Lulu on the Bridge

There you are. Come on, Izzy, let's go.

They're waiting for us.

Just a second.

I can't go on with my dick hanging out, can I?

Izzy! Come on!

Nancy!

God wants it this way, Nancy!

We're going to burn in hell, Nancy!

You, me... and God!

All of us together!

You belong to me, not him... Not to anyone but me!

My father was an architect, a good and righteous man...

My mother is an acrobat, and I do the best I can...

Hey pretty one.

Hey, Pierre.

I was wondering, if... Oh, he made it?

I'm glad.

Yeah, he made it.

But the article says he'll probably never play again.

A one-lunged saxophonist with a broken hand.

Doesn't sound too hopeful, does it?

- Did you ever hear him play? - Nah, I'm not too big on jazz...

Give me Chuck Berry any day.

I hear it's good.

They says there's a big run on Katmandu's last CD.

- Well that's good. - Good?

I'd call it pretty ironic.

The guy plays for years, nobody's ever heard of him.

Then he gets shot, his career is ruined,

suddenly he's a big success.

Well, at least he's alive.

I mean, you can't do anything unless you're alive.

Celia, weren't you going to say something?

Oh, I completely forgot. I have an audition next Tuesday...

and I was hoping that I could work dinner instead of lunch.

Arrange it with Bob or Helen.

If they're not willing to switch, the answer's no.

If they are, no problem.

Okay. Fair enough.

What's the part?

It's a shampoo commercial.

Are you the before or after?

Probably neither. I don't think I'll get it.

Of course you will. It's in the bag.

Not enough hair.

You're alive... Don't you ever forget that. You're alive.

When you get out of here you'll be in reasonably good physical shape.

It might take you a while to figure out your next move,

but you start with life.

And life is a beautiful thing, Mr. Maurer.

No, it's not. Life is life,

and it's only beautiful if you make it beautiful.

I wish I could say I've done that, but I can't.

The only beautiful thing I've ever done is play music.

If I can't have that, I might as well be dead.

Am I making myself clear?

I'd rather have lost both my legs or both of my eyes than my left lung.

A lung equals breath.

Breath equals music.

Music equals life.

Without music, I have no life.

You talk like someone who feels he's been punished.

Well, maybe I am.

A madman fires a bullet into my body, and justice is finally done.

Izzy... It's Dave again.

Come on, man, don't do this to me.

We gotta talk. You hear me?

Don't be a schmuck, Izzy.

Just remember who your friends are, okay?

Leave a message, and I'll get back to you.

Izzy... Pick up the damn phone.

It's Hannah, for Christ sakes. Remember me?

We used to be married.

Back in the old days...

When knights were brave and chicks were bold,

and bullets weren't invented.

Give me a call, Maurer, I want to know how you're doing.

Hi, Izzy.

Hey... Izzy?

How're you doing?

Bobby Perez.

I did sound at your Summer Stage gig last year.

We were all rooting for you, Izzy.

I'm really glad you pulled through.

Thanks, Billy.

I'm doing much better now.

I think I'm a lot younger than I was the last time you saw me.

Yeah, yeah, probably.

I see what you mean.

And I forgot to put my watch on today.

See? No watch.

I consider that progress, real progress.

Oh, it's you.

You don't pick up your phone, so I figured I'd pay you a visit.

You look nice in those pants.

Don't even think about it, chum.

It just brings back memories, that's all.

That, plump, protruding little ass of yours.

For a year or two, it was the most interesting place in the world for me.

My ass and I are doing just fine without you, Izzy.

You're not the only man who ever admired it, you know.

So I gathered.

You don't get a tan like that hanging around the city.

So I guess this new boyfriend of yours is working out okay?

We'll get to him later.

We have other things to talk about first.

Like what?

Like you, dumbbell, that's what.

I want to know what's happening to you.

What for?

I mean, you don't even like me.

You still don't know who I am, do you?

After all these years, you still don't have a clue.

Apparently not.

Once I give my heart to someone, it's forever.

I may not want to live with you anymore,

but that doesn't mean I don't care about you.

You're still a part of who I am, you jerk.

Hi.

Excuse me if I'm in shock.

- I didn't think you'd come. - You invited me, remember?

- Hi. - Hi!

This is Sonia. Philip's daughter.

Are you Izzy Maurer?

Well, I used to be.

Who are you now?

I don't know. Maybe nobody.

Well, nice to meet you, Mr. Nobody.

See you around.

So, there's been a slight change of plans.

Philip's working on a project with Catherine Moore...

she's in New York for a few days, so we invited her to dinner too.

The actress?

Former actress.

She's a director now. She hasn't acted for ten or 15 years.

Catherine Moore... I used to have a crush on her.

And the big hit of the summer was The Reluctant Debutante,

and I played the spotty debutante, and I was very thrilled

because it was the only young part I had the whole season.

All the rest, I was about 80 or 70 or something like that.

So what made you give up acting?

Vanity.

Beauty fades... The flesh gives out.

You lose interest in being someone else's idea about who you are.

I didn't want to be invented by other people anymore.

So now you invent yourself.

Exactly.

I'm the one that controls the images.

But no one sees you.

Oh, well, so much the better.

They see what I think.

What they'll be seeing next is a new version of Pandora's Box.

After a thousand bends in the road...

we finally have a deal in place.

All we need is someone to play Lulu.

Who's Lulu?

Lulu... As in Louise Brooks?

- As in the opera... - The girl who eats men for breakfast.

You know, the one who's done in by Jack the Ripper.

You see what I mean, Philip?

It's not at all obvious.

People don't remember anything.

Don't worry, Catherine... It's not all people, it's Izzy.

Talk to him about anything but music and he acts like a little kid.

Speaking of kids... Hi, sweetheart.

- You getting tired? - Yeah. I came out to say goodnight.

Do you want me to tuck you in?

Is that okay?

You don't mind, do you?

Mind? Why should I mind?

Okay... I will be back in a few minutes.

Can I come too?

Of "cawse".

This way, ladies.

Cigar?

No, thanks.

Do you mind if I ask you a question?

A question? Sure.

Ask any question you want.

You don't have to answer if you don't want to.

But, something happened to me a couple weeks ago...

and I'm still trying to figure out if I did the right thing or not.

I was on a plane to London.

I was going to see Catherine, as a matter of fact.

Just as we go into our descent, I decide I have to go to the toilet.

I go down the aisle, but the door is locked,

so I stand there, shooting the breeze with one of the stewardesses.

Finally...

the door opens... and out steps this good-looking girl.

Maybe 24 or 25.

Very pretty.

She gives me an odd little look,

she edges past me and I go into the bathroom.

The toilet seat and the cover are both down,

and sitting on top of the cover... is a huge turd.

I have no idea what to do.

If I complain to the stewardess she'll think I did it.

We've just had this friendly conversation,

and I don't want her to think I'm that kind of person.

That's the situation.