Men in Black

Goddamn bugs.

Oh, shit!

Oh, crap.

Well, Nick the Dick. What a surprise.

Where you coming from, Nick?

Fishing in Cuernavaca.

Sure you are. Let's take a look at your catch.

Come on.

Me? I would've thrown them back.

What do you get? 100 bucks a head? 200?

Hope you saved it all for your lawyer. You are gonna need it.

We'll take it from here.

Who the hell are you?

I.N.S., Division 6.

Division 6? I never heard of Division 6.

Really?

Who you got your money on, Dee?

Tough call, Kay.

- We've got a winner here. - Oh, I know.

Sir--

Don't "sir" me, young man. You have no idea who you're dealing with.

We're going to chat with our friend. You can hit the road.

Keep on protecting us from the dangerous aliens.

You ever hear of Division 6?

There is no Division 6.

- This is bullshit. - Hell, yeah.

Looks like you fell off the bus in the wrong part of town, amigo.

I'll bet dollars to pesos you're not from anywhere near here.

Mikey?

When did they let you out of jail?

Political refugee. Right.

You know how many treaties you just violated?

- One! - Try seven.

That's enough, Mikey. You hand me that head.

Put up your arms and all your flippers.

Shit.

Shoot him!

That.

...wa-wa-wa--

Was not human. I know. You got some entrails on you, pal.

What the hell?

The situation's under control. Calm down, please.

Give me your attention for a moment. I'll tell you what happened.

This is called a neuralizer.

It's a gift from some friends from out of town.

This red eye isolates...

the electronic impulses in your brains, specifically memory.

Fellas, give me a splay burn around the perimeter with holes...

at 40, 60 and 80 meters from right here. Thank you.

Good. Thank you.

- What in the hell is going on? - Excellent question.

The answer you're looking for lies right here.

Who are you, really?

Really?

I am just a figment of your imagination.

Damn, what a gullible breed.

I'm serious, fellas. You're lucky to be alive after a blast like that.

- What blast? - The underground gas vein, genius.

You should exercise a lot more caution before firing.

I'll tell you that right now. Especially you.

Have yourselves checked out with E.M.S. before you leave.

I'm sorry about back there.

That happens.

Didn't used to.

The spirit's willing, Kay, but...

the rest of me--

They're beautiful, aren't they?

What?

The stars.

We never just look anymore.

No.

I'll tell you, Kay...

I will miss the chase.

I will miss the chase.

No, Dee...

you won't.

Freeze!

N.Y.P.D., freeze!

All yours, Edwards.

Freeze means stop!

What the hell?

It just be raining black people in New York.

Do you see this?

N.Y.P.D.!

It means I will knock your punk-ass down!

He's coming!

Yeah, and when he gets here, I'll arrest his ass too.

You trying to catch a beat down?

What's up?

He's coming.

He's coming because I failed. Now he'll kill me.

You pissing everybody off today, huh?

You don't understand.

Your world's going to end.

What the hell are you?

Watch that ledge. Watch it.

Come down. We'll get those eyes fixed. Don't even worry about it.

Wait a minute. Let me talk to you!

I go out. I work my butt off to make a living.

All I want is to come home to a nice clean house...

with a nice fat steak on the table...

but instead I get this. Looks like poison.

But instead I get this. Looks like poison.

Don't you take thataway! I'm eating that, damn it!

It is poison, isn't it?

I swear to God, I wouldn't be surprised if it was...

the way you skulk around like a dog been hit too much.

Or ain't been hit enough! I can't make up my mind.

You're useless, Beatrice.

The only thing that pulls its weight around here is my goddamn truck!

Figures.

What the heck is it, Edgar?

Get your big butt back in the house.

Place projectile weapon on the ground.

You can have my gun...

when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.

Your proposal is acceptable.

Edgar, what on earth was that?

Sugar.

I've never seen sugar do that.

Give me sugar.

In water.

More.

More.

Your skin is hanging off your bones.

Oh, yeah.

Is that better?

"The perpetrator then blinked two sets of eyelids."

You mean blinked with both eyes?

No, sir. He blinked one set, then a completely different set.

You know, like high beams and low beams.

Was that before...

or after he drew the weapon that you claim evaporated into a million pieces?

After, sir.

Why is it that no other officers saw either of these events?

Some other officers are soggy around the midsection.

I guess that's why they couldn't keep up.

If you were half the man I am--

What the hell? I am half the man that you are.

- What is your problem? - You being all up in my damn face.

- I think he threw him off the roof. - Maybe you're next.

- I want to talk to you. Now. - Ten minutes, take your best shot.

Take ten minutes on a Stairmaster, you pudgy bastard.

I believe you. Laurel Weaver, Deputy Medical Examiner.

Find me at the morgue on 26th. I'll show you.

Wait.

Wait a minute!

You're Dr. Weaver with the coroner's office working on the John Doe?

- Yes, that's right. - Will you look at this, please?

Some night, huh?

Yeah, some night.

They were gills, not eyelids.

Gills. He was out of breath.

Who are you?

Did he say anything to you?

Yeah, the world was coming to an end.

Did he say when?

Would you recognize his weapon if you saw it again?

Absolutely.

Come on. Let's take a ride.

Wait a minute. Look, I got tons of paperwork--

- Right. It's all done. - Good work, Edwards.

You really ran this dude down on foot? That's tough, kid.

That's double tough.

So who exactly are you with?

So who exactly are you with?

F.B.I.? N.S.A.?

I'm part of a bureau that licenses, monitors and polices...

alien activity on the planet Earth.

Whatever.

We're here.

- This is where we're going? - Yeah.

This is Jack Jeebs' spot. He buys from chain snatchers.

- He doesn't even sell guns. - Really?

All right, look.

I'll slide in and put my thing down. But when I come out I want answers.

Go put your thing down.

Officer Eduardo.

How did these get here? I thought I turned them in to the authorities.

The way I hear it you're into something hotter than stolen Rolexes.

I'm a huge crack dealer now, but I work here as I love the hours.

I'm talking about guns, smart ass.

- Weird ones. - Come on. What you see is what I got.

Why don't you show him the imports, Jeebs?

- Hiya, Kay. How are you? - Show him the imports right now.

I got out of that business a long time ago.

- Why do you lie to me? I hate it. - Just hold on a second.

- I'm gonna count to three. - He'll do it, Jeebs.

- One... - That man does not look stable.

- He's crazy when he's like this. - He's always crazy.

Why don't you get a massage? Take a cruise.

- Drop the weapon. Hands on your head! - I warned him.

- Drop it! Don't make me kill you. - You warned him.

You insensitive prick!

Do you have any idea how much that stings?

Show us the merchandise or you'll lose another head, Jeebs.

Mr. Edwards?

Right there. The one in the middle.

You sold a reverberating carbonizer with mutate capacity...

to an unlicensed cephlapoid! Jeebs, you piece of--