Not Another Happy Ending

Roddy!

School.

Morning.

Get that, would you?

If you're not giving me a lift, I'll have to get another minicab.

Tristesse Books.

I've got Wuthering Heights with my year tens.

Hello. Yes?

Tristesse Books?

Tom Duval?

Oh, yeah, come in.

Just down the hall.

No--

No.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, he's a wonderful writer.

Very unremittingly bleak.

No, Tristesse doesn't publish him anymore.

Do you know what? He had a little disagreement with Tom.

Oh, yeah. She's one of my favorites. Yeah.

Yeah. She was long-listed for the Booker, you know.

Right after she was sectioned.

Au revoir! Au revoir, Monsieur Richard! Au revoir!

No. She-She-- She left-- She left too.

- Jane Lockhart. - Oh--

What are you doing?

I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean to-- I was just touching it.

Not, like, touching it. That sounds like molesting.

Like I'm some kind of pervert.

Which I'm not.

So, Young European Publisher of the Year, Runner-Up.

That's really impressive.

I have a swimming certificate.

Who the hell are you?

Jane Lockhart.

I wrote The Endless Anguish of My Father.

Oh.

Yeah.

Follow me.

Hello.

I'm busy, so I'll keep this brief.

I read your novel. I'm afraid it needs work.

A lot of work.

Please, sit down.

But it has potential, so I'm going to publish it.

I'm offering you a two-book deal.

It's going to mean a lot of rewriting, definitely a new title,

and neither of us will get rich, but...

I think you have it in you to be a writer, and, unfashionable as it may seem,

that's what I came here to find.

I believe you are--

crying. Sorry.

I didn't mean to start.

It's just-- It's been so long, you know.

So many rejections, and I have a board.

You have a board? Of rejection letters.

I call it my Board of Pain.

Well, that's completely normal.

It is?

I'm sorry. He was like this at university.

Everywhere he went, crying women.

You lot are supposed to be charming. Well, charmant, n'est-ce pas?

I told you, never speak in French to me. No, no, no.

Don't you dare! No, really!

I've never been so happy...

in all my life.

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Jane.

There is no need to be nervous.

Nervous? Me? No.

No, no, no. I'm not nervous. Not me. Yeah.

Okay, a little bit nervous.

You'll be fine.

Sorry, it's just usually I need a run-up before I start editing.

Like, uh, tea, a walk. Regret in the shower.

Or we could just begin.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. So, uh, where do you want to begin?

Well, call me crazy, but we could start at the beginning.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

You crazy Frenchman. What?

I don't know. Right. Fine.

- So you're in a good mood. - I'm always in a good mood.

No, you're not. Yes, I am.

Are you? Yes.

Oh.

So, first sentence-- I think it's so good.

It's beautiful.

**

* I fell into your eyes with an inky-black splash *

* I fell into your eyes with a shiny black splash *

* My, oh, my, cherry pie what a big, big splash *

Don't do that! Come on.

* I ran into your heart with a brutal crash *

* I ran into your heart with a full-on smash *

* My, oh, my, cherry pie It all happened so fast *

* My, oh, my, cherry pie It was so, so fast *

* Like rain that falls without a warning *

* On a sunny morning *

* This is how we met *

* Like sugar in my cup of coffee *

* Apples dipped in toffee *

* This is how we met *

Well, actually, I'm reading it right now.

"I shut my eyes and sank into the water, letting it caress over my face and hair"--

Hello?

Oh! I was just, you know, passing,

and thought it might have come back from the printer's, and it actually has.

Yeah. I don't know.

* With joys of season's greetings This is how we met **

"Beneath my feet, I felt crumbled pages."

I don't believe this.

I'll call you back.

Happy Ending? Happy Ending?

What happened to The Endless Anguish of My Father?

What happened? You know how important this stuff is.

You changed my title-- to that!

I told you, the very first time we met, I said it must go.

Yeah, but we never discussed it.

I knew how you'd react, darling.

0i! Careful.

That's my Young Publisher of the Year award.

Runner-up!

Oh!

What's wrong with you?

- Who are you? - What?

All that time we spent together working on the manuscript.

No one's ever got me the way you--

I don't know you.

Look. It was a terrible title, and I changed it.

What's done is done.

Let's move on. How can it be so easy for you?

Perhaps because I am not a moderately talented writer...

whose loser dad left her with an inability to stop worshipping her own pain.

Worshipping my own pain?

Come. Sit down. Let's talk about the launch.

You know what?

Our deal is one more book, and then what's done is done.

Let's move on.

"Most childhood summers are long and blue.

Mine wasn't like that.

And certainly not the summer when Mum got sick.

I knew if I just went out and saw her in the sun she'd be all right again."

[ Continues Reading, Indistinct ]

"She'd taken me to Woolworths to choose my birthday present,

and it wouldn't be like last year when Dad just slipped a Barbie under his coat...

and walked right out the door with it."

Well, it was lovely to meet you both.

Hi!

Susan. Thank you for coming down.

One more. One more. There you are.

And this is to--

Dad.

It's great to be here to present this award...

for Best New Writer...

to an outstanding debut.

Happy Ending.

Jane Lockhart.

Oh, oh!

Whoo-hoo!

Congratulations. Thank you.

I'm so-- What we have here is a real writer.

Someone who can go to some pretty dark places.

But I get it, Jane. Writers--

We both understand what it is to face el Toro Blanco--

the terror of the white bull, the blank page--

and every day we face it,

together.

Right, Jane? Mm-hmm.

Ladies and gentlemen, Jane Lockhart.

Thank you.

Ooh!

Oh!

Yeah? I'm starting the final chapter.

- You'll have the manuscript by the end of the week. - About bloody time.