Tears of a Hero

Maybe the greatest choke in golf history.

Lonnie Hawkins, on the verge of a career Grand Slam,

misses a three-foot putt, losing to Golden Fisk

and was sent off to relative obscurity.

Until now.

Last week, using just three clubs… you heard me right, three clubs,

he comes back from 11 down to win his first tournament in years.

Follows that up with a win at the Visit Knoxville Open.

Whoo!

Teamed up with a caddie that he found in a Walmart parking lot…

Suck it, you guys.

…is one win away from returning to the PGA Tour.

To all the Lonnie Hawkins fans out there, remember.

Old golfers never die,

they just lose their balls.

Hey, who all here thinks I'm gonna win my next tournament?

Yeah!

And for the record, I still have both my testicles.

Amen to that!

Their names are Alanis and Morissette.

Isn't that ironic?

Hey, drinks on me!

-Yeah! -Whoo, yeah!

No well drinks. Just beer and wine.

-Just beer. -Yeah.

-But still, on me. -Whoo!

-Lonnie! Lonnie! -Lonnie Hawkins, y'all.

-They call him the Hawk -Hawk!

He's a golfer

The greatest golfer in the world!

…is one win away from returning to the PGA Tour.

To all the Lonnie Hawkins fans out there, remember.

Old golfers never die, they just lose their balls.

Van Pelt is the man!

Yo, did you hear that, Lance? Epic.

Shut the fuck up, Jerry. Just focus, okay?

Yeah, for sure.

-God damn it! -You're all right.

Load and explode.

-Hi. -Oh my God! What?

-Oh, hey, babe. -Hey…

-Little stressed? -No, not at all.

Just… working on my swing. What's up?

Um, what did you decide about your dad?

Uh, you need an answer, like, right now?

Kinda. The engagement party's in one week.

Hell yeah, it is. My boy's getting hitched!

Well, engaged. What's the big deal?

I just gotta know.

Wouldn't it be weird to not invite him, though?

I mean, we're inviting, like, half the Tour,

even assholes like Golden Fisk and Anton Floyd.

Well, yeah, but they're gonna show up.

Yeah.

You don't wanna be all stressed out and disappointed

like you were at Old Henry's funeral, do you?

No, you're right.

-I am. -I don't need that stress.

-Yeah. -No stress.

I know how important this party is to you.

Babe, it's not just for me. It's for you too.

Well, if it was for me too, we'd probably have, like, a…

doughnut tower for my boys or something.

Hell yeah.

Okay, well… let's get a doughnut tower, then.

-Yeah? -Yo, doughnut tower!

-Cheat day! -Yeah!

-I'm gonna eat so many doughnuts. -Well, we'll see.

-I love you so much. -Love you too.

Isn't she great, Jerry?

Yeah, amazing. Ugh…

Come on, get a room.

Know what I mean?

Okay, I'll see you guys later.

Yo, what's up, what's up, what's up?

How did the Dodgers blow it? They had Ohtani on the mound.

Oh shit.

Wait, I thought you… thought you weren't doing that anymore.

-I'm back, baby! -Oh. Let's go!

-Just too damn addicting. -It is. Fuck yeah, it is.

-That's why they call it an addiction. -I got it on lock. Love that rush.

Yeah, you do.

Oh, and, uh… Jerry, I need you to cover for me.

Tell Nat I'm running late this afternoon.

Maybe just… I don't know, make something up. You're good at this.

Tell her I'm at the range or something.

Of course. Just be careful, bro.

It's nothing, man. I got it on lock.

Lock it down.

Blam! There he is!

With all this money kicking in now,

why are we staying in an abandoned parking lot?

I saw a Marriott as we were driving in.

I like parking lots.

-You were living in a parking lot. -Mmm.

You know, I get it now.

The challenge,

the mental game.

Every stroke matters.

It makes sense.

Are you starting to come around? You like golf now?

-I like money. -Oh no, I can tell.

