Seinfeld

The old-fashioned barbershop is, unfortunately,

becoming a thing of the past.

Now, what went wrong?

Well, first of all, he needs a $20,000 chair to make a $3 tip.

I say cut back on the chair, update the magazines.

Why do barbers always display that license?

There's no laws in hair cutting.

But show customers the back of their head. That's the one law.

I don't want to see the back of my head.

Why do I want to see something

that I won't see at any other time?

When I buy pants,

two salesmen don't lift me up by the legs and go:

"How do you like the crotch?"

If I wanted to see everything, I would've been a fly.

Well, George, we here at Sanalac like to think of ourselves

as a fairly progressive company.

We have a small, but prestigious, group of clients.

Well, a lot of people consider me, uh,

small and prestigious.

That's funny, George.

-You're very quick. -Ah, well.

I feel like I don't--

I don't have to explain every little thing to you.

You understand everything immediately.

I enjoy understanding.

I want you to have this job. Of course--

Stu Zimmer line two.

Great. Thanks.

I've gotta take this call.

Listen. I'm really glad that you came in.

"I want you to have this job.

Of course..."

-Wha... -Yeah?

That's it.

-What? -What do you mean, "That's it?"

He never finished his sentence.

He got a call, ended the interview.

"Of course," was the last thing?

Maybe he was going to say,

"Of course, I have to check with my associates."

"I want you to have this job, of course...

"the Board of Directors is under indictment

and will be serving time."

"I want you to have this job, of course...

sodomy is a prerequisite."

Oh, all right.

Why don't you just go ahead and call him?

Because he made a big deal

about how I understand everything immediately.

That's what impressed him.

So if you call to ask if you have the job,

you might lose the job.

And if I don't call--

You might have the job, but you'll never know it.

Oh.

What kind of company is it?

Rest stop supply.

-Oh. -Oh.

Good for you.

-Hey. -Yup, yup, yup.

Hey.

Shower?

Haircut.

I'm very happy with this.

-Who'd you use, Gino? -Of course.

Wouldn't let that butcher cut my hair.

What butcher?

The uncle: Enzo. Jerry uses him.

I've been going to him for 12 years.

I can't switch. I'd hurt his feelings.

You never get good haircuts.

You can get a good one today.

It's Enzo's day off. Gino's there all by himself.

Really?

Yeah, you know what? You should get one for my bachelor auction.

What bachelor auction?

Oh, it's this thing where they auction off

dates with bachelors for charity.

And you didn't ask me to do it?

I could raise enough money to cure polio.

I believe they've had a cure for polio for quite some time.

Polio?

Will you go ahead? You need a haircut.

Okay.

What are you all dressed up for?

Had a job interview.

-Yeah? How'd it go? -Good.

Of course...

Ah, Jerry!

Oh. Hi, Enzo.

You come for the haircut.

Uh, no. Actually, I was--

It's my day off,

but I take care of you anyway,

because you my favorite customer.

You been with me for so long.

You're so loyal.

Well, uh, if it's your day off--

Eh, what's the difference?

It takes ten minutes.

Well, it's...

Jerry, today I'm going to do something special for you.

I don't wanna take too much off.

Hey, who's your barber, eh?

You tell the joke,

I cut the hair.

Gino, you've outdone yourself this time.

This is the best haircut I've ever had.

He massacred you!

I know.

You look like you're five years-old.

What if I shampoo? Sometimes a shampoo helps.

You gotta start seeing somebody else.

Get out of this relationship.

I can't. He loves me.

He says I'm his most loyal customer.

Plus, he's right there on the corner.

I'd have to pass him every day when I go by.

But, you gotta do it.

I can't, I can't. I'd break his heart.

Ah.

No way my Gino did that.

It's an Enzo.

He was in the shop. You told me he was off.

So what?

So I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

You can't continue seeing him.

You're destroying yourself.

Aah!

I'm not gonna let you.

Now, if you don't call him, I will.

No, Kramer, you can't do that.

No, I'm call Gino. You'll see him.

We're gonna get that haircut fixed up.

I don't want you to call him.

All right. Gee.

You're crazy.

So, uh... I still haven't heard about that job.

Yeah, that's tough one. What are you gonna do?

I have an idea.

Yeah?

I show up.

What do you mean, you show up?

I show up.

I pretend I have the job.

The guy's on vacation.

If I have the job, it's fine.

If not, by the time he comes back,

I'm ensconced.

Hmm. Not bad.

What's the worst that could happen?

Well, you'd be embarrassed and humiliated

in front of a large group of people

and have to walk out in shame with your tail between your legs.

Yeah. So?

Yeah, I see what you mean.

I forgot who I was dealing with.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Morning. Hi. Nice to see ya. How are ya?

Good morning. Good morning.

Good morning.

How can I help you?

Uh, the name is George Costanza.

Uh, I'm starting work here today.

I was wondering if you could, uh,

tell me where my office is?

I wasn't aware that uh-- Mike!

This is George Costanza.

He's starting here today.

Welcome aboard.

Thanks, Mike. Nice to be aboard.

I didn't know Mr. Tuttle was finished interviewing.

Well, he was probably just getting anxious to start his vacation.

He wants to find his office.

Oh, well, uh...

All right, let's see... We've got two.

There's the big one down the hall there,

and the small one over here. I should ask Jack.

Oh, leave Jack alone.

Jack's got enough problems.

I'll just take the small office.

-Really? -Yes, I like to feel cozy.

I have a very small apartment.

I like to feel tucked in, nestled in.

Love to be nestled.

All right. It's 808, right down there.

Meanwhile, I'll get you the Pensky file.

You can start working on that.

Yes, of course. The Pensky file.

Can't wait to sink my teeth into that.

Wow, that Pensky.

Well, we'll straighten him out.

So, what do you do there all day?

They gave me the Pensky file.

Oh. So it's a nice place to work?

You know, I'm enjoying it very much.

I think my co-workers are really taking to me.

We're like a family.