The Last of Us

Now, the thing

about this one night, and you guys know me.

Like, I'm fuckin' easy on voters, right?

- That ain't what they say. - Oh, yeah, well, fuck them

because they'd rather have me than Greenberg.

Oh, this is a Greenberg story.

So, I got three voters against the wall.

I caught 'em red-handed disseminating pamphlets, right?

- WLF stuff? - I thought it was.

Turned out later it was some, like, religious crap,

but I didn't fuckin' know that.

So, I call for backup. Guess who shows up?

- Greenberg! - Greenberg!

He pulls up,

gets out of his truck. He's in a fuckin' mood, okay?

I can already tell, and he's all like,

"What are you fuckin' calling for?

"What, you can't handle three voters?

What did these fuckin' pussies even do?"

I say, "I caught them

out here disseminating."

And he goes, "What? You fuckin' perverts

are out here jerking off and splooging on my streets?"

Holy shit!

I swear to God. So, one of the voters turns back

to look at me like, "Are you gonna tell him?"

I look back at him like, "Fuck no."

And that's when the guy decides to open his mouth anyway

and goes, "Well, actually, the word 'disseminate' means..."

- And boom! - Oh!

Greenberg slams his fuckin' head against the wall.

There goes his teeth, just blood fuckin' everywhere.

And-- and Greenberg goes,

"No one asked you, jizz boy!"

Wh-Why do you call them that?

The citizens, why do you call them voters?

I don't know.

'Cause that's what we fucking call 'em. Who cares?

'Cause we took away their rights.

Took away their right to vote, and somebody

started calling them voters to mock them.

So, now you know.

I didn't mean anything by it, Sergeant.

Of course, you didn't. You're thoughtless.

Sarge.

Keep it running.

- Copy. - How many?

A lot.

Could be WLF. Lock and load.

- No. - Sarge.

I'm gonna go talk to them. Alone.

- But protocol. - Protocol is to obey

your commanding officer. Period. The end.

Now, if we go out there in force,

this'll end up the way it always does.

'Cause you're all Greenberg.

You wanna die? Fine.

You.

Come with me.

Learn something.

You Isaac?

You Hanrahan?

Welcome to the fight.

Now, make your choice.

No pain meds.

Anything else?

Probably nothing anyone wanted.

Ooh! You rockin' a yeast infection?

Not today, but gimme time.

Good news. I found a gallon jug of milk.

Yum.

Make sure to smell it first, just in case.

Alright, I give up. I'm gonna stand watch outside.

Yeah, I'm done.

There's nothing else back h--

Hey, I'm gonna pee. Gimme a minute.

Okay.

'Kay, good to go.

Thanks.

You okay?

Yeah.

Alright, hit it. People to kill.

Okay.

I don't understand. I thought they bombed here.

Yeah, I heard that too. Guess not this part.

What's up with all the rainbows?

I don't know.

Maybe they were all optimists.

So much for happy, proud Rainbow Town.

I've never seen a tank this close.

Me neither.

- Ellie. Ellie! - Just cover me.

I'm gonna check if there's any ammo in there.

Man, FEDRA got fucked up out here.

You think it was the WLF?

I don't know.

All these bodies are in FEDRA gear.

Almost looks like they were fighting each other.

Huh. Good eye.

I wonder what that was about.

- Ooh. - What is it?

Three burnt skeletons. Like Apollo 1.

What?

Grissom, White, Chaffee. Early astronauts.

They were supposed to be the first ones to go to the moon,

but they never made it off the launchpad.

Burned up in their capsule.

Well, at least they died for something worthwhile.

Yeah.

These guys were just assholes killed by other assholes.

Well, lookie here.

Check out the building on the hill.

You've gotta be shitting me.

Fuck yeah, let's go.

You sure about that?

Oh, my God, are you gonna fucking tell me?

If you paint a sign big enough to be seen for miles away,

that means you want people to know that you're there,

which also means more likely than not, you're prepared.

And?

They're on a hill, so they'll see us coming.

On horseback in broad daylight, so...

just a little.

So, we wait until dark and we head out on foot.

And right here is the perfect place to hole up

because, well, no one's around.

Which you proved brilliantly with your tank hatch maneuver.

Dick.

Alright, let's look for a door we can fit Shimmer through.

Already found that.

Shout if something tries to kill you!

That's the plan.

Go on.

Okay.

Uh...

You've gotten pretty good.

Uh, thanks.

All those lessons from Joel.

He taught you well.

He did.

- You hungry? - Starving.

Great. Come on. I'll make us beef jerky.

Okay.

You know, when I was a-- a younger man,

and I wanted to impress a woman,

well, you-- you have to know your strengths.

And I was kinda shy.

I-- I didn't know how to talk to women.

It made me nervous.

So, what I would do is cook for them.

And I was good.

Good enough to deserve quality tools.

Ah, but did I have the money for that?

No, I did not.

I would go into Williams-Sonoma.

It's a cookware store. You wouldn't know.

And I would stare...

at these.

Mauviel.

Best of the best. French, of course.

And I would think, okay,

30 years to retirement and pension, but one day,

I will own a Mauviel sauce pan...

with lid.

And I was right.

Just not how I planned.

The strange benefits of the apocalypse.

Now, copper's a bit of a pain in the ass.

You have to polish it a lot.

But it heats faster than anything.

Highly conductive.

Of course, this means it doesn't retain heat

the way cast iron does, which of the two,

makes copper the inferior choice for interrogations, but...

if you own Mauviel, you use Mauviel.

She--

- She watches over me. - Then she's been watching you

get your ass kicked.

You know there are even Scars who don't believe

she's some magic fairy in the sky, yeah?

Some of you actually understand she was just a person.

Heretics.

Of course.

The steel handles stay cool.

It's the little touches.

Where are the Scars attacking next?

Seraphites.

Hold out your hand.

Jesus. This is so fucked.

Shut up. Isaac knows what he's doing.

The blood!

Yes, sir.

She watches over me.