No Silly, I Go Here

Let's give it up one more time for the birthday girl Elle Woods!

Previously on Elle...

We have something important we want to talk to you about.

Elle, we're moving to Seattle.

I know it's scary, but this is just gonna be

our new home for a little while.

I'm Elle.

Did someone put you up to this?

Oh!

- Oh. - Oh.

Sorry. Are you okay?

Yeah.

Seattle isn't a costume,

and pink isn't a personality.

Did you make any friends?

Does the school secretary count?

It's a great jumping-off point.

I don't feel like I really speak the same language as anyone here.

Get fluent in Seattle.

This is money going directly

into Donna's pocket and into the pocket of dozens of other Donnas at this school.

Thirty.

Donna! Donna!

- Donna! - Oh, you didn't hear?

Your little stunt yesterday got Donna fired.

Oh, I love your boots, Elle.

Thanks. They're waterproof.

Not that we have to worry about that here.

Oh, my God, Elle.

You look so tan.

It is L.A. after all.

Hi, Elle!

Hot Josh.

You're looking very...

Hot?

Precisely.

There she is.

Oh, Elle, you make high school look so easy.

Elle Woods!

Donna?

What are you doing in Bel Air?

Oh.

Seattle?

I wish we could wake up from this nightmare, Bruiser.

Don't you...

No. No, no, no, no,

- no, no, no, no, no, no. - Wait, baby, wait!

And that would be the third chair this week.

I'll have to toss it with the others.

I'm sorry, we're throwing out our furniture?

Our furniture that we rented?

Honey, you're, you're shaming him.

If anything, Bruiser's given us a perfect excuse to redecorate.

Didn't he, Daddy?

Grandfather? Where did we land with that?

- I-I'm not sure. But thanks, buddy. - Aw.

If our little baby won't tinkle outside in Seattle,

I'll just have to bring L.A. to him like I did for Mama Elle's room.

I'm thinking real grass,

doggy pool, heat lamp.

I think they sell soil at the farmers market co-op.

How many of those words are made-up?

A co-op. It's like a Bristol Farms under a tent.

Dad, you're home.

People in Seattle don't want nose jobs?

Turns out, people in Seattle like all kinds of noses.

Even their own.

- Wow. - Things'll pick up

once grunge runs its course.

You sleep okay, sweetie?

You have a slight case of the Birkins.

Are you still upset about that secretary getting let go?

Of course. It's awful.

Donna was such a kind person. She didn't deserve this.

Well, wasn't she caught embezzling funds and forging documents?

I mean, Al Capone was arrested for less.

But her heart was in the right place.

The court of public opinion wanted to hang

your old man not too long ago.

If you want to throw her a bone, I'd be happy to put a call in

- to our crisis manager. - The one

that convinced you to move to the city God and Gucci forgot?

Yeah. Yeah, we'll be there.

Good morning, Kimberly.

Happy Monday, Pink Slip.

Oh, this isn't a slip.

It's more of an alpaca tweed.

She doesn't get it.

Of course she doesn't.

Anyway,

per Donna's unjust termination,

I thought maybe we could rally the student body and do something nice in her honor.

For example, when the Oscars snubbed Anjelica Huston

for The Addams Family Values,

my friends and I collected money for a chimp sanctuary.

I don't think she's kidding.

Elle, I'm sure Anjelica Huston loved knowing

that you and your friends found a way to make her awards season all about you.

- Oh. - But wouldn't the best way

to honor Donna have been not getting her fired in the first place?

Basically, no one wants to be seen

- with you. - Yeah, she gets it, Katie.

Anyway, I'm gonna go honor Donna by being really bummed,

and you can go do whatever you need to do to make this all about you.

Elle? I just got your emergency page.

One-eight-seven?

Does that mean bad haircut, or are you being held at gunpoint?

I don't make everything about me, do I?

Of course not.

You're notoriously bad at accepting a compliment.

It's one of your most endearing qualities.

Stop.

Wait,

why aren't you at school?

Oh, there was an earthquake this morning.

Oh, my God. You should've 187'd me.

It wasn't bad.

It just... It messed with our collective chi.

I miss earthquakes.

My dad's new girlfriend is using it as an excuse

to have me chauffeur her around all day.

So now I'm waiting

outside the Polo Lounge like some kind of...

Pause.

I just found a way to get you home.

Cosmo's doing a semester-long internship in L.A.

Oh, my God.

My parents would have to let me move back for something like that.

I'd be a shoo-in

- at CULA. - You could live

in our pool house.

You know that singer that my dad thinks is gonna be the next big thing?

She just moved out. Christina...

Aguachile or something.

Okay. Tell me

how to win immediately.

Okay, I think you just need to choose from a few

of these essay prompts. Um...

Mm. Oh. Here.

"Cosmo girls get knocked down, but they get up again.

When things get bad,

how would you stage your comeback?"

How do you stage a comeback?

I think

you just have kids or go on SNL.

But I'm a virgin, and I can't wait until Saturday.

I could write about Donna's comeback.

I can help her get rehired.

She really deserves a second chance here.

Wait, but isn't that kind of hard?

You're Elle Woods.

I've seen you open six cans of Fanta without breaking one acrylic nail.

I did do that.

Okay, I can do this.

I'll get Donna her job back, crush this essay,

and put Seattle in my rearview.

Let's get you home, Elle.

No.

I miss CarpetMart being uncool.

Once Layne Staley rolled through, it was game over.

I'm sorry, Liz.

If I hear of anybody selling tickets, I'll let you know.

I'd ask you what CarpetMart is, but I assume you're mad at me, too.

I actually didn't even notice you.

Which, I don't know, is that worse?

Under normal circumstances, yes.

But with everyone hating me 'cause of the whole Donna thing,

invisibility is a welcome change.

The Donna "thing"?

Getting her fired.

But worry not.

This is just the origin story of Donna's epic comeback.

I have ideas to get Donna rehired.

Not number three. She hates bowling.

Weird that she hates fun for the whole family, but good to know.

And who is Judge Judy Sheindlin?

Only the most brilliant family court judge in Manhattan.

She just needs a better platform to showcase her talents.

But you're right.

She's probably busy.

Okay. People, today

we are talking mice and we're talking men.

We are talking...

...Of Mice and Men.

The book is boring. Can we read something more...

not boring?

Well, this...

"boring" book was deemed a critical part of your junior year curriculum

by the Washington State Board of Education.

So if you really have an issue with it,