-This? -Yeah.

I wasn't sure if you'd notice.

Oh, I noticed all right. Hard not to notice.

Well, thank you.

-This is Wilsons Leather. -Mmm.

Mmm. New season, same classics.

It's, uh, not quite broken in yet.

-It'll take time. -Of course, leather product.

Yeah. I'm not jealous of much… but I'm jealous of that.

-Mm-hmm. -Look at the craftsmanship. Gorgeous.

-I'm so glad you like it. -Stunning.

-Maybe I should get some leather. -Yeah, you should!

-Wear leather pants on the golf course. -That would be really cool.

-Okay. -Excuse me.

I don't want to bother you, but me and my family are in that car over there.

We're trying to get to Indiana where my brother's got a job for me.

We're just a little short on gas money.

-Let's see. -Well…

-What do I got? -Uh, yeah, hold on here.

There you go.

Good luck in Indiana.

-Yeah, get something for those kids too. -Thank you.

Thank you both.

Now, you don't see that in a Marriott.

Nope. No, you don't.

I'm really glad that guy didn't want my leather jacket.

-No, well… I'd have fought him over that. -That would've been hard to part with.

Wow, look at that crowd.

That's not a crowd, Sam.

Those are my people. Hawk-a-holics.

I like your strut Do you wanna go struttin'?

-Okay. -Whoo!

I like that.

Welcome, everybody, to day four of the OccuNet Classic.

I'm Shane Bacon alongside my usual sidekick James Nitties.

And James, the talk of this tournament coming in

has been one thing and one thing only, that's Lonnie Hawkins.

It sure has. His story has taken hold.

And these people are out here to see an old hero of theirs

try to win three in a row and catapult himself back up onto the Tour.

He's gonna have a fight on his hands

paired alongside Hans Korsguaard, the Dane.

Korsguaard, what a player. He is ripping it up out here today.

He could also go up to the Tour with a win, so it's gonna be a battle.

Move, let's go! Make some room.

Watch out. Make some room. Get out of the way!

How's everybody doing today? Good? Yeah?

Here to see some golf?

Well, you picked a good day, 'cause I'm gonna play the shit out of some golf.

Yeah!

Now, I know it's etiquette to be quiet out of respect.

But what do you say today we make some fucking noise?

Get your tits in there. Come on.

-Get them chanting "balls deep." -All right. You heard him.

Balls deep! Balls deep! Balls deep!

Come on! Yes.

Hoo! Whoo!

Fuck yeah!

Hell yeah!

Ho!

-Whoo! -Yeah.

Whoo!

What are we looking at?

Well, uh… Somebody fart?

Hawk! Hawk! Hawk!

-Ho-ho! -Ah-ha-ha!

Mmm!

-Let's close it up. -Yeah.

It's just another hole.

Not exactly.

It's a defining moment.

One of us will ascend the ranks of golf to its pinnacle, the PGA Tour.

The other will continue to play in the mud with the pigs.

You haven't said a fucking word all day.

This hole will dictate our destiny.

Look, I'm one stroke up, buddy.

-I got a three-foot putt here. -A lot is riding on it.

I'd love it if you'd go back to not speaking.

You will not make this putt.

I'm sorry. All the glory will go to me today.

We Danes, we have a phrase for men like you.

The man that almost wins, but never does.

-"Trist tom slap klovn." -Okay. Well, you don't need to translate.

"Sad, empty, limp clown."

-Thank you. Your English is very good. -I know.

God, remind me not to go to Dane land.

For real.

Which one do you want?

-I want the putter. -Oh, okay.

I got you.

-Oh God. You tapped my nuts. -Oh, sorry! I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

And it's just light enough to make me feel nauseous.

Sorry, man.

Looks exactly like the putt you missed at the US Open.

The one that sent you spiraling into shameful oblivion.

I'll be watching.

James, it looks like the two golfers are engaged in some friendly ribbing.