Seinfeld

The worse part about a car breaking down

is when you're out on the road,

you're a guy, 'cause now you have to get out

and pretend like you know what you're doing.

You gotta go, "All right, honey,

I'm gonna go check it out."

Walk around the front, open up the hood.

That's good 'cause it obscures her view.

That's the main reason you wanna do that.

You're lookin' in there.

You know, you're hoping you're going to see something in there

so simple, so obvious, so incredibly easy to fix,

even you can handle it,

even you can handle it,

like a giant on/off switch turned off.

So you're going out with David Puddy?

Yeah.

What, is that a problem?

Well, I think he could have asked me.

He's supposed to be a friend of mine.

I guess he figured you just wouldn't care.

It has been a few years.

Elaine, you always care who an ex-girlfriend dates.

You don't want it to be someone you know,

and you don't want it to be someone better than you.

Now, even though the latter is obviously impossible...

Oh, God.

...the former still applies.

I don't know what it is.

I just can't see you with a mechanic.

Oh, yeah, right, right.

Well, all those mechanics do is work all day

Well, all those mechanics do is work all day

with their hands and their big muscular arms on machines,

and then they come home dripping with animal sexuality

like Stanley Kowalski.

What a huge turnoff that is.

All right.

Hey, look at that.

They got lobster on the menu.

Who would order a lobster here?

I mean, do they bring a lobster in every day,

hoping today's the day?

So what if they have a lobster.

Suddenly you're a shellfish connoisseur?

Suddenly you're a shellfish connoisseur?

You know, I think we really need

to be in front of a television set.

You take TV out of this relationship,

it is just torture.

So...

I'm getting an eye job.

An eye job?

Ma, you don't need an eye job.

Georgie, I'm a divorcée.

No, you're not a divorcée.

You're just separated.

You're a separatée.

Well, I'm out there, George.

No, you're not out there.

I am too.

You're not out there.

You can't be because I am out there.

And if I see you out there,

And if I see you out there,

there's not enough voltage in this world

to electroshock me back into coherence.

Well, anyway, the operation is on Tuesday,

and I need you to drive me home

because I'll be all drugged up.

Tuesday? I can't do it Tuesday.

Steinbrenner needs me--

This is the only time the doctor had.

Kramer, hey, hey! Hey, buddy.

Come on over here. I gotta go somewhere.

No, you're gonna sit down, you son of a gun, you.

All right. I'm sitting down.

How are ya?

So, Kramer,

I'm getting an eye job.

Oh. Yeah. Good for you.

Hey, you have to look your best.

You're out there now.

She's not out there.

So who's your doctor?

Uh, Bakersaul.

He's good.

He's very good.

He worked on this kid from Guatemala with no nose,

turned him into Ricardo Montalban.

Kramer, what are you doing Tuesday?

Tuesday? Uh...

Why doesn't he pick you up after the operation?

He's got the car with the bench seats that you like.

He's got the car with the bench seats that you like.

Oh, I don't care.

I can't drive anybody anywhere until I go down

to that motor vehicle bureau, get my new plates.

Well, giddyup.

Yeah, I'm here to pick up my new plates.

My name is Kramer.

Cosmo Kramer.

Kramer.

All right. All right.

Sign right here, please.

Okay.

Alrighty.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Assman?

No, no, these don't belong to me.

I'm not the Assman.

I think there's been a mistake.

What's your name again?

Cosmo Kramer.

Cosmo Kramer.

You are the Assman.

No, I'm not the Assman.

Well, as far as the state of New York is concerned, you are.

How do you feel?

Fine.

Something the matter?

No.

No, what is it?

No, nothing.

Hey.

I was with David Puddy last night.

Yeah, so?

He did the move.

What move?

You know.

The move.

Wait a second.

My move?

David Puddy used my move?

Yes, yes.

Are you sure?

Jerry,

there is no confusing that move with any other move.

I can't believe it.

He stole my move.

He stole my move.

What else did you tell him?

The two of you must have had quite a little chat.

Oh, it wasn't like that.

I didn't even mention you.

You know, we were in the garage.

You know how garages are.

They're conducive to sex talk.

It's a high-testosterone area.

Because of all the pistons and the lube jobs?

Well, I'm going down to that garage

to tell him to stop doing it.

W-- Wait a second.

What?

Isn't that a little...

rash?

No.

He stole my move.

He stole my move.

Yeah, but...

I like the move.

Yeah, but it's like another comedian

stealing my material.

He doesn't even do it exactly the same.

He uses a pinch at the end instead of the swirl.

Oh, yeah,

the pinch.

I've done the pinch.

That's not new.

Besides, I don't know how you can trust any of his moves now.

His whole repertoire could be lifted.

You know, it's strange because he's such an honest mechanic.

I know. He's probably the only honest mechanic in New York.

So he stole my move, and he's using it on Elaine.

You told David Puddy a move, and you didn't tell me.

I need a move. You know I have no moves, Jerry.

Give me a bite.

Can I just get it open first?

I can't believe you're hoardin' sex moves.

I'm out there rubbing two sticks together,

you're walkin' around with a Zippo.

All right, all right.

Here.

That's good. That's very good.

You feel better?

Yeah, much better.

So what's the move because I need something.

So what's the move because I need something.

This woman I'm dating,

it's like she's doing her nails during lovemaking.

Nancy Klopper? Yeah.

I've never seen anyone so bored.

I'm working like a dog here. Give me a moan, somethin'.

I'd settle for a belch for God's sake.

All right, come on, let's have it.

All right, George, I'm gonna tell you.

But I just wanna make sure--

Yeah, yeah. It's in the vault. I'm puttin' it in the vault.

It's not even a question of that.