Normal

["Paranoid" by Osama & Black Sabbath playing]

You've let me down badly.

You know what you have to do.

You're not serious, boss.

I was planning to kill all of you.

But I'll give you a second chance.

If you show me how sorry you are.

An offering for a job.

You can't do it?

- -

I got it.

I'll do it. I'll do it.

Ah.

Normal, Minnesota.

[lackey shouting in Japanese]

Normal.

Yakuza boss: Go there and redeem yourself.

["Put Your Hand In The Hand" by Ocean playing]

announcer on radio: In special news,

Normal is celebrating

152 years since the railway came to town.

Weather advisory remains on a high level

- with a winter storm... -

- ...looks like it's going to-- -

Keith: So, how's the motel treating you?

Ulysses: Exactly how you'd expect for 55 bucks a night.

Keith: What'd you do dinner?

I got delivery from the Chinese place.

Chang Lu's?

Is there another one?

No. No. Just Chang Lu's.

Keith: Have you been to Ernie's place to try his meatloaf?

It's amazing.

Ulysses: Duly noted.

woman on phone: This is Penny.

Sorry I missed you. Please leave a message,

and I'll circle back when I can.

- - Ulysses: Hey, it's just me,

Ulysses, you know, your husband,

if you don't mind me still calling myself that.

I know we agreed to take some time apart,

that you need space. I... I get it,

but I just thought I'd let you know

I landed another temporary sheriff job

in a little town called Normal, Minnesota.

Like a lot of small towns, it's half abandoned.

The other half is nice, though.

People seem friendly enough.

They built themselves a real nice little setup here,

considering how hard times are

for most folks in the country right now.

I don't know what their secret is,

but I could do with a serving of it.

Anyway, it's just for eight weeks

till they elect the new permanent lawman.

My goal is to leave this town just the way I found it.

- -

[man speaking indistinctly on radio]

What's the deal with that jacket?

It's pretty cool, huh? I got it to match my chopper.

- I didn't know you had one. - Oh, no, I don't, not yet.

I'm just saving up.

Figured I'd start with the jacket.

Well, it's loud.

Keith: You mean it's too flashy?

No. I mean it... ...makes noise.

- It's literally loud. -

And I don't think it's regulation.

- Right. - Ulysses: Sorry.

- I'll just... -

No, no. Just leave it on. Leave it on.

It's cool. It's very cool.

Whoa. $16.8 million.

Where the hell did this town get that kind of money?

Community really came together on that one.

Yeah, I would say.

Keith: Hey, Mayor Kibner!

There he is.

I can't wait for the parade next week.

We all dress up. You're going to love it.

I always wanted to be the parade mascot,

but I never got picked.

I'm not bitter, though.

The guys take their bikes pretty seriously here.

My bike's probably going to be a lot like this one.

Jeez, Randy. I wish my girlfriend was that dirty.

Have you got a girlfriend, Sheriff?

No. I've got a wife. She's had it with me.

Keith: Then I'll put an extra sugar in your coffee.

Hey, Tom! How are you?

Hey, Mike. This is America, God damn it.

What's mine is mine, for fuck's sake.

She can't go and talk to me like this.

I'm going to go put a pot on.

I feel like Sisyphus pushing a rock up a God damn hill.

What's the problem?

Tom's being a Goddamn dick.

- That's the fucking problem. - Fuck you, you trumped-up--

Whoa! Just communicate the problem to me.

Depends who the fuck you're meant to be.

Well, if I'm reading this badge correctly,

I'm the sheriff.

Yeah. I sure as shit didn't vote for you.

I understand.

You know Sheriff Gunderson died, right? Last week?

This is Ulysses. He's filling in, yeah?

Yeah. I... I heard something about that.

- Well... - So you're his replacement?

I'm the interim.

It's like a substitute teacher.

For how long?

He's on week one of eight.

Blaine: Morning, peoples!

Sally: Morning, Blaine. Ooh, donuts.

- Hey. Old-fashioned? - Okay. Well, so,

Carl keeps parking his Goddamn--

- Sally: Carl's his neighbor. - My neighbor keeps

parking his God damn rig in my driveway.

- It's a tow truck. - I see.

Sally: Carl has his own tow trucking company,

- has since high school. - Hey, Mike.

I lived there first. It's my property just as much--

Tom's on a flag lot, so they have to share a driveway.

He's blocking me in! That fucker's taking 70 percent.

Hang on! Hang on!

Look. You want me to drive out there

and sort this out with Carl for you?

Finally. Please.

Okay. Then I best head out there pronto.

Uh, we're good? All righty. Then I'll retire to my boudoir.

Hey.

How's that badge, Sheriff?

Keeping it warm for me?

I'm doing my best.

Blaine: Election's in six weeks.

Remember to vote for me.

- Ulysses: Sure. -

Ulysses: Good people, small problems,

and if my instincts tell me something is seriously amiss,

well, then I'll get involved.

But yeah. I kind of stopped trusting my instincts.

It's not that I don't care anymore, Penny.

It's just, life's a lot easier when you care a little less.

Then again, we are who we are.

Nothing to see here.

[indistinct radio chatter in background]

Oh, there you are. Refill?

What? Oh. Yeah. Sure.

- This is a hell of an armory. -

Yeah.

Is that C4?

Sally: Uh, that-- It is. Yeah.

Why do you have that?

I don't know.

After 9/11, Sheriff Gunderson applied

for every anti-terrorism grant available.

Yeah? How much did he spend on training?

I should probably get back to the phones.

Well, the door was unlocked.

That's kind of a no-no.

Oh. Sorry about that.

Ulysses: Every town has its own little quirks.

You can't change 'em.

Two hundred K, and the instructions

are in Japanese.

Ulysses: The interim job

is not to get in the way of them.

I'm like a midwife with a gun...

...helping 'em transition smoothly.

Oh, damn it. Damn it. Hey!

I like the way you law, man.

["Bang Bang" by Janis Martin playing]

Hey, Sheriff. Welcome to my place.

Oh, you're Ernie?

Yeah, just like my dad and my granddad before me.

Oh, yeah. Tell me. What's the story with the decor?

Well, Granddad started collecting 'em after the war,

and he didn't stop till the day he died.

Any of them loaded?

Wouldn't be much fun if they weren't, would it?

- - So, what can I get you?

Uh, I heard good things about the meatloaf.

Sure. Coming up.