Crrush

I had never really known what summer holidays were like.

As soon as the final exams were over.

my parents would commit me to a summer class prepping me

for the next academic year.

The classes would end with the summer

and a new academic year would start immediately.

Year after year went by without me realizing it

and one fine day my intermediate exams were over.

My SAT and TOEFL were over.

I was sitting around and waiting for my college admission

in the U.S to come through.

For the first time in my life I was free for an entire summer.

I literally had nothing to do, nothing to prep for.

But, my cousin who returned from the U.S

after completing his first year under-graduation,

made sure I was occupied for the summer.

Hey, Ravi!

Arun's family is coming home! Wake up.

Can you see how they are coming in herds?

Let me take care of them!

How are you?

You could have come home first.

We could have gone to the airport together.

It was late by the time we started in Nizamabad,

so we had to go to the airport directly.

Arun... - Uncle.

Arun you have turned fairer after going to the U.S.

Are you rubbing shoulders with the white people there?

Nothing like that Uncle.

Hi man! - Hi.

Let's go inside.

If someone wants to take a shower, water is hot and ready.

Dear tenant gentleman who hasn't raised the rent in six years.

Are these your guests?

My sister, my brother-in-law and their son Arun.

He's come from the U.S.

How long will they be staying?

Not long.

They will leave in a short while.

They live in Nizamabad.

They came to receive their son at the airport.

Will they be showering here?

Not at all.

They will leave after lunch.

I don't know what you've been cooking

but I'm getting a strong masala smell upstairs.

Make sure your guests don't use the toilets too frequently.

For a small job tell them to manage with one mug of water,

if it's a big job tell them to do it somewhere

on their way to their town.

Bad fate!

What did you light those incense sticks?

Our house owner's nose must be handing outside his window

to smell if we are cooking any meat.

I made Arun his favourite mutton fry.

He's even telling us how and when to use the toilet.

He is a big cartoon character.

We've been dealing with his madness for 10 years.

Not able to handle his torture,

the other tenants in the building vacated the place

foregoing their deposit.

It's lying vacant for about six months now.

Did you think of moving to another place?

This place is close to everything.

I don't think we'll find anything in the city for this kind of rent.

Put all the bones in this bowl.

Hi Uncle. Hello Aunty.

C'mon boys.

Arun,

from next year these three guys will keep you company in America.

Why don't you get your plates and join us.

No Aunty. - We ate.

Hi... - Hi...

Did you get your admission letters?

That's the only thing pending.

All three of them have scored well in the SAT and TOEFL.

They've really mugged up on American culture, politics and history.

If you guys think you know everything, you're wrong.

There is still some stuff you don't know.

Don't worry I'll bring you to speed before you board the plane.

Okay, Uncle.

I gave Arun a crash course before he left.

Was the knowledge useful Arun?

How come no Insta posts? You're very busy?

Two part-time jobs and college.

Not having any time at all.

I'm working on the weekends also.

My dad asked me to pay off the student loan by myself.

How's it going there bro? Campus full of chicks?

Not just full, it's housefull.

But nothing in it for us, no one really gives a damn about us.

What are you saying? I heard girls there are crazy about Indians.

Where did you hear that?

At first they are a little attracted to our brown skin.

and later when they come to know that

we are useless they just ignore you.

What do you mean we are useless?

We ace academics but when it comes to social skills we know nothing.

Without a social life it can be hell for guys our age.

What are you talking about dude?

About girls.

Every guy has a girl there.

We just hang our tongues dripping with saliva and watch them.

No girl there really notices us.

They start everything there by the time they are 13, 14 years old.

At that age we are cooped in classrooms for 18 hours a day.

By the time they come to college

the kids there have the experience of porn stars.

By the time we go to college, 99 percent of us are virgins.

If they get to know that one is a virgin...

they look at you like you have some kind of a disease and avoid you.

I made a big mistake by going to America without any experience.

How did they come to know that you were a virgin?

Stop licking me like that.

Why are you licking me?

You are white... like curd rice.

I like curd rice very much.

When curd rice finishing I lick like that only.

I like curd rice.

Stop it. I'm not curd rice ok.

Where's the condom?

Here. - Well, open it.

One second...

One second...

Where are you going? - To get scissors.

What..?

wear it.

Ready.

Why did you wear it on your fingers.

My uncle told me.

Your uncle told you to wear it on your fingers?

Yes, my uncle is very knowledgable about these things.

Arun, it's very important to be safe in life.

Yes uncle.

What should you do to be safe in the rain?

Carry an umbrella. - Very good.

How can you be safe while riding a bike?

By wearing a helmet.

Excellent.

And to be safe while swimming?

Wear a life jacket.

Super.

Likewise, to be safe while having sex you should use a condom.

Ok uncle.

Wearing it is very simple.

Just like how you would wear a sock. Like this.

You know what, you and your uncle are both stupid.

Wait a minute... are you a virgin?

Yes.

Oh God! Alright, wear it.

Not possible now.

Not possible? Why?

Some more time I want. - What?

Mummy!

She went and told her friend that I was useless.

That friend told her boyfriend and in no time

the whole campus knew that I was incapable of sex.

They even nicknamed me Mamma-mia.

Mamma-mia?

That's it. After that not a single girl spoke to me.

Please guys, if you want to go to America please follow my advice.

Nobody can beat us there in academics,

but we can't be with books 24X7.

If you want to enjoy life there,

learn everything here, practice well and go there.

Don't follow your dad's advice.

It can be disastrous.

Arun... - Mummy.

Let's go.

When you come to drop him at the airport again,

please come a day early and spend over at our house.

Surely.

Uh... maybe not.

He may object to use the toilet for big jobs and small jobs.

Forget about him but please do come.

God knows how much water they must have used!

They couldn't have.

I shut off the water in the morning itself.

All the best.

Bye. - Bye.

Bye.

Please come when Arun is leaving.

Ok.

Bye uncle. Bye Auntie.

Bye uncle. - Bye.

Did work out well ... ?

Mamma-mia! - You! fool.

Bye. - bye.

Come!

I was really kicked about going to America

but your cousin just deflated all my dreams.

How can we possibly acquire sexual knowledge instantly?

How can we possibly get the porn star experience of those Americans?

We just have another two months.

How can we possibly find girls and learn everything in just two months?

Arun confused the hell out of me.

I thought I was going to America to study,

never thought of this other angle.

What should we do now? - Good question.

"He came from abroad He got us in a spot"