Happy Days

Boy, Perry Mason sure has one tough case on his hands.

Who do you think killed that uppity?

The uppity debutante, Howard.

I bet it was the jockey.

The jockey?

Marion, how could you possibly think it was a jockey?

The uppity debutante was strangled.

Now, she was 5'11 ", he's only 4'9".

Well, maybe she bent over for him.

Hey C's.

Oh, I want you to perk up your ears because you're going to have an audio party here.

Richie wrote me a letter.

Oh, wonderful.

Howard, if you can tear yourself away from the set for a second.

Richie has written a letter from the Army.

All right, go ahead.

I'm listening.

I'm just going to turn the sound down.

Oh, please, could I read it?

Oh, Mrs. C., I think I'd better read this letter.

Oh, Arthur, please.

Well, Mrs. C., why don't you go right ahead and read that letter then?

All right.

Dear Fonzie, hello from Fort Silverman.

Enclosed is a picture of me in my GI haircut.

Oh, yeah, I got that right here.

Oh, Howard.

He looks like a cat.

Sandlow.

Read the letter, Marion.

I applied for the job as editor of the camp newspaper, but they assigned me to latrine duty.

The guy that got the job as editor used to be a plumber.

That's the army, all right.

Ralph is doing better, but still begs the sergeant to leave the light on at night.

He told four guys from back east all his moron jokes.

They invited him out for a drink in the lake.

Ha-ha.

He wrote ha-ha.

Yeah.

Speaking of jokes, Fonz, here's one you can tell down at the garage.

These two marines sneak into the nurse's quarters.

This one nurse just got out of the shower and...

Oh, my.

That's why I wanted to read the letter there, Mr. C.

All right, the nurse got out of the shower.

I like that joke.

I like that joke.

All right.

All right, back.

Your pal, Private Ritchie.

Yeah.

He sounds thin.

Oh, come in the kitchen.

Quick.

Hey, I'm not hungry, Mrs. C.

No, Joanie's coming home from a date, and she doesn't like it if she sees us

looking runny like we're waiting for her to come home.

Now, Marion, are you crazy?

Now, I'll never know who murdered the uppity debutante.

It was the jockey.

Well, how could he, uh... He had a ladder.

Oh, I see.

Thank you, Chachi.

I had a wonderful time.

Yeah, me too.

You know, that was the best science fair the school ever had.

They're not here.

Oh, will you look at them?

Why does Joanie have to go steady?

She should just play the field.

Oh, come on.

Joanie and Chachi really care for each other.

You know, we're talking electricity here.

Well, she's too young for...

Listen, hey, you kids are getting too much in a lather.

You know, you got to relax a little bit.

Have a cookie.

I'll take care of it, I promise.

You all right?

Excusez-moi.

We're making the parents crazy here.

Come on, let's go.

All right, all right.

Here we go, nice and gentle.

Okay.

Say goodbye to Joanie.

Say goodbye from a distance.

From a distance, back right out the door.

We'll speak to you later.

He's crazy about you.

Hey, will you get your lips off the door?

Hi, Joanie.

Hi, Daddy.

Hi, Joanie.

Hi, Mom.

Howard, speak to her.

Yeah.

Joanie, your mother and I feel that although Chachi is a very nice boy,

you might be seeing too much of him lately.

So for the next couple of weeks, we'd rather you wouldn't.

I couldn't do that.

I'd just die.

Well, now, it's just for two weeks, and you can date anybody else you want, but not him.

I'd never do that.

I'll give you your own phone.

It's a deal.

Oh, Howard, I'm glad you're home.

Where's Joanie?

She's talking on her phone to Chachi.

Again?

But doesn't she realize that that defeats the whole purpose?

I mean, she's supposed to be going out with new boys.

Face it, Howard.

She's bamboozled you.

Oh, contraire, Marion.

I didn't just fall off a tomato truck, you know.

You did once, Howard.

I was pushed, Marion.

Would you let me finish?

I brought home Joanie a date.

A blind date?

Started working part-time down at the hardware store.

Nicest boy you ever want to meet.

And he works for less than the minimum wage.

That's probably it.

Oh.

Marion, this is Wilbur.

Well, how do you do, Wilbur?

Oh, you brought flowers for Joanie.

Why, no.

These flowers are for her lovely mother.

Well, thank you, Wilbur.

They'll be just lovely down at bowling.

Oh, Joanie, come on down here.

I'm on the phone.

Hang it up.

I got a surprise for you.

This day is going down in my diary.

First, I got to set up the new shellac display.

And now, a date with a girl.

Well, yikes!

Where's my surprise?

Joanie, this is Wilbur.

Hi, Wilbur.

Now, where's my surprise?

The surprise is that Wilbur is taking you out tonight.

Yikes!

Gee, I'm really sorry, but I can't go out with you because my hair's dirty.

Oh, so is mine.

There, you see?

You both have so much in common.

Oh, well, I'll go get my sweater.

Oh, Ty, Dad.

Well, uh, we've got to hurry, dear.

We're late.

A lovely girl.

She favors you, Mrs. Cunningham.

Oh, what a nice boy.

Oh, and you should see the shellac display.

Okay, baby.

It's party time.

Make way for Wild Willie.

Oh, my gosh!

The knife, the knife bashing through.

Don't touch me, I'll scream.

I love an athletic woman.

Oh.

I can't get it open.

It seems to be locked.

Will somebody please open the door?

I forgot my bowling shirt.

Why was the door locked?

Why are your glasses all upside down?

Oh, I thought I was upside down.

Thank you.

Here's, uh, here's your bowling shirt.

You're a nice boy.

Daddy.

Hey, what?

I'll kill him!

Howard, that boy is a guest!

Chachi, what are you doing here?

Now, you agreed not to see me for two weeks.

You're gonna blow my phone.

Would I come here if it wasn't important?

We only have four more days to go.

Call me.

But I have to say, it'll only take a minute, okay?

Okay.