Cattle Annie and Little Britches

What's that?

You only got three cars?

You only got three cars?

Don't shoot! It's a small train.

Mainly full of...

Pigs!

That was your idea, creek. Brilliant.

You're little dick raidler, right?

Aw, hush up, grandpa, this is a hold-up.

There's nothing but coffins in there.

Dynamite dick! No, it ain't dynamite dick.

It's goddamn bittercreek newcomb.

Now, let's get on with this thing, for Christ's sake!

Only three cars in the whole train.

How many passengers are there?

Not many, you can see them peeping out the back there.

- Get 'em out. - Yes, sir.

Reveille, reveille, reveille.

Fall out down here!

Bill Doolin!

Hold on there a minute, commander!

I don't see any need for this, now that everybody's been introduced.

Mr. Newcomb, just slow down a minute,

we don't want anybody hurt.

Let's see if we can't salvage what appears to be slim pickings.

Folks, Bill Doolin!

Bill Doolin!

That's right, and you're, uh...

Oh, um... Harley Hopkins.

Great pleasure to meet you, Mr. Hopkins.

And I can see by the way you brought all these good folks front and center

that you're a born leader.

Are you an honest man?

- Oh, I am that if anything. - Then tell me,

is there anything on this train that might be of interest

to me and my men and others of our ilk?

I swear, not a cent, Bill.

What is this, a social?

I don't think you are an honest man.

Who's in charge here?

Red, George, search those people.

Hold it!

We'll not be picking pockets now, will we?

No, not yet.

Red, George, check the last car.

Dynamite dick's checking it!

It's done, give me a hand, red.

What did you find?

- Damndest gear I ever saw. - It looks heavy.

I'll take 'em anyway. We never leave empty-handed.

Here's supper!

Thank you, Mr. Hopkins.

Sorry for your trouble and your time.

But then life's nothing but trouble and time, eh?

Let's get moving!

That was a pretty shabbyob. You proud of yourself, newcomb?

Oh, shut up. Let's get on out of here.

You allust go riding off like that, but what about that fire?

That fire on the tracks, how are we supposed to put it out?

Piss on it.

Well, let's round up those pigs.

Hey, get this door shut.

Stowaways! Mr. Hopkins!

Hey, you're not supposed to be in here, now get off!

Hey! Hey, come on, now!

Mr. Hopkins, there's a crazy lady in there.

- Enny! - Hey, stop!

You lay a hand on US and I'll scream.

We're bound for California.

Oh, you're bound for California, huh?

Well, this train goes another 50 mile,

that'll leave you 1,000 to go.

You can sprint the last leg.

We're working our way west!

All right, back with the humans, you little mites.

Scoot. Up from the engines with me.

You did it again!

You never give me a chance to put the cold water in.

Hello, what's this? A spa?

You two are taking to the waters, are you?

May I humbly request that you get back to work?

- But... - There'll be no "but's" here.

But Mr. Morgan, she burned her hands!

Ah, now it's insolence, is it?

I mean, I've a full house out there and now my scullery trash

wish to become insolent, while me chinaust mounts up

like the tower of babel.

You clumsy little wench, come here.

Tidy that.

Be some wages lost there for sure, if I don't miss my guess.

Why you contemptible little wench!

I'll have my pay!

- You what? - And don'tust stand there

looking like a moon-struck baboon either!

I'll have it now!

You owe me a week, a quarter a day,

fair and square!

Now, you listen to me.

I'll teach you some manners.

Ow!

Ow! What are you doing?

You're fired! The both of you, you're fired!

No, I ain't, you scum-sucking son-of-a-bitch!

I have resigned!

Out! Out! You ungrateful little wench!

Out that door!

I believe, sir, I shall depart through the front portal!

- Come, enny. - Oh, no.

You brats will not exit through the front of my establishment!

- There are people out there! - I andenny are people!

I'll give you “people.”

Annie!

You halt, sir.

If you wish to keep your nose!

We shall go now, enny, have your head high!

Come on, enny!

Come on!

Hey, Annie, maybe we shouldn't have done that!

It's done.

Annie, Morgan'll have the law on US busting up his kitchen like that.

Good, I'm sick of this damn town anyway.

It's time we got on west like we planned.

How? What can we do? I'll think of something.

- You always do. - Let's smoke.

Oh, come on.

Ain't you got any money, cowboy?

Well, well, well!

What's you two big city belles doing out this way?

Heard you were standing stud, elrod.

And we'reust plum out of breath getting here.

- What's she doing? - Oh, no!

Look at that!

I'd have lit this on your beard, elrod, if you had one.

Smoking in public! Look at her.

What's you two big-shots in the restaurant business doing today?

- Thought you were supposed to be working. - I resigned!

I've come to the conclusion my future lies elsewhere!

Mine too!

I'll bet you all were fired.

Of course, I... l could use my influence down at the mighty rz.

Oh, elrod, if you weren't so dumb and ugly,

I wouldn't feel so sorry for you.

I don't think I would talk.

I wouldn't even ask you to dance.

Oh, elrod! You're such a man!

- You're loco as shit! - Marry me! Marry me!

I'll have all 12 of your children,

and you can beat me when you get drunk on your cowpuncher's pay!

You're crazy!

All right.

Good afternoon, my lovelies!

Love you, darling!

Oh, shut up, let's try to look dignified.

What the hell is this?

It'sust the whole goddamn Doolin-Dalton gang.

Good day! Nice Autumn afternoon.

Don't let US stop you hard-working people from your frolic.

Thought I knew some folks in these parts, times do change.

Bill! Bill!

- Corey! - Bill Doolin!

We'll be needing some things, Corey.

And set up all these good men with some of your finest corn.

Not that swill you sell the poor, but honest.

Come on, lads! Cold beer, let's go!

First one's on me, I'm buying.

That's news. You ain't never bought a drink in your life.

- Yes? - Uh, this here is my boy, ned.

Ned, this is Mr. Bill Doolin.

Iust wanted him to meet you, sir.

Ned, well, you're looking fit.

How'd you like to meet my partner, Mr. Dalton, if you've got the time?

Gentlemen! Compliments of Bill Doolin!

Bill, thank you!

Where's all the pretty girls?

Come on, darling! Come over here! Give US a dance! Goodness me!

Come on... please, I don't want to dance.

I'm not going to hurt you... I would love a...

Mister, would you please leave me alone?

Hey, Doolin! What's wrong with these people?

We used to have friends around here, Corey.

We've had warmer welcomes.

Well, so it goes. More and more people are coming in here every day.

And the more people there are, the less they be friends it seems.

Sounds ass-backwards, but what don't these days?

Civilization's coming here, Bill,

be careful it don't get you.

Civilization, huh?

Well, let me tell you.

Civilization is gonna have to getin line

behind all those coming to get me.

I got heck Thomas, Chris Madsen,

and old Bill Tilghman on my big old butt!

Geez!

Well, i'llust open up for you, Bill.

Let me get you something decent to drink.

Corey, you, uh...

You got some dead-weight around here that can keep

two eyes open after sundown?

Shit! Getting cautious in your old age.

Not much law here yet.