Can't Hardly Date

¶

- You can't make us go to school in this windstorm.

You have to let us skip.

- We'll let you skip school when pigs fly.

- Flying pig! - No school!

You still have to go.

- Guys, it's only a bit of wind.

You just have to dress for it.

- Wow, you found a helmet that fits your pointy head.

- Yeah, and it also does this...

Ow!

All right, Chloe,

we need you to teleport us to school again.

- You still owe me candy for the last time I took you.

- Well, let me grab you a piece from my--

Grab her, Billy!

Got her.

- Guess I should have been more specific.

- Kids, quit messin' around and get to school.

- Yeah. Do we have to tell you the story

about Heinrich Hiddenville III again?

No!

Our mayor...

- ...Heinrich Hiddenville III,

grandson of our our town's founder,

always went to school no matter what.

- Even on November 4th, 1955,

when young Heinrich was attacked by a bear.

He used his trusty pencil to scare the bear away!

- Oh, I'm bear-y frightened.

- Yeah, we all are, guys.

- Not only did he make it to school,

but he won a dance contest that night.

- And he became so popular that he was voted class president.

- Which made him want to be mayor one day.

Blah, blah, lies.

No, it's true.

Oh, sweet, sweet Mother,

you don't need to trick me with some fake mayor story.

I'd go to school on Saturdays, if it weren't trespassing.

- Yeah, and if you're gonna make up stories,

at least throw in some mermaids.

People like mermaids.

I don't like mermaids.

- Yoo-hoo! - Who is that?

- You'd better hope it's not a mermaid.

- Cousin Blobbin, are you okay?

Hi-ya! Hi-ya! Hi-ya!

- A simple, "I'm fine" would've been cool.

Is that my breakfast burrito?

Oh, hi, Blobbin.

Hi, ThunderCousos.

I've got good news.

I'm treating you to an all-expense-paid vacation...

Yay!

...in my cozy timeshare.

Ohhhh...

- Oh, come on, it'll be fun.

- Uh, I wish we could, but we have school.

School. Yes.

I knew it'd come in handy one day.

How about you two?

Who needs a... ¶ Vacay ¶

Well, we have to...

Uh, give Colosso a bath.

A bath? Never!

Viva la stink!

- See what we're dealing with?

Sorry, but we're a no-go.

- Okay, but if you change your mind--

- Oh, we won't. Bye, Blobbin.

And bye, kids.

Have fun at school! - We will!

- Should we give them a ride?

- In this wind? No, thank you.

- Oh, that was the worst walk to school ever.

- How is your hair still so perfect?

Please, Phoebe.

Nothing's takin' down my swoosh.

Hey, guys.

Your parents tell you that bogus story, too?

- Yeah. They tricked me by making it a puppet show.

And you know me--I am not easily tricked.

Wolfgang's lucky.

I bet his host family didn't make him come in.

- Hey! Doors closed, maggots.

You're lettin' in all the riffraff.

- Principal Bradford, how come you look so put together?

- Yeah, why don't you look all messed up from the wind?

- It's probably because he lives here.

- I say now. Oh, come on. I don't live here.

I live at one, two, uh, three school street.

Phoebe has tree hair!

Right. I look ridiculous.

I should have just stayed home.

We all should have.

And it's supposed to be windy all week.

We're gonna have to keep coming back here

because of Heinrich Stupidville.

- Unless we can find proof that story's fake.

Follow me to the library.

- Yeah, right, I'll go to the library when pigs fly.

Okay, whose pig is that?

Let's go!

All these books on the history of Hiddenville

and they all tell the same ridiculous Heinrich story.

At least we got to hang at the libe.

- Never ever call a library "the libe."

That was crazy.

The wind tossed Billy into a tree.

- Phoebe got tossed in a tree, too.

- ¶ Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ¶

- It sounds like Blobbin's back.

Hi-ya, ThunderMateys.

Going on a big trip--

to a pirate convention?

I went back to the 1700s,

and sailed the high seas with Captain Blackbeard.

The 1700s?

- Is that oversized refrigerator in the driveway a time machine?

Indeedy, doozers.

But I call it a timeshare because I share it

with a certain billionaire whose name rhymes with...

Poprah Shwinfrey.

- He's talking about Taylor Swift.

Anyway...

Arrrrg your parents home?

- Oh, probably still trying to give Colosso a bath.

Ah...

I could probably use one, too.

Oh, Hank!

- Guys, this is perfect. We have a time machine.

- We can go back to 1776 and ride dinosaurs.

- No. We can go back in time

and prove that that Heinrich story's a lie.

Then no parent could ever use it

to make a kid go to school again.

Are you crazy, Max?

Time travel isn't something you just toy with.

- We're not gonna toy with it.

We're just gonna... fuss with it a little.

But, hey, you do what you want.

Oh, Phoebe.

W-W-A-E-D.

What Would Albert Einstein Do?

Wait up!

To the 1950s! -

Here we go-o-o-o-o-o!

- Did it work? Are we in 1955?

- It smells like hair grease and milkshakes,

so, I'm gonna say yes.

¶

¶ What you see ¶

¶ Is not what you get ¶

¶ Livin' our lives with a secret ¶

¶ We fit right in ¶

¶ Bet you never guessed ¶

¶ 'Cause we're livin' our lives ¶

¶ Just like all the rest ¶

¶ A picture perfect family ¶

¶ Is what we try to be ¶

¶ Look closer, you might see ¶

¶ The crazy things we do ¶

¶ This isn't make believe ¶

¶ It's our reality ¶

¶ Just your average family ¶

¶ Trying to be normal and stay out of trouble ¶

¶ Livin' a double life ¶¶

- I can't believe we traveled back in time.

- - Ow!

What'd you do that for?

- I just wanted to make sure my lasers still work in 1955.

- We have to hide the timeshare

before we start looking for Heinrich.

- There's a button here that says "camouflage."

Hey, where did it go?

Oh!

Found it.

Way to go, SuperZero!

- Colosso, what are you doing here?

- I jumped in your camper before you went back in time.

I do not like baths.

- Stay here until we're ready to go.

Will do...

something different!

See ya, suckers!

Well, that's not good.