Robin Hood: Prince of Pheebs

*

- * W-w-w-w-we're going on a date night *

* A night without our children

- * No kids, no problem, freedom **

- You guys have to do that every time you go out?

- Oh, honey, we love you, but you made us old.

- Dad, why aren't you wearing your awesome new glasses?

- Oh, Thunderman does not need glasses.

I have the vision of a jungle cat.

Ah!

- Lucky for you, there are no coffee tables in the jungle.

- Hey, thanks for watching Chloe.

It'll be so easy.

I mean, she kinda adores me.

Greatest big sis ever.

Oh, I even bought her new pajamas

with sparkly slippers.

- Oh. - Ah.

I look good, baby.

Mom, Dad!

Billy got salami grease all over my tablet.

- Actually, you got your tablet all over my salami grease.

Apologize.

- Billy, enough with the salami eating.

- But it's full of all kinds of Italian vitamins,

like these white speaks and chewy things.

- Just listening to you kids makes me older.

Off to the movies.

Thunderman, away!

Sorry, Barb, shall we?

All right, bye, guys.

- All right, have fun, guys. - Bye.

- All right, Chloe, who's ready to hear

the story of Robin Hood?

Max!

Apparently not you.

Hello, my little munchkin.

I heard the tooth fairy

brought you a silver dollar last night.

Cha-ching!

Excellent.

Now, watch as I place the money behind your ear and...

poof, it's gone.

Can you stay with us?

Well, of course, I can.

I'm just not gonna.

Hey.

Give Chloe her money back.

- I'm just keeping it safe for her.

Like her birthday money.

- I love Max. He's my favorite.

Whoa, Max is your favorite?

The same Max who just stole your tooth money?

- He's funny, and he has great hair.

I have great hair, too.

Come on, what does he have that I don't have?

- A bunny, a band, a slide-- - Okay, new plan.

Uh...I have a better story than Robin Hood.

It's called Phoebe Hood,

and it might just change the way

you feel about certain people in this house.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away,

there lived a beautiful girl named Chloe the Cute.

Everyone loved her, and she loved everyone,

except the evil sheriff.

Hello, peasants.

It is I, Sheriff Maxingham.

Sheriff Maxingham is evil?

Oh, yeah.

He's definitely not anyone's favorite.

And his hair is not so great either.

*

* What you see is not what you get *

* Living our lives with a secret *

* We fit right in, bet you'd never guess *

* Because we're living our lives just like all the rest *

* A picture-perfect family is what we try to be *

* But closer you might see the crazy things we do *

* This isn't make-believe

* It's our reality

* Just your average family trying to be normal *

* And stay out of trouble

* Living a double life *

Tell me more.

- Hey, if you want to hear the whole Phoebe Hood story,

you're gonna need a snack.

- Where'd you get movie theater popcorn?

From Daddy.

Okay. Anyway, um, where was I?

Oh, right.

The mean old Sheriff Maxingham had just arrived.

Did I mention nobody liked him?

Especially Chloe the Cute.

- Now line up and pay your taxes for the king,

you deadbeats.

- We barely have enough money for food, dye-bro-sof.

- I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of your stench.

Now hand over the lute.

And the rest of you, show me the money!

I said show, not throw.

What about you, little girl?

Do you have anything of value for the king?

Nope.

Hmm.

What about those golden slippers?

Hand 'em over, Hobbit Child.

- Hey, you won't get away with this, Sheriff Dude.

- Oh, yeah? Who's gonna stop me?

*

I'm going to stop you.

And you are?

- Phoebe Hood, protector of the weak and...

other people who can't afford to shower.

- You may protect the poor and stinky,

but who's gonna protect you?

They are.

*

These are my merry men.

- I'm sorry. I mean, my merry crew.

Barb Marian.

Little Hank.

- Your days of stealing are over, Maxingham.

He's that way.

You'd know that if you wore your glasses.

Don't forget Friar Billy.

May the salami be with you.

And finally--

Beyoncé?

- Uh, sure, if that's what you want,

then yes, Beyoncé.

*

Hey! Who greased up my tablet?

He who felt it dealt it.

- Guys, can we focus on fighting injustice here, please?

You think you scare us?

My men are fearless.

That changes things.

- We'll take our belongings now, if you don't mind.

- You haven't heard the end of this, Phoebe Hood.

Phoebe Hood! Phoebe Hood! Phoebe Hood!

- You're my favorite, Phoebe Hood.

She should be your favorite, too, Tiny Dude.

And so Phoebe Hood and her merry crew

started giving everyone back their stuff.

But Chloe the Cute's slippers were nowhere to be found.

- What happened to the slippers?

- They were stolen by that jerk Max.

Phff, did I say Max?

I meant Maxingham.

Funny, they almost sound the same, don't they?

- Anyway, back at the castle, Sheriff Maxingham

trembled in fear before his mighty, all-powerful king.

Fear me!

You dare to return to King Colosso with no money?

Have you seen the royal treasury?

We are this close to being common folk.

I can't even afford a decent jester.

- What do you call a pony with a sore throat?

A little horse.

Uhhhh.

You've got to get rid of Phoebe Hood.

How?

I don't know how to find her.

Well, if you don't,

I'll tell everyone you wear a wig.

- That was a secret between friends.

Wait! I have an idea.

If we can't find her, maybe we can lure her to us

by hosting an archery contest.

She'll never show.

- She will, if these are the grand prize.

Uh. Golden slippers?

- When Phoebe Hood shows up for these,

we'll be waiting for her.

- Why did the king go to the dentist?

To get his teeth crowned!

And they accuse me of torture.

*

So, the king threw a contest,

and invited the best archers from across the land.

*

- I promise I will win back your slippers.

You're my hero, Phoebe Hood.

Bad-da-da-ba-ba-ba!

Make way for the king!

Boooo!

- Oh, look how they love their king,

calling me their boos.

Back at ya, boos!

- You ready to catch Phoebe Hood, Your Highness?

- This better work, Maxingham, or I'll put you on poop patrol.

- And you people wonder why I stink.

Let the royal contest begin!

Our first contestant, Sheriff Maxingham.

Watch and learn, people.

*

Boo-yah!

That's how you do it.

I guess those golden slippers are all mine.

Unless, someone here can beat me.