What We Do in the Shadows

The sun may have just set,

but we're just getting started.

Which is fitting because we are in the city that never sleeps.

Although, Toby here could use a little more beauty sleep.

- Ouch, Bran. - What?

Uh, we're twins, remember?

Hey, brothers. Can't live with 'em...

Uh, I think you forgot to say, "Can't live without 'em."

- Who says I forgot? - Uh-oh.

Anyway, Bran and I have seen the worst...

- Of the worst... - ...of home disasters,

but today, we are here in Staten Island...

- I'm Bran Daltry. - And I'm Toby Daltry.

- And we're... - The Daltry Brothers.

- And this is... - Go Flip Yourself.

I'm Bran,

and this knucklehead over here is my brother Toby.

Hey.

Now, we may not get along all the time,

but one thing we do agree on

is turning people's dream homes into reality.

Staten Island, New York.

Home to the world famous Staten Island Ferry,

a blossoming real estate market,

and the Daltry Brothers' toughest challenge yet.

Yikes, what a mess.

Hey, don't be so hard on yourself, you knucklehead.

Bran, I was talking about the house.

Take a look. You got crumbling statues.

- I see them. - You got overgrown lawn,

- and... - Mm-hmm.

What am I smelling? Is that sulfur?

Yeah, I'm getting notes of, uh...

...decomposing animals. Pee-yew-y.

Yeah, I think someone should call an exterminator, too.

Hey, it's nothing a little brotherly love can't fix,

- so... - Whoa.

- Look out. Wow. - What is that?

That is a big bone.

Yeah, I hope the big dog that buried this one

is a friendly fella.

Now, the owners of this house have

- no idea that we're here. - Doesn't matter.

They were told to keep the door unlocked,

so that the "power company" could "check the meter."

And y'all know what that means.

It's ambush time!

Come on.

Okay.

Who's ready to get down and dirty

and a little bit flirty?

What the?

- Am I on Go Flip Yourself? - Yes, you are.

My name's Laszlo. I'm such a fan.

- My name's Bran. Ah. - I know who you are.

- Initially, the twins aspect... - Mm-hmm. Yeah.

- ...confused me slightly. - It does a lot of people.

- And then I watched three seasons... - Yeah?

...and then I realized that, uh,

- you're both very different. - Sure.

In posture and personality.

We need to fix this house.

Tell me about it. I sent my tape in months ago.

Bran and Toby certainly have

their hands full with the

quirky owners and decor of this mixed-up mansion.

All right, guys, so little bit of a hiccup out the gates.

My brother Toby's a little under the weather,

so he's gonna sit this one out.

I mean, typical Toby, right?

Leaving all the hard work for this guy to do.

But when they saw how down we were

about Toby taking a sick day,

the owners of this house...

And I'm just gonna say this about them...

They are very spiritual people.

They led me and the whole crew on a very special

guided meditation, you know, just to re-center us.

And you will forget that Toby is dead,

and that he was murdered by me.

A girl has got to eat.

And, instead, you will think

that he is just temporarily sick.

Hashtag it worked.

So, now...

...we got to get back to the task at hand,

and, oh, boy, it's a doozy.

Plus, we just want Toby to be proud of this episode

when he sees it, after he shakes off the mild flu.

When the owners first saw this

8,474-square-foot home,

it was love at first sight.

And that was so long ago, they say

they can't even remember when they first moved in.

But since then, things have changed.

Railroad employee and part-time graphic designer,

- Laszlo... - I wish I could get this

printer to work.

...hates living in this dated house

that lacks adequate storage space for him and his nephew

- Colin. - Bang!

What have I told you about touching my hat?

- Pow! - To be blunt,

this house is a hole.

And I think only Bran and Toby are capable

of helping us "embrace our space."

- Go on, bugger off. - To quote the brothers themselves,

from episode 113,

"Midcentury Mess,"

"This house is all kinds of

Frank Lloyd Wrong."

Nandor and Marwa are newlyweds

with a passion for cooking,

but without enough space

- in their cramped kitchen. - Sorry.

And they can't seem to agree on how to make

their master bedroom their happily ever after.

So, yes, we are technically newlyweds,

but it feels like we've been together forever.

I would describe my style

as French country

meets shabby chic.

And I would describe my style

as French country meets shabby chic.

But I also like modern.

I like to have an indoor sink,

a floor that is not dirt.

Me, too. I like everything that he likes.

So, if he says that we need a change...

Change is not always a good thing.

I mean, sometimes, you make too many changes,

and then, before you know it,

you realize what you thought you wanted

is, in fact, very annoying.

Guillermo and Nadja have their hands full

running a successful nightclub,

and when they come home to these cramped

- living quarters... - Where is the thing?

...tensions can run hot.

The thingy-thing. The thing that controls...

- ...the heat at the nightclub. - A thermostat key.

- Right? - Yes.

It's on a chain around your neck.

Nice try.

- Whew, this is a big house. - Yeah.

Okay, guys, let's talk about

design options within your budget.

- Great. - Now, here's the question:

How much are you guys comfortable spending

in order to give this old house a...

...facelift?

All of it. All our life's savings.

- Whatever you need, you knucklehead. - You're the knucklehead.

- You're the knucklehead. - Who you calling a knucklehead?

Look at this.

- Where'd you get that shirt? - What?

Where-Where'd you get your shirt?

From a shop. Off.

Okay, we're getting a little off track here.

Let's focus, guys, 'cause, clearly,

this living room is not working for anyone.

What the is that supposed to mean? Some of us

happen to like waterlogged mahogany

and soaking wet pillows that smell of cheese

- and moldy stuffed bears. Thank you. - Yeah...

Clearly, we're not nuts about the full-size tree

that fell through the wall.

Left a gigantic hole

where raccoons and squirrels can just come and go

and nest in our furniture, so...

I don't know, I don't mind it.

As you can see, I gave that a bit of a trim

using the Milwaukee M18 Fuel Lithium-Ion chainsaw,

used in your commercials.

"Milwaukee, nothing but heavy duty."

Home renovations can be an emotional process.

- Let's do it. - Now, I have to convince the owners that

we're not here to destroy their memories,

we're here to help them make new ones.

Okay

And, boom, we knock out all the walls.

Make an open concept first floor.

It's gonna create much better flow and, most importantly,

it's gonna bring in tons of natural light.

- I love it, it's perfect. - Thank you.

- I don't think that's perfect. - And...

we can also get rid of this dated and awkward storage

and replace it with a master

his-and-hers mega-closet. Yeah.

- Fantastic. - With custom shelves

for all of Nadja's shoes and her doll.

Plus, a dedicated hat wall

with hat racks for all

of Laszlo's dope hats.

That cannot be our house.

You're right, that cannot be our house.

- This fella is the knackers. - Thank you.

Now, let's talk about that unfinished attic.

I think we should reimagine it

as a spacious master suite