Seinfeld

Car names are so stupid, aren't they?

No baron has ever owned a LeBaron.

Or the Ford LTD.

LTD. Limited.

It's a limited edition.

What do they make, 50 million of those?

Yes, it's limited to the number we can sell.

Or when they try and mangle a positive word into a car name.

You know how they'll do that?

The Integra.

Oh, integrity?

No. Integra.

The Supra or the Impreza.

The Supra or the Impreza.

Yeah, well, I hope it's not a "lemona," huh?

Or you'll be hearing from my "lawya."

So George, you sure I can't show you any other cars?

Heh, heh. I don't think so, Vic.

Done my homework. '89 Volvo.

That's the car for me. It's the one I want.

I got a LeBaron convertible right here.

Heh, heh. N.I. Not interested.

It's got a few more miles on it,

but the previous owner was Jon Voight.

Jon Voight?

Okay, Tim. You're welcome.

Was that Tim Whatley?

Yes, it was.

He wanted your address.

You, my friend, are going to be invited

to his night-before-Thanksgiving party.

You know he's got that great apartment on 77th Street,

and they overlook where they inflate all those huge balloons

for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.

I have always had a big crush on Tim Whatley.

Why can't he ask me out?

Oh, he's a dentist. You don't want to go out with a dentist.

Why?

He'll always be criticizing your brushing technique.

It'll drive you crazy.

Away from the gums.

Away from the gums.

Uh.

New car! Oh!

Hey!

Did you get the Volvo?

No, I decided to go with an '89 LeBaron.

A LeBaron?

I thought Consumer said Volvo was the car.

What consumer?

I'm the consumer.

Ah.

Seems like a strange choice.

Well, maybe so.

But it, uh, was good enough for Mr. Jon Voight.

But it, uh, was good enough for Mr. Jon Voight.

Jon Voight?

The actor?

That's right.

He just happened to be the previous owner

of the, uh, vehicle.

You bought a car because it belonged to Jon Voight?

No. No.

I think "yes, yes."

You like the idea of telling people

you're driving Jon Voight's car.

All right, maybe I do. So what?

I've never even seen him in a car.

I mean, look at his movies.

No cars.

Deliverance, canoe.

Deliverance, canoe.

Midnight Cowboy, boots.

Runaway Train,

runaway train.

Hey.

Jerry, you know that shoe repair place at the end of the block?

If they don't get some business, they're gonna have to shut down

and make way for one of those gourmet coffee or cookie stores.

I like coffee.

I like cookies.

Of course you do.

And you know why?

Because you're a bunch of yuppies.

It's your "go, go" corporate-takeover lifestyles

It's your "go, go" corporate-takeover lifestyles

that are driving out these mom-and-pop stores

and destroying the fabric of this neighborhood.

What's so great about a mom-and-pop store?

Let me tell you something.

If my mom and pop ran a store, I wouldn't shop there.

Hey, Bucambo, they've been in the neighborhood for 48 years.

Now, come on, Jerry.

You gotta have a pair of shoes in need of a cobbler.

I really don't wear the kind of shoes that have to be cobbled.

Well, what about sneakers?

You know, they'll clean them. They do complete detailing.

You know, they'll clean them. They do complete detailing.

All right. Take 'em.

Yeah, yeah.

Kramer, without you, we'd be out of business.

These sneakers, they belong to my neighbor,

Jerry Seinfeld, the comedian.

So many sneakers.

He's got a Peter Pan complex.

They'll be ready a week from Thursday.

Oh, well, no rush.

Uh-oh.

What's the matter?

I keep getting these nosebleeds.

Lie down.

And put your head back.

Oh, yeah.

Oh!

Hey, what's with your ceiling?

What?

You got wires sticking out every which way.

That looks dangerous.

You should call an electrician.

You know, in the 48 years we've been here,

I don't think we've ever called an electrician.

Yeah, well, you should.

This place could blow any minute.

[BIG-BAND MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

Elaine?

Yes, Mr. Pitt?

Have you gotten all the salt off those pretzels yet?

No. I'm still working on it.

What in blazes are you listening to?

Artie Shaw. "Honeysuckle Jump."

That was Artie Shaw. "Honeysuckle Jump."

Elaine, how did you know that?

My father used to have a huge collection of big-band records.

Congratulations to our listener Wayne Hopper

for identifying it. And by doing so, he becomes our

seventh person to man the WFBB-sponsored

Woody Woodpecker balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.

Woody Woodpecker balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.

There are only three spots left.

We're going to take a little break now.

When we come back, you'll have three more chances

to win a spot holding a rope under Woody Woodpecker.

Could you identify the next song? Could you? Could you?

Mr. Pitt, why would you want to hold one of the ropes

from the Woody Woodpecker balloon?

My father was a stern man.

He forbade us to participate in any activities

that he thought were associated with the common man.

The Thanksgiving Day parade was first on the list.

All right. Okay.

I'll do the best I can.

All right,

All right,

here we go for the next spot under the balloon.

If you know the name of this next song, call 555-BAND.

Well, Elaine? Do you know it? What song is it?

Will you shut up? I can't hear!

I'm sorry!

Oh! I've got it!

It's "Next Stop, Pottersville."

Goody! Yes, yes, yes!

"Next Stop, Pottersville"! "Next Stop--"!

You are a genius!

You are gonna love this car,

even if you don't like Jon Voight.

even if you don't like Jon Voight.

I like Jon Voight.

It just seems like kind of a strange reason to buy a car

because he might have driven it.

What do you mean, might?

You don't think he really owned this car?

I don't know.

Why would the guy make up something like that?

Of all the names he could pick,

why settle on Jon Voight?

Don't you see? That's the genius of it.

If he had said Liam Neeson,

you'd know he's making it up.

Liam Neeson?

You're comparing Liam Neeson with Jon Voight.

Jerry, we're talking about Joe Buck.

If you can play Joe Buck, Oskar Schindler's a cakewalk.

If you can play Joe Buck, Oskar Schindler's a cakewalk.

Oh, look at this. I stepped in gum.

Whoa, whoa!

You're not getting in my car with gummy shoes.

All right.

I'll change my shoes.

Liam Neeson.

You know he's not American.

Let me get a clean pair.

Kramer!

Hey.

Where's all my sneakers?

You said take 'em.

Not all of them!

Well, obviously, there was a miscommunication.

Obviously.

So, what am I supposed to wear?

Jerry, I left you a pair right here.