Missing Link

This tea is tepid, Mr. Lint.

I'm sorry, Sir Lionel.

It's a cold night, and we're a long way from shore.

Shh! Do you hear that?

Mm-mm.

Ah, yes. The perfect spot. Now, we have work to do.

Break out the bagpipes.

Very good. Okay, here we go.

Do you think this will work, sir?

They do say music soothes the savage beast, Mr. Lint.

I'm not sure in this case, sir.

Is the camera to hand? It is essential.

Under your seat, sir.

Good.

Let those fellows at the club scoff

when faced with irrefutable proof.

I should've joined the army.

- Sir Lionel? - Hmm?

Darwin's finches! She's real!

I knew it. I knew it.

Oh, she's a spirited one, isn't she? Ha-ha!

- Hold this, will you? - Whoa!

Ah, okay.

Oh!

Oh!

A little to the right, please.

No, no, no. My right.

That's it, that's it. Now, what do we say?

Help me!

No, Mr. Lint. What else do we say?

My hands are bleeding!

- Can we say "cheese"? - Please!

Close enough.

Oh!

A carnivore. Huh.

Do buck up, Mr. Lint. No harm done.

Aah!

Oh, fiddlesticks.

I quit!

I can't take any more of this. I won't!

You were mauled by a prehistoric lake monster.

How many people can claim that?

None. Because they're all dead!

I thought you were made of sterner stuff.

What is wrong with you? I'm a human being!

Yes, one of over one-and-a-half billion.

But that creature, on the other hand,

is one of a kind. Don't you see?

Oh, I see perfectly well.

It's no wonder you can't keep anyone around.

Do stay, Mr. Lint.

I'll make absolutely sure you don't get eaten again. I promise.

You said that last time!

If I'm ever to be taken seriously by the adventuring community,

I must... I must provide proof, yes.

You see, my mistake was relying on these newfangled cameras.

We'll go back. We'll get some real evidence.

- We can... - No, we shall not.

You, sir, are on your own.

Uh...

Oh, bother.

Ew.

"Dear Sir Lionel Frost, as famed seeker of mythical beasts,

"you may be interested in this proposition.

"I can reveal to you the as-yet-undiscovered creature

"known as the Sasquatch.

"Follow the trail along Old Kemp Creek in Washington State,

"and you will find him.

"I am truly the real deal, and I...

I believe you are, too."

Huh.

Old Kemp Creek. I knew it. Ha-ha!

The game is afoot!

Ha-ha! A foot. It's a... Hmm. Right.

Oh, it's you. You know I have strict orders not to...

Yes, yes, very good, thank you.

There he stood before me,

his wicked heathen eyes locked on mine.

No sound but the wind whistling through his grass skirt.

Then, in a flash, I fell to one knee,

thrust my hand down my trouser leg,

whipped out a pistol I had concealed against my inner thigh,

aimed it right between his eyes,

and dropped him where he stood quicker than you could say, "God save the Queen."

How do you like that, hmm?

A noble battle.

Thank heaven he wasn't armed.

And then what happened?

Uh, I wasn't out of the woods yet.

Not by a long shot.

The one thing that still stood in my way was...

Sir Lionel Frost!

Gentlemen...

I bring thrilling news.

Oh, it's the monster hunter.

This club is for members only.

What is it this time, Frost?

Did you come to tell us about Nessie?

Ah, Lord Piggot-Dunceby.

Why don't you show us what proof you found in the loch, hmm?

Yes, a regrettable conclusion to an otherwise rather promising expedition.

Uh...

But I'm not here to bemoan past misfortune.

I am here to unveil my latest

and most tantalizing enterprise, gentlemen.

Here he goes again.

- Now wait. - Give it up, man.

- What I have here is a cast... - Oh!

...of a giant, non-human footprint.

- That's a big foot. - I bet he's a big fellow. Heh.

One of dozens of documented eyewitness reports

of a mysterious creature.

- Do you mind? - Oh.

Huge, hairy, and walking upright.

Neither ape nor man,

but the link in between.

Yes, he's had many names:

Skookum, Rougarou,

Tse'nahaha, Loo Poo Oi'Yes...

...and most commonly known in... in a muddled derivation of an old Halkomelem dialect,

- as Sasquatch. - Heh. That'll never catch on.

I offer you a glimpse of a legendary creature lost in time

and proof... proof, I tell you...

that man's primate ancestors are not just tall tales and flights of fancy,

but alive and well

and living in the New World.

Ha-ha!

- The very thought of it. - Well, I never!

- Poppycock! - But think of it.

Evidence of man's primitive ancestry, the missing link!

No, sir, I shan't think of it. I won't.

- Uh... - Look around you.

You stand beneath the most renowned adventurers of the world.

The members of this club have crossed oceans,

tamed jungles, conquered the tallest peaks.

We've butchered the ungodly...

...and brought good British table manners

to savages the world over.

You, sir, seek to make a mockery of us.

No, no, no. I seek to join you.

And the discovery of this creature

must surely secure my place here.

I mean, what do you say to that?

I say we are descended from great men,

not great apes.

Well, I say you're wrong.

What?

I... I believe the two go hand in hand,

- and what's more, I... - What did he say to me?

I think he said you're wrong.

I have heard enough.

Your words are nothing.

My word is everything. What is yours worth?

I beg your pardon?

I give you my word I'll bring back proof of this creature,

and in return, you'll admit you're wrong,

and you'll grant me membership here,

so I might finally take my place where I truly belong.

You do not belong here, and you will fail.

Well, in that case, you have nothing to lose.

Very well.

You'll swear on it?

I will.

Then you'll excuse me if I take my leave.

I, uh... I have much to prepare.

Thank you.

Until next we meet, gentlemen.

These are dark days, Collick.

Electricity, suffrage, evolution.

We are on the brink of a precipice.

Yes, mark my words. And the ground beneath us

is clawed away by these... these new thinkers.

They'll change the world,

and there'll be no room in it for the likes of me.

But, my Lord,

Frost's frivolous escapades usually amount to naught.

He can't possibly win this wager.

I'm not taking any chances!

No, I must make a stand for all that is civilized.

But how are you going to do that, my Lord?

Gonna hire a thug to kill him.

Oh, yes. That'll do it.

Hello?

Hmm.

Shh!

Stop, please!

Please wait!

It's still there.

Excuse me. I think I've got a little something stuck in my...

There it is.

In my throat. Like a nut or a...

or a field mouse or something like that. I don't know.

Am I rambling? I'm a little nervous, if I'm being honest.

I...

Sir Lionel Frost, I presume.

Hi.

I don't believe it.

I mean, you can speak.

Yes. And, um, I write as well.

My penmanship isn't great, but, uh...