South Park

Would you look at that?

It's just incredible, isn't it?

I still can't believe it

even though it's right there in front of me.

Yeah, it's just so... astounding.

Well, believe it, friends.

The impossible has happened...

Kenny has a girlfriend.

Yeah, a fifth-grade girlfriend.

This is serious.

They've been going out for almost two weeks now.

So wh-who is she?

Her name's Tammy Warner.

She's the only girl in school

whose family is actually poorer than Kenny's.

It's really kind of beautiful, if you ask me.

You guys!

You guys, I think we have a big problem!

What?

Well, apparently Kenny has a girlfriend!

Yeah, dude, Tammy Warner.

She's a fifth-grader.

Does Kenny like her?

I guess so.

She's like his first real girlfriend ever.

Oh, no, oh, jeez!

Butters, what's the problem?

I just talked to Brad Dixon.

Tammy Warner is bad news.

All the fifth graders call her a slut

on a count of she gave this kid, Dave darski, a BJ

in the parking lot of t.G.I. Friday's.

What?

It's true!

Ask anybody in fifth grade!

Tammy Warner is a total slut!

That bitch!

Kenny gave his heart to her

and she's just gonna throw it in his face!

Well, Kenny deserves to know, fellas.

If you guys found out my girlfriend was

a raging whore, I'd want you to tell me.

All right, come on, guys.

Hey, Jimmy, what's a BJ?

Kenny! Hey, Kenny!

Oh, hey, guys.

Listen, Kenny, we need to talk about

your new girlfriend.

What about her?

Oh, boy...

Kenny, we know you really like this girl, but...

But what?

Well, we've heard that she's...

Kenny...

Your girlfriend is a notorious whore.

She even gave a kid named Dave darski

a BJ in the parking lot of t.G.I. Friday's.

Huh?

Your girlfriend's a slut, dude.

Woo-hoooo!

Woo-hoo-hooooo!

He took it pretty well.

Hey, Tammy! Hi, Ken!

You decide what you wanna do after school?

Yeah, I was kind of thinking

we should go to t.G.I. Friday's.

T.g.i. Friday's?

Yeah, could be lots of fun.

Yeah, okay, but...

Kenny, listen...

There's something I need to talk to you about.

There's a lot of rumors going around about me

that I agreed to give a boy a BJ.

Well... it's true.

But it was before you and I were together,

and it wasn't my fault!

See, I was watching the Disney channel

and that show came on with the Jonas brothers...

Jonas brothers?

You know that teenage boy band?

Every time I see them I get so... tingly.

I just completely lose control.

And then Dave darski showed up

and took me to t.G.I. Friday's

and it just happened.

But it was only for one second and I had my eyes closed.

I know it's terrible.

Can you... can you forgive me, Ken?

There you are, young man,

two tickets to the Jonas brothers concert!

Thanks!

The Jonas brothers?

Dude, Kenny, what the hell is wrong with you?

Aren't they those queermos on the Disney channel?

Yeah, Jonas brothers, dude, they get Tammy all hot

and then she'll give me a BJ.

A BJ?

You want Tammy to give you a BJ? Of course, dude!

Kenny, you're gonna let a girl

put her mouth on your wiener?

Do you know how disgusting that is?

Girls' mouths are full of germs.

Yeah, dude, that's gross.

It's okay, I'm gonna have protection.

What kind of protection?

Can I have a box of condoms, please?

Box of condoms.

Certainly, little boy, what kind would you like?

Uh... I'll take those over there.

These here? Well, certainly.

Cool.

Kenny, aren't you a little young for this?

No, I'm not young, I want a BJ!

Just because you have condoms

doesn't mean you're safe, Kenny.

Statistically speaking,

the most bacteria-ridden place on the planet

is the mouth of an American woman.

And you're gonna let that near your penis?

Yup! Woo-hoo!

Kenny, you're the best for bringing me here!

Isn't this awesome?

wahghgghghghghg!

My giney tickles!

Oh, my god!

It's that tingling again!

I love you!

Oh, oh, Jesus Christ!

You're so hot, Kevin!

I love you, Joe!

Good night, Denver! We love you all!

We love you, Denver!

Good night!

Oh, my god, I am so worked up!

I just wanna attack you, Kenny!

All right!

Come on, let's go out to the parking lot!

Woo-hoo!

And you too, little girl in the red!

Huh?

Band would like you to come backstage.

You too, little girl with the puppy t-shirt.

Ahh!

They want me to come backstage?

Oh, my god!

No, no, we're going to your place now.

It's a dream come true!

Hey!

All right, right this way, girls.

Yeah, come on in, everyone.

The band is waiting for you.

Uh, not you.

No, fuck that, dude!

I bought the fucking tickets!

Hey, what the fuck?!

The Jonas brothers will be right out, girls.

Why do you think they called us back here?

They must-a wanna have sex with us.

What? You think so?

Sure, they're a band.

They called us back here so we can give 'em blow jobs.

Well, I'm not doing it.

Just 'cause they're rock stars doesn't mean I'll do that.

Yeah, I'm not giving a blow job to anybody!

Me neither!