House

Damn it. I waited too long.

Please, come on, do something.

Come on, do something! Do something!

Couldn't have saved her.

It's your choice if you want to go back on drugs.

You think I can fix myself?

I just need to know if you and I can work.

Let me see.

It's okay.

It's gonna get infected.

Hey, you're not gonna...

You are.

Don't... Don't...

It's okay.

I love you.

So now what?

Everything's good. We don't have to talk through it all.

No, I meant it literally.

Now what?

I can make breakfast, we could go bowling...

We can stay here.

I have to go home, get dressed. Go to work.

So that's it?

I'm hoping this is the beginning of "it."

Yeah.

Mmm.

Your assistant's new.

It's a 50-50 chance he just can't find the light switch.

Hello?

Dr. Cuddy?

No, this is Dr. Cuddy's nanny.

She's feeling a little under the weather now,

so she won't be coming in today.

Oh, I hope she's all right.

Would you mind asking her if...

No, can't do that, I'm afraid. She's locked in the bathroom.

Terrible bug going around. What's the problem?

Well, I'm sorry to disturb her, but it's Dr. Richardson.

He must have the same stomach flu.

He threw up in the OR, and I'm not sure how she'd want me to handle...

Hold on a second.

I've talked to Dr. Cuddy, and she would like you to do three things.

One, send him home, two, sterilize the OR, three, use your own brain.

See ya.

It was about puke. That's what's so important.

Puke.

Well, I guess I don't have to rush back in.

But whatever "now what" we do decide on,

it comes after you take a bath.

Here's one.

Twenty-five-year-old man with numbness and tingling in his legs

and a speech disorder, three...

Anybody see House?

It's 10:00 a.m. I'd be worried if he was here. Twenty-five-year-old...

He was in pretty bad shape yesterday, after his patient died.

House has lost patients before.

We all have. He's a big boy.

You didn't see him.

Best thing we can do for him now is find him a new puzzle to solve.

Thus bringing us back to my 25-year-old...

Yet you're the only person here without a potential case in front of you.

- I haven't found the right one yet. Oh.

I thought maybe it was because you were asking for a leave of absence

and wouldn't have time to see a case through.

- I didn't say anything. He didn't.

I saw an envelope on House's desk with your name on it,

so naturally I steamed it open.

What's wrong with you? You steam an envelope to keep it secret.

Which is why I just ripped it.

You gonna tell us where you're going?

It sure sounds like a "no."

(SIGHS) There's glass everywhere.

Couldn't you have just put the mirror down nice and gentle?

I was in a mood.

I'll be right back.

Don't get that.

It could be important.

This is important.

Right now, we are more important

than what's going on at the hospital.

So, I say we turn off our phones

and give the morning to us.

Okay. I'll go turn it off.

Thank you.

You're distracted.

I'm not.

You are. You turned off your phone,

but you're still wondering, "What could it have been?"

"What emergency will bring down the entire hospital,"

"'cause I decided to take the morning off."

I'm sorry.

The clinic is facing reduced funding from the state,

Nurse Jeffrey is filing his 12th HR complaint,

and Richardson's threatening to quit,

because he's basically been a prisoner at the hospital

for almost a week.

Richardson? The neurosurgeon.

He's the only one I have right now,

which means he has to stay on the premises at all times

or else the hospital technically isn't a level-one trauma center.

Which means?

I'd have to shut down the ER,

transfer all the patients out of the ICU...

Okay, stop. Turn around.

Why?

Because you need to relax.

Where are we going?

I am going to make you a magical bath.

It'll have bubbles and Eastern spices,

and blue diamonds, green clovers, transformative powers.

But I must have solitude to focus my creative energies.

Hello?

Interesting factoid.

Did you know that if we don't have a neurosurgeon

on the premises,

all the puppies in the world will choke to death on all the babies?

Yeah. You got a note from Thirteen...

So how come we don't have, like, five neurosurgeons?

Well, we had three, but Kapur retired,

and then Nichols just took off for his daughter's wedding.

I got good news.

For the next 16 hours, you are the new neurosurgeon.

I'm not a neurosurgeon.

Which would matter if you actually had to do some neurosurgery.

House, it's a hospital.

The odds of having to do neurosurgery

are higher than in most places.

If an EMT calls in with a brain or spinal trauma,

just divert him to the nearest hospital.

All you got to do is stand around and keep the ER open.

This is an administrative problem, not a medical one.

House, where the hell are you?

Great. Glad you're on it.

All systems go!

Why are you going to Rome?

I found the flight information in your locker.

I love how everyone thinks it's so quaint and childlike of me

to expect a modicum of privacy around here.

Your flight's tomorrow. What's so urgent in Rome?

I hear they wanna tear down the Colosseum to build a karaoke bar.

The Buona Speranza Medical Center in Rome is doing a Huntington's trial.

Seriously, I live to sing.

I know that they've been doing fetal neural transplantation.

I also know that their subjects

have increased risk of intracranial hemorrhage.

This isn't the time to join their trial.

This research is in its infancy.

So is your condition.

You read my note, you go through my locker,

and then you decide you wanna round it off

by lecturing me on my life choices?

I'm worried about you.

Oh, well, that makes it all right, then.

So what exactly is this?

It's soapy, open and casual, and fun if you want.

Open?

You think I want to see other people?

Well, last night was emotional for you.

We both lost that patient, we watched people die.

I came back here, and I went for the Vicodin,

and you dumped your fiancé, and you came here.

Which I don't regret.

I'm not saying you do. I'm just saying it was an impulsive move.

Don't do this.

Why do you have to analyze things to death?

Why can't you just let it be nice?

You're right. That was very anti-secret-bath.

House?

Yeah?

The secret bath is burning my lady parts.

How do you think my anus feels?

Burning means it's working.

Can we get out now?

I was so waiting for you to say that.

Could I speak to Dr. Jankowski?

No. I don't need to disturb him in Bermuda.

Everything okay?

Dr. Cuddy's phone keeps going directly to voice mail,

and I need to get a neurosurgeon

to replace Dr. Richardson for the day

or else she's screwed and...

I'm a neurosurgeon.

No, you're not.

I've cut into people's heads more often than...

You did a residency in neurosurgery at the University of Melbourne

but you were never board-certified.

You've worked here two days, how...

Dr. Cuddy's first assignment

was for me to get to know everything about Dr. House's team.

And not to believe anything any of them told me.

I am not a neurosurgeon.

And voilé! The first course.

I have flaked some tender young ears of corn

with a side of assorted exotic breakfast meats in a chili sauce reduction.

And the second course?

A single grape. To cleanse the palate.

Which is kind of a waste, 'cause there's no third course.

I'm glad we stayed in.

This is actually pretty good.

I can always tell when you lie.