Hisaab Barabar

A man who has no money

gets no respect from anybody.

And the man who has money

never respects anybody.

Boom!

Mr. Mehta,

you brought the Delhi vibe down to Mumbai.

Mr. Mehta,

please exercise some control.

When elections come around,

a man needs to at least appear human.

Your bank is anyway

going to get merged.

Mr. Dayal, would you deny me freedom of expression

and freedom of expectation, both?

What the Do Bank has achieved in 15 years

doesn't come by staying silent.

What I'd like to know is, how do you

manage to be so honorably dishonorable?

You have no bad loans,

no bad investments,

yet you hand us crores of rupees.

How? How?

Do you know whose money is in the bank?

-The common man's? -Correct.

The common man's.

The common man works

so that we may achieve our purpose.

Try this Pule cheese.

Made from the milk of a Siberian donkey.

The common man is just like a donkey.

His interest lies in his work, and ours...

in his account.

He'll fight over 10 rupees...

so that we can run our bank.

50 rupees? What are you saying?

You get mangoes for 30 rupees!

So your account is fed

by the public account.

Mr. Mehta, you'll be the death of us...

Truly you'll get us killed.

Who's going to kill us?

Who gives a damn?

These days people count their likes and

internet data more than their money.

Who even notices 10 or 20 rupees?

Sir, wait!

Sir, stop!

Stop, sir, stop!

Sir, stop!

Sir, stop!

Where are you taking these? Hey! Give me your hand.

Here, take. You too, please have one.

Here you go, friend. See...

there's enough for everyone. Here.

I don't eat stolen oranges.

-Huh? -Correct!

Government's already looting us. If a government servant does it too,

what will become of us poor people?

I've got it on video too, man.

Hey, no, don't make me go viral.

Listen, everyone. It's not what you think.

See, when the train stopped at Faridabad,

I thought, let me buy some oranges.

Two for 20 rupees, I handed over a 100,

he went to get change, and the train started.

What could I leave behind? The oranges, or the money?

I left neither.

I took another 8 oranges worth 80 rupees,

then ran and caught the train. So I'm still legit.

Whoa, well done, well done!

Come, let's see those tickets.

Tickets, please.

-Here. -Let me see.

Let's see yours.

'All our lives, there's people who play roles.'

'We play supporting roles.'

'A starring role somewhere, a villainous role somewhere else.'

'This is TTE Radhe Mohan Sharma.'

'A topper in accounts... Number one at numbers.'

'Please pay attention the train number 1523 for Gujarat...'

Greetings, Kundu madam.

Oh ho, munching groundnuts all by yourself.

Am I by myself, Mr. Sharma?

I've got Hrithik sitting on my left, and Ranveer on my right.

-You're just teasing me. -Who started it, brother?

When you can see I'm sitting alone, do you have to make wisecracks?

It's been two years since my husband ran away.

Since then, I subsist on groundnuts and booze.

But every time I see you, it feels like home.

-Speaking of which, how long since your wife ran away? -Ah!

Here's today's penalties.

Rawat Singh, Rs. 185...

'After his father passed away,'

'he bid his dream of being a CA a tearful goodbye.'

'He took on his father's job as a TC in the Railways.'

'The Railways may be short on accountability,'

'but his accounts are always spot on.'

'Each and every bill is accounted for.'

'And he teaches kids the same.'

0.001, tally it.

-Sir, what do you eat? -What are you implying?

Sir, you can just round this off.

What's the value of 0.001?

-Come here... Come here. -No, let it be, sir.

'Come here!'

What is the value of this lone individual?

Him? Sir, he has no value at all.

And 140 crore individuals?

That makes the whole country.

Exactly!

This 0.0001 may have no value

but if you multiply it by 1 crore, it becomes 1000.

And you know the value of 1000.

That's why in accounts, each and every paisa is important.

Keep revising. It's just numbers, why fear them?

Count everything until everything's counted. I'll see you in 5 days. Bye.

See you. Bye.

"Take a cold, cold shower" Looking good, we're looking handsome today!

Thank you.

-Ready? -Let's go.

'Anyway, anyhow, anything you do'

'Never stay stuck, always make it through'

'Anyway, anyhow, anything you do'

'Never stay stuck, always make it through'

'Take your sack of good times'

'And splurge it all around'

'Stuff back into your pockets'

'All your worries for a while'

'Show the world the magic and teach them the spell'

-What's wrong? -Papa, it's potty, it's urgent.

-What? -Last game.

-Last game. -They're closing down here.

-Papa, it's coming out here. -Last game.

Hold!

Hold!

-Hold, hold... One minute, one minute. -Sir...

Go, go, go, son. Hurry. Close the door.

Five rupees per potty.

I'll pay, friend, I'll pay.

Here.

Manu, hurry up son.

-What's this? -No change.

You can have this toffee, or do another potty.

'While an ordinary man forages for five rupees to weave his quilt of dreams'

'he is often unaware'

'that someone's using his dreams as wool to knit themselves a sweater.'

Papa...

Even I want my photo taken here.

We will, son.

Papa, why did Mumma go away?

What happened, Papa?

Come here.

Son, our accounts didn't match.

All right son, get off.

Papa, we're getting late.

Hello, sir! I am Kuku Kejriwal.

-Greetings, I am Radhe Mohan Sharma. -Looking handsome, sir.

-You look just like twins. -Thank you.

-Do I have your permission, sir? -Yes, tell me.

Sir, I wish to sell you this credit card--

-I don't want one. -No problem, sir.

Body, soul and wealth, all belongs to you.

Sir, this card is wonderful... Sir, at least hear the whole offer.

-Free medical insurance-- -Oh, cut it out.

Wait, listen sir, there's lots more... Sir, sir!

Sir, how much did you say?

Rs. 27.50.

-Rs. 27.50? -Yes.

You mean, twenty seven rupees, fifty paisa only?

Yes, how many times do you need to ask?

Oh no sir, we have to ask.

It's a money matter, and Rs. 27.50 at that.

-Where do these guys come from? -What are you talking about?

-Sir, why are you wasting our time? -We're talking here.

-Papa, let's go. -Your kid's getting upset too.

Look friend, there's only Rs. 27.50 missing from my account...

-I have-- -Please write a complaint.

I've already written one. Everything's right here.

Take Rs. 27.50 from me. Why waste our time?

-Uh, next. -Wait, aren't you going to do something?

I can't do anything, sir.

Your complaint will go up, if there's been a mistake,

it will come back in 3-4 days.

-The amount? -Uh, the reply.

I see. Okay, we'll be back in three days. Let's go, son.

Fine, my friend. Go ahead.

Everyone's in a hurry here, no one's really concerned.

-Sir! -Ah!

The card is totally free. Just provide your Aadhar, PAN card,

-and six-month bank statement-- -Why are you...

I don't want it.

Sir, you're not listening-- When you understand, you'll want one.

Okay, tickets. Show your ticket.

'Mummy! Get me something to eat.'

'Sister-in-law, give me something to eat, please.'

'Pick up the plate and see. You'll find something to eat.'

'The left one's a doctor, the right one's an engineer.'

'-And the middle one?' '-Radhe, Radhe!'

'Sister-in-law, I'm not doing a religious ceremony.'