Dick

In 1974, President Richard Nixon resigned in disgrace...

...amid the Watergate scandal.

One of the mysteries of the 20th century...

...pertains to the identity of Deep Throat...

...the inside source who leaked the information to the Washington Post.

Who is Deep Throat?

Tonight, my guests will answer that question.

Bob Woodward, Carl Bernstein...

...Post reporters who broke the story so many years ago.

- Nice to have you here. - Thank you for having us.

Let's just get right to it.

Who is...

...Deep Throat?

Uh, well, first of all, we're not telling you.

Second, I was under the impression that I would be the only guest tonight.

Well, I guess you're not, Bob.

You know, you guys are getting pretty old now.

So, what's your point?

I'm wondering...

...are you ever going to tell anybody who Deep Throat is...

...before you die?

Well, a lot bigger names than you...

...have asked us who Deep Throat is, so...

I don't think we'd reveal it on a little show like this.

You know what I think?

I mean, I'm just gonna come right out and say it.

I don't think there is a Deep Throat. I think you made it up.

- Yes, there is! Deep Throat is... - Don't say it! He's trying to trick us!

I'm sorry, Bob.

Don't ever touch me.

- Bob, I said I'm sorry. - Don't ever!

You smell like cabbage.

Oh, fudge!

Okay.

Okay.

Dear Bobby:

I'm having so much fun already.

I need you to concentrate.

- Dear Bobby: - Hold on, hold on.

- Here's the reason... - Wait.

Arlene, I need to have time to review my letters.

Okay.

- We have a deadline. - I know.

I need to concentrate. Hold on. Let me just look at them.

Okay. Dear Bobby:

Here's the number one reason that I think...

Okay, I'm ready.

- "A." - Okay.

Dear Bobby:

Here's the number one reason that I think that you should choose me...

...Arlene Lorenzo...

...for the "Win A Date With Bobby Sherman" contest...

- ...in Tiger Beat magazine. - Hold on. Wait.

Number one: I love you.

And number two: I just think you're cute.

B, B. Oh, my God, they're both together.

But the main reason that I think you should pick me, Arlene Lorenzo...

...is because we're soul mates, Bobby.

You are so brilliant, Arlene.

So, what do we have so far?

"Dear Bobb...

...y."

I think maybe I could type faster than you.

Four more years!

Four more years!

- What are you looking at? - Nothing.

You seem pretty interested in nothing.

Give me those.

Oh, yeah.

I'll take the one doing cartwheels.

What time is it?

Shit!

Um... The gemstone is glistening.

The gemstone is glistening.

She's finally asleep!

The deadline to enter the contest is midnight. We have to hurry.

We have to mail this letter. Go...

...so I can win, or I swear I'll die.

- Evening, Mr. Whipple. - Evening.

Don't squeeze the Charmin.

- Hi, Dad. - Hi, Georgie.

- Can I carry the Charmin? - Yep, but no squeezing.

What did you do in the store today?

You should've seen it.

There I was, and these two ladies were squeezing the Charmin.

This way, we can get back in without having to go to the lobby.

So nobody'll ever see us and tell my mom.

Arlene.

You're a genius!

Okay.

Down, down!

It's Fat Freddy.

Shh! Shh!

That is so disgusting.

Go, go. Go, go, go!

What the...?

Oh, shit!

Max, call the cops. Looks like we got a break-in here.

You know why I love Bobby?

Because he cares about people but also about nature and ecology.

I need a status report. Give me a 20 for gemstone. Over.

Jewel thieves.

- Really? - Yes.

Hold it!

Get away from us!

Young people running wild in the middle of the night.

Hey.

By the time you're grown, you'll be living in the Soviet Union of America!

She's still out like a light.

We have the suspects in custody!

It was a jewel heist.

See if you can get any statements from them.

Arlene?

Betsy?

What are you two doing up at this hour?

Nothing.

Last night, five men were arrested...

...in the Democratic Committee office...

...during an attempted burglary at the Watergate complex.

It has been confirmed...

...that one of the arrested was formerly an employee of the CIA.

Aren't you students excited...

...about visiting the home of the president and the first family?

- Well, not really. - No.

And after our tour, we're having lunch at McDonald's.

I love McDonald's so much!

French fries! French fries!

He looks like he's wearing blush.

That guy has T.P. stuck to his shoe.

Hey, mister!

- Hey, you! - Shorty, turn around.

Young lady, I am a very busy man.

Wait a minute, I know you.

Me too. But from where?

I don't know.

Do you sell corn dogs at the mall?

As far as you're concerned, I have no identity at all.

As a matter of fact...

...I'm not even here.

He's way weirder than the corn dog guy.

And this isn't T.P.

It's a piece of paper with names and amounts of money on it.

"CREEP list"?

I guess all the people on that list must be creeps.

Mm-hm.

Souvenir.

Let's go.

Jesus, Gordon, they're just little girls.

They were in the Watergate last night. They know too much, Bob.

I want to interrogate them.

I think you've done enough, what with bumbling the burglary and all.

Just pay off all your guys on that CREEP list.

Don't worry about that. I've got that right here.

G. Gordon Liddy is not going to let down the president of the United States.

Would you ladies like to see the West Wing of the White House?

- Oh! - Sorry.

This is fun.

Look at that b...

Ladies...

...when you think of your president...

...do you think...

...friendly thoughts?

I don't think about him that much.

But when you do...

...you don't think...

...unfriendly thoughts, do you?

- No. - No.

So you would never want to do anything that might...

...hurt the president?

Never. No.

Because you see...

Excuse me, Mr. Haldeman.

It's your wife. She says it's rather urgent.

Excuse me, ladies.

Hello, dear.

Mm-hm. Yeah, just putting out a little fire here at the White House.

I can stop by the store on the way home.

Mm-hm. A dozen? The poppy kind.

I'll tell you the problem. The dog doesn't like me.

Kennedy and Johnson had dogs that liked them. That's the problem.

Mr. President, maybe you should show the dog more affection.

Maybe I ought to fire you!

Come on, boy.

Looks away. Doesn't look at me.

What'd I do to him? Nothing.

You're supposed to love me, Checkers.

Shouldn't you call him King Timahoe, sir?

Come here.

Where's he going?

No, I am not uptight.

When did you start talking like that, anyway?

What's going on in here?

Mr. President, if I may.

Look how cute you are. Come here.

Come here, baby.

It's the president.

I mean, all I asked for was a simple bugging, all right?

I don't know how many times we've done that.

And here they go and screw it up.

Hi, puppy. Nice puppy!