Pitfall

We gotta go. It's okay.

Come on.

Come on, come on, come on.

Okay, get down, get down.

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Fuck!

Are you okay? Are you okay?

You okay? Yeah? Okay.

It's okay. Mommy's got you.

Okay.

It's okay. It's okay.

Shh.

Stay back. Be careful.

Don't look.

I don't care what you do.

- We are not going to-- - Shut up!

Please! Please, just don't hurt him, okay?

No, no, no, no.

Please, please, please, please.

Just.

I'll come back.

I'll come back with you, okay?

Please, just don't hurt him.

No!

Stay away from her, Papa!

Baby. Baby, don't.

Honey, no.

Run, Mama! He's gonna hurt you!

Mama, wake up. Mama, please wake up.

Mama, I'm cold.

Please, I-- I wanna go home.

Please.

I just wanna go home.

Please.

Scott, you're such a jerk face.

You're a jerk face.

You're from jerk medicine.

I'm really gonna miss this.

I remember when you were running around,

scraping your knees.

Seems like yesterday.

Aw, Mom, we'll always be your little babies.

And Ashley will always be a baby.

Shut up.

And you know, I suppose I could settle

for some grand babies.

Oh, settle, Mom.

Okay, that's just-- uh, a bit too soon.

I'm just trying to keep it cool, Mom, okay?

What does Gwen have to say

about all this playing it cool stuff?

Yeah, what does Gwen have to say?

Uh, Gwen and I are fine, thank you.

- Want my advice? - No.

Run.

Oh, stop.

That's good advice.

-There I was, I was 23. -Oh, boy.

My band was gonna be the next Pink Floyd.

-Here we go. -But your mom got pregnant.

So I had a choice to make.

Run away with my band The Electric Sex Machine

and take the country by storm, or stay here and settle down,

become a husband and father.

That's a tough choice. Any regrets? Ashley?

Shut up!

Oh, he's such a pain.

I mean, I probably have higher cholesterol

and, uh, less groupies than I would have,

but I'd make the same dumb mistake

again if I could.

Family is forever.

Never have I ever.

No.

Uh, yes.

-No. -Yes.

Never have I ever.

I'm not playing that with Mom and Dad.

Ash, come on.

-Come on. We could be hip. -Yeah.

-Yeah. -Oh, my God.

-Dad's hip. -I'll start it off.

Never have I ever played Never Have I Ever

with my family.

Oh, thank God.

Safe choice.

Uh, okay. Never have I ever.

Oh, never have I ever hitchhiked across the country.

-Shut the fuck up. -Too bad, you wanted to play.

-What? -Mom?

Are you nuts?

Topless, too.

Whoa!

It was the '70s. It was a different time.

Oh!

And I was not topless. It was a knit top.

Yeah, it was a pretty open weave.

- Oh. - Dad, look out!

Babe, are you okay?

Yeah, I was just, uh.

I was just thinking, uh, about today.

Mm-hmm. You had another nightmare?

No.

I was having a dream about you.

Liar.

Are you ready for today?

As ready as I'll ever be, I guess.

Not sure she is.

There's never gonna be the perfect time.

No.

She's definitely not gonna make it easy.

You just. You don't know Ashley like I do.

Jesus Christ.

I didn't know it'd be this bad.

Oh, it's okay. I'll be okay.

It's just-- it's just nerves.

This is just nerves for a weekend away

with your brother?

Well, you don't know him like I do,

Mr. Fucking High and Mighty.

I mean, it's been a couple of years, you know?

Okay. Well, I mean, we can call it off if you want.

No.

I'm not giving him the satisfaction.

You sure?

Yeah. Yeah, it's okay.

- I got it. - Okay.

That's the attitude we like for a fun weekend away,

but it's your call, babes.

Oh, God. Please don't call me that.

What you can control is yourself.

Trust that this trip is gonna be

whatever it's supposed to be and surrender the outcome.

-You're my therapist now? -No.

No, you could never afford me.

Oh, well, would you be willing to make an exception?

I'd consider it, under the right circumstances.

Or you know what?

The fresh mountain air might do you some good.

You're not, uh, you know, late, are you?

What?

- What? - Don't be stupid.

Well, I'm just, you know, just checking.

You never know. Making sure.

But hey, after this weekend,

if you're still not feeling good,

we'll go to the doctor and get it sorted.

Ooh. Oh! Cold! Cold! Okay.

Oh!

Okay, I see how it is. All right.

Joke's on you, I like cold plunges.

Save me the lecture, okay. You're not my boyfriend.

Yet.

But I'm wearing you down, I can tell.

It's only a matter of time.

- Jesus! - What the fuck, Scott?

Baby, are you okay?

- Yeah. Yeah. - Oh, my God.

What did you see?

There's nothing there.

Beautiful, huh?

Even better than you remember?

Yeah, it's all coming back to me, Scotty.

Yes!

This is what I'm talking about.

I could live here.

Ash, I got it. Idea.

Mm-hmm.

Cabin right there, right?

I'll hunt us some game.

We'll drink well water.

-Yeah. -Smoke our pipes on the porch.

What do you say?

Sounds like an absolute nightmare.

Yeah, you're right.

Real beautiful out here, guys.

Um, nice tree over there. Another good one over there.

I can imagine it.

So a little, uh, fuck cabin over there.

It's nice, wholesome.

You're a lot of fun.

Who fucking invited that guy?

How's that?

You heard me.

I'm sorry, you got a problem, flavour of the month?

'Cause I've known these fuckers since we were kids.

-Flavour of the month? -Okay, guys.

- Yeah. - Relax.

Charlie, I invited him.

Lars.

-Am I in trouble? -Yes.

Can you stop being so Lars, please?

Sure, yeah. Sure.

Look like you're a real Paul Bunyan type.

Now, starting now, I'll be less me now.

Thank you.

Jesus Christ, we're actually camping out there?

Yeah, that's what happens on a three-day hike.

There's no Airbnbs out there. What's the matter?

Scared of the woods, little Hansel?