The Ren & Stimpy Show

this... will... hurt... you.

Hey !

Stimpy, look what they did to my arm !

Yeah, I got shots, too.

You know, Stimpy, this army business ain't so bad.

I think we found our niche.

Atten-hut !

What did he say ?

Atten-hut !

Excuse me, could you--

about pace !

Forward, harh !

About face !

Forward, harh !

Company halt !

Remain calm !

Can't you follow orders ?

All right, you two insects.

Give me 20 !

As a rule, I don't like to lend money.

But you got an honest face.

Hey, Ren.

I think the sarge likes you best

'cause he gave you the most potatoes to peel.

Recruits Ren and Stimpy, report for tear-gas training.

Duh !

Tear-gas room ?

Pee-yew !

I tell you, man,

there's nothing could get me in there.

Remove mask !

Hey, how come you're not crying ?

I cheated.

I held my breath.

Boy, Stimpy, you're such a knucklehead.

Listen, you moron.

I am smart, you're stupid.

I know how to get around that big, dopey sarge.

Stick with me, kid.

I know where I'm going in life.

About !

The room !

Happy, happy, happy.

Peel, peel, peel.

Stimpy !

Phew !

All right, rest period's over.

Let's get a move on.

Did you hear me ?

I said, let's get going !

You don't want to anger that big, dopey sar-r-R...

Puff, puff, breathe, pain...

oh, man.

My dogs are killing me.

Boy, it sure feels good to get those boots off.

You said it.

Good night, Ren.

Good night, Stimpy.

Now all I need...

is eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Now, no sleep.

Hee hee.

No sleep.

No bed.

And no, no, no, bed, bed, bed !

Atten-Hut !

Forward harh !

Psst, hey, Guido.

It's all so clear to me now.

I'm the keeper of the cheese.

And you're the lemon merchant.

You get it ?

And he knows it.

That's why he's gonna kill us.

So we gotta beat it.

Yeah.

Before he lets loose the marmosets on us.

Don't worry, little Missy.

I'll save you !

Congrabulations !

You graduated.

You're full-fledged tank paratroopers.

Stimpy.

I can't believe it.

We made it.

Not only do we have these cool uniforms and this swell tank,

we're also proud members of an elite fighting force.

New amazing product !

Hi, kids.

I start out my day with my favorite breakfast.

That's right, sugar frosted milk.

Mmm !

Smell those lumps !

Just four ounces of lumps and six ounces of cereal

makes for a balanced breakfast.

Help !

And sugar frosted milk stays lumpy, even in cereal.

Morning, sis.

Oh, boy !

Sugar frosted lumps !

Hey !

Who stole my lumps ?

It's time for "ask Dr. Stupid."

With your host, Dr. Stupid.

Oh, hello there.

Doctor, here's a letter from Jennifer

from bent armpit, Wyoming.

And she asks, "dear Dr. Stupid,

what is that ugly white slab in my can of beans ?"

That's a very good question, Jennifer.

I'd better put on my patented stuponitron helmet.

Prepare to activate.

The answer's simple, really.

Jennifer, that ugly white slab in your can of beans is...

the queen bean !

And all the other beans are the worker beans that serve her.

Thank you, Dr. Stupid.

Tune in next time for "ask Dr. Stupid."

At last, I have control of your Tv set.

Are you receiving me ?

Welcome to our secret headquarters.

Thousands of miles below the earth's crust.

Shut up, you fool !

How do you know we can trust them ?

We could make them take the oath.

Perfect, the oath.

Put your hand on the Tv screen

and repeat after me.

I do hereby promise only to watch the Ren & Stimpy show,

to make under-leg noises during the good scenes,

to wear unwashed lederhosen

every single day of the rest of my life !

That's it !

You're in our secret club.

All right, Stimpy.

They're okay.

Show them the stuff.