go ahead.

Jen, can you put this up there?

Oh, my God, wait, we can't go to London.

The plane can't take off.

Why? What's the matter?

I forgot to pack my blue dress.

Oh, we can't go.

We can't go. Mom, you tell the pilot,

I'll break it to the other passengers.

Yeah, excuse me, ma'am, I have some bad news...

No, Alex...

Never mind, sorry.

You think you're so hot, Alex,

just 'cause you got one little study scholarship to Ox-blood.

It's not "Ox-blood," Mallory, it's Oxford.

It's one of the most prestigious institutes of higher learning

in the entire world.

Says you.

Shame on you, Steven,

baby pictures out already? We haven't even taken off.

I'm sorry.

Couldn't we have taken him, Elyse?

Honey, he had a cold.

Andrew can't travel with a cold.

It was either leave him at home with my mom,

or cancel the whole trip.

I know, I-I know.

But couldn't we have taken him, Elyse?

Oh, honey, It was just a little cold.

Now, I know you're going miss him,

but it'd be foolish for us

to spend the whole time worrying about him

and pining over him and...

Gee, isn't that a cute one there, huh?

Yeah, with his sled.

You are late.

I'm sorry...

I don't want excuses.

Do you have the film?

You have made this journey very dangerous for me now.

Got my pillow, got my book, got my honey.

I'm all set.

Okay. Just sit back and read.

I won't talk to you. You're on vacation.

I'll... I'll just talk to the person

who sits next to me.

No.

Well, why not?

Because, Elyse, whenever we fly,

you always talk to the person sitting next to you,

and then we wind up spending the entire flight

listening to some boring guy

telling us his whole boring life story.

Hi.

Hello.

What line of work are you in?

On Behalf of British Caledonian Airways,

we would like to welcome you onboard our nonstop flight

to London Airport Gatwick.

We ask you please

to give your attention to the cabin attendants.

I don't know. Who will now demonstrate

the safety features of this aircraft.

The exits are now being pointed out by the cabin crew.

As we are flying over the Atlantic Ocean,

we are required to demonstrate the use of your life jacket,

which is situated under your seat.

Oxygen masks will be presented from the overhead panel

or the seatback in front of you.

So then when Alex won his scholarship to Oxford

we just thought we'd make it a whole big family vacation...

Excuse me, but you can't possibly have a son

old enough to be attending Oxford.

Oh, I, uh, I do.

I don't believe it.

Well, I, uh, I do. It's true.

It can't be.

Well, it is.

That's remarkable.

I got married at a very early age.

I was 11-and-a-half.

Oh, allow me, please.

Is this yours?

Yes, the beige one. Thank you.

I'll get my stuff here.

It's been a lovely journey.

I've enjoyed having you as a seatmate.

The pleasure's been all mine, Mr. Markham, thank you.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Honey, you know, that charming Mr. Markham is so nice,

why don't we ask him to join us in our hotel for dinner?

Oh, Mr. Markham, my wife and I were wondering if you'd like

to drop by our hotel this evening and join us for dinner.

Maybe some other time.

Talking to that guy on the plane.

Flight 461 nonstop to Paris is now arriving at Gate 7.

Well, I guess dinner's out.

All arriving passengers must pass through customs

before boarding connected flights.

I can't wait until we get out and really see London.

Everyone said we'd feel jet-lagged for a few days,

but I feel great. Don't you, Steven?

Ste...

Steven!

He's with me. Honey.

Good morning, honey.

Sir, madam.

Come on, let's go.

Elyse, I love you dearly,

but I resent the fact you don't get jet lag.

Other than that it's a perfect marriage.

It's time for breakfast.

How can we be having breakfast?

It's only 2 in the morning.

Two in the morning in America. We're in England.

It's 8 in the morning here.

You'd think the two countries

would get together on this one simple thing.

What are you having for breakfast, Mal?

I don't know. What are "kippers"?

Cured herring.

What have they been cured of?

Nothing.

Then I don't want any.

Do they have toast in England?

Yeah, I think a boatload just came in this morning.

Alex, you don't have to be so sarcastic, okay?

We're in a foreign country.

We do not know for sure if they have toast here.

Mallory, the United States

was started by people from England,

they had toast before we did.

Oh, yeah? Who invented it.

Alfred Toast.

Okay.

Doesn't seem as though they suspect anything.

We shall have no trouble retrieving the brush from them.

They seem like nice people.

Whether they are nice people or not is irrelevant.

They have what we want and that makes them the enemy.

"Enemy."

Such a strong word, Frederick.

I'm not saying we should go to the theater with them,

but really they're... They're not our enemies.

Why did you become a spy, Luther?

My parents pressured me into it.

I wanted to be an orthodontist.

Okey-dokey, I got the whole day planned out.

Now, I have to be at Oxford at 2:00,

but we can still see all of London's

major tourist attractions

between now and then.

If we follow my carefully constructed plan.

This ought to be good for a laugh.

Okay, now, right now we are here.

No, we're not, Alex, we're here. Yeah.

She's right, honey. We're over there.

Yeah, Alex.

Well, that kinda throws a wrench into the works.

Looks like they're getting ready to leave.

We should make our move.

Right.

What is our move?

To get the brush.

Of course.

How?

Just stay here.

Excuse me, madam.

Would you happen to have a hair brush I could borrow?

A hair brush?

This must be an old English custom, Elyse.

We don't want to offend him.

Lend him your brush.

Of course.

I'm sure I have one. I know I packed an extra one.

Oh, yes, an extra one.

That's my favorite kind.

Yeah, well...

This one must be yours, Mallory, I've never seen it before.

I'm sorry, I-I-I can't find it.

I have a comb.