Vegas

["Let's Roll the Dice (feat. Tony B)" by L.J. Nachsin playing]

- -

I'll be in the car here, behind the hotel with a change of clothes.

Check. Change of clothes. Smart.

You'll enter here, through the service entrance like you're starting your shift.

-Genius. - You get in the elevator…

-You drew us in an elevator? -So?

With music? I'm the fat one?

-I have cankles. -No, that's just for contrast.

-Kick-ass drawing. -Thank you. Sorry I didn't bring my oils.

Moving on.

You kick down the door, take control, get the cash, get out.

-That's fucking perfect. -Come on.

Earl, are you hearing this shit?

Yeah. I colored it.

Why am I fatter in this picture?

'Cause there's more stress in this situation.

-Mr. Hawkins. -Yeah.

-Dirk Ketchum, TGL. -Oh, right. Hey.

Thank you so much again for doing this at the last second.

-Sure. -You're gonna love the experience.

-Did my son get in? -He got in last night.

Whoa! What the hell is that?

Oh, that is a 1957 Isetta.

If you win the tournament, you can drive it home.

-Can I get inside? -You know, uh… Yeah, why not?

-Yeah. -Go for it.

-Look at that. -Yeah.

-Wait, how do you get inside? -Uh…

Allow me, sir.

-No way! -

No way!

-Yeah. -Did you know it opened like that?

I did, actually. Yeah. That's kinda what makes it special.

Here we go.

Oh my God. I feel like I'm in The Jetsons.

Uh, Lonnie? We gotta go.

I get a watch with the car too?

Yeah, we gotta…

Oh, we gotta… Oh, okay.

We gotta… Okay.

Um…

How does it…

-Uh, just one second, sir. - What's happening?

- It's not opening. -What's wrong? Hey, I'm stuck!

Break a window or something!

Get me oxygen! I'm stuck in here!

I'm an American citizen, goddamn it!

You see that Thunder Down Under show is on here?

That'd be hilarious if we went to that.

What?

I don't want to die!

I'm still alive!

Quick win, and then back to the jet.

-Yep. -Wait, hold up.

-I have arachnophobia! -Yo, is that your pops? What's he doing?

Oh, this is gonna be so good.

Hell yeah. Easy three mil, baby.

Ignore him. Ignore him.

Lance? Lance! There's my son!

Jaws of life, Lance! Get the jaws of life!

-Oh my God. -There you go.

- -Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm okay. Why would you ask if I'm okay?

Of course I'm okay. It's really comfortable in there.

Super roomy, yeah.

What a fun day. You guys ready for some video golf?

Yeah, all right!

Lonnie, we have your credentials here.

Could you give me like five minutes?

-Right now? -Grab me an iced tea? I just…

- Ahh! Ooh! -Oh, Jesus!

- -Are you okay?

-Yeah. -Do you need a doctor?

-Yeah, I'm okay. Why do you keep asking? -You got your hand slammed…

Is that what happened? I didn't even notice.

Hi, there, and welcome to fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada and TGL.

I am Matt Barrie. What a match we have in store for you tonight.

For that, we go down to the turf and Roger Steele.

- -Hey, Lance.

How cool is this, huh? Isn't this crazy?

What'd you do to your hand now?

Is that a PAW Patrol Band-Aid?

Yeah, it's a PAW Patrol Band-Aid.

-Never mind. I don't want to know. -I smashed it in that crazy car out there.

Yeah, is that your excuse?

Why would I need an excuse?

Just wait.

God, these lasers. It's… It's like it's my bar mitzvah.

We're not supposed to talk, supposed to just walk through.

I've always wanted a bar mitzvah.

Two titans of the sport! Two men who know each other well!

Fresh off his win at the Phoenix Open, Lance Hawkins!

And playing against Lance, he's a golf legend,

three-time major winner, Lonnie "The Hawk" Hawkins!

- -Hawk! Hawk! Hawk!

One-man teams today, head-to-head.

The winner is going home with three million dollars.

The loser goes home with nothing.

Are you ready to play some TGL golf?

Look, I'm ready.

I don't know about this old dinosaur over here.

Ouch! Coming in hot. Lonnie?

Well, this old dinosaur might turn out to be a velociraptor.

And you know what they say about velociraptors.

They can't hold a golf club,

but they sure as hell can rip your dick off.

- -

When we come back, the first tee!

Hawk! Hawk! Hawk! Hawk!

That was great, calling me a dinosaur.

You really got the crowd going.

I'm not fucking around, Dad.

Son, never play golf angry. It'll hurt your game.

Let's have some fun.

I'll play however I want to play.

All right?

You're done.

Prepare to be humiliated.

Okay, that's not fun.

Can't spell "fun" without "F-U."

True.

My goodness, what a start for Lance Hawkins.

He just ripped a drive 320 yards down the center of the fairway.

Good shot.

Big question now, what does Dad have in the tank?

- - Get in the hole!

425, that's how it's done.

-What? -

-225? What the fuck? -

Who's running the technology? China?

- Hawk! Hawk! Hawk! -Huh? Who's running the tech?

That's more like it.

-Hawk. Hawk. Hawk. Hawk. -Hawk! Hawk! Hawk! Hawk! Hawk!

-Hawk. -

It's your standard boilerplate rev-share agreement.

I think you'll find the terms very favorable.

It's good, Stacy. I want in. I want a piece of Teed Off.

Right. What makes you think I'd be interested in getting involved with you?

It's a great product, all right?

It's just been mismanaged.

We did some testing. Lance is not connecting

as the face of your product.

His scores were very low.

Very low.

Women 18 to 34 described him as "low energy,

boring, non-fuckable."

-Oh, shit. -

He just doesn't give off the fun, carefree lifestyle you get with a Golden Fisk.

And what about Mike's Hard Lemonade?

-We have that covered. -Look, I love Mike's.

Mike's has been very good to me.

But I know that there's a path forward that might make everyone happy.

I mean, of course, I'm interested.

But it is a little complicated because we're talking about my own son.

I can't just toss him aside.

I'll tell you what Golden Senior told me.

You get one shot at hitting the big time.

And that's it. Think about it.

Golden Fisk

and Teed Off.

It's just good business.

Ow!

Even though he seems to be in some sort of pain,

Lonnie Hawkins has managed to turn this game around.

Just swing as hard as you can, come on.

- -

Come on, Lance. Come on, Lance.

- - Hawk! Hawk!

- Hawk! Hawk! Hawk! -

-Come on. -

No, no, no, no…

-God… damn it! -

I've gotta tell you, I've seen some things in TGL before after nine holes,

but this is absolutely unbelievable.

Lonnie Hawkins has a commanding lead over his son, Lance,

who seems to have imploded and has 170 yards to the pin.

Loosen up, kid. You're playing angry.

-Remember, it's a game. -Not to me, asshole.

Did I kill your dog or something?

Hey. Just play, okay?

Just shut the fuck up and play.

- -Ooh! Felt good.

Except for my hand.

Video golf. I always loved video golf.

Agh, I hate video golf. I've always said it's not real golf.

And… it's in the lava.