The Ren & Stimpy Show

Come back with us now to those bygone days,

when the west was brutal, untamed and lawless.

It took a special breed of man to tame this country.

Men with eyes like eagles,

reflexes like a rattler,

and the keen ruthless wits of a panther on the prowl.

We's awful ignorant, ain't we, Ewalt ?

And plumb proud of it, Abner.

Ewalt ?

Yeah, Abner ?

What's ignorant mean ?

Danged if'n I know, but we's it.

He he he he... he he he he...

He he.

Hey, I'm bored.

You're smart enough to be bored ?

Hey, watch your dirty mouth !

So, what are we gonna do today ?

Let's us hang somebody.

Yeah !

We ain't hanged nobody in a long dang time.

Yeah...

Ewalt, who we gonna hang ?

Mmm, how's about... old lady crenshaw !

Yeah, yeah--

nah, we hanged her yesterday.

Well, heck, we done just about hanged everybody in town.

Hmm...

y'know, maybe we ought to hang somebody that deserves it.

fooo...

I got it !

Let's hire us some villains to hang.

Yeah, villains !

What are villains ?

I don't know !

From out of the long desert shadows,

ride two dangerous desperados.

Three-fingered Hoek,

and his faithful sidekick, stupid, the kid.

Duh, hello.

Onward they ride.

Raw, tough, desperate...

small.

Hey, Stimpy, let's go down to that little one-horse town

and see if we can pick up some odd jobs,

pillaging and looting.

Pillage, pillage, pillage.

Loot, loot, loot.

"Villins wanted."

Excuse us, Mr. Sheriff.

You needn't look any further,

for it is we who are your villains.

Hmm...

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh...

say, why don't you fellers mosey over to my place

and steal my horse ?

'Cause there is nothing worse than a horse thief.

Oop !

He he he he.

( horse neighing & trotting )

Here is your horse that we have stolen.

Gawd, Abner !

That's the ugliest horse ever I did see.

Hey, that's no horse.

That's my wife !

Ah, you boys can keep her.

Just remember to brush her and feed her twice today.

hey, Ren, he reminds me of your uncle Eddie.

And why is that ?

'Cause he's big and stinky.

Hey, you shouldn't say mean things like that.

Did you ever consider that this horse might have feelings ?

Now let's steal that horse.

Yee-haw ! Whoopee !

So, it's the old steal-the-horse bit again, is it ?

All right, let's do it.

If we have to.

Hey, boss.

These guys just stole me and...

well, sir, I don't like it.

They're horse thieves, you morons !

Horse thieves ! Horse thieves !

Hang 'em ! Hang 'em !

Hey, Stimpy,

I have a little confession to make.

At night, while you're asleep--

I polish my boots with your tongue.

That's okay, Ren, I wasn't really asleep.

Ewalt, would you be so kind

as to hang these two young fellers ?

Hey, we can't hang those guys.

The scrawny one don't weigh enough

and the fat one ain't got no neck.

Oh, who we gonna hang now ?

I guess well have to hang each other.

Ah ! Ah !

There's only one thing that we like more than hangin'.

And that's singin' and dancin'.

Come on, everybody, let's have a hoedown.

2, 3, 11, "r", 5...

sing it, boys.

Ah-ha !

I'm a-pickin'.

And I'm a-swingin'.

I'm ignorant.

And I'm ugly.

That you are, boys.

you...

hang him, that is.

Swing a spell.

Yeeee-haw !

( music box playing lullaby )

You know, Stimpy,

with your invention and my savvy,

we'll corner the rubber nipple market.

We'll be millionaires !

We'll rule the world !!

Tsk, Ren !

I am not in this for financial gain.

I have a dream...

I believe... one day that everyone...

everywhere...

will know the wonders of my nipples.

Fine !

You keep your dream, and I'll keep the money.

Now shut up and drive !

I'm driving ! I'm driving !