South Park

THROW IT AWAY, CLYDE.

I'M NOT GONNA TOUCH IT. YOU THROW IT AWAY.

WHAT'S GOING ON ?

SOME HIGH-SCHOOLERS LEFT A MARIJUANA CIGARETTE BEHIND.

WE HAVE TO THROW IT AWAY BEFORE SOME KIDS FIND IT OR SOMETHING.

SO THROW IT AWAY.

NOBODY WANTS TO TOUCH IT.

WHAT IF THE RESIDUE GETS ON OUR HANDS

AND IT LEADS TO HARDER DRUGS LIKE THOSE COMMERCIALS SAY ?

YEAH, DIDN'T YOU SEE THAT COMMERCIAL WHERE IT SAYS

IF YOU HAVE POT YOU CAN BECOME A TERRORIST ?

AND THE COMMERCIAL WHERE TWO KIDS HAVE POT

AND THE ONE KID SHOOTS THE OTHER.

HARMLESS ?

YOU GUYS, THOSE COMMERCIALS ARE JUST EXAGGERATIONS.

HOW DO YOU KNOW ?

NONE OF US HAVE EVER HAD ANY DRUGS BEFORE.

WELL, I DID ECSTASY ONCE.

ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND TOOK IT,

AND WE STAYED UP ALL NIGHT HAVING S-S-SEX.

WHERE DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH HER ?

IN HER V-V-VAGINA.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

WHAT A TERRIFIC AUDIENCE.

IT'S JUST A STUPID PLANT THAT MAKES YOU DUMB.

TOUCHING IT WON'T HURT YOU.

THEN YOU THROW IT AWAY, SMARTASS.

FINE, I WILL.

THERE-- SEE ? I TOUCHED MARIJUANA--

I'M NOT A TERRORIST, I DIDN'T SHOOT ANYBODY

AND I DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING MORE DRUGS NOW.

NO BIG DEAL.

You kids don't around

with your mom !

Dad, we can't !

The ( bleep, bleep )

STAN, WHAT'D I TELL YOU ABOUT WATCHING "THE OSBOURNES" ?

OH, COME ON, MOM !

IT'S GOING TO MAKE YOU RETARDED !

IT'S JUST A SHOW !

IT DOESN'T HAVE ANY EFFECT ON ME

FOR 'S SAKE !

OH GOODIE, NOW WE CAN WATCH THE NEWS.

In other news, South Park police are still looking for

a crazy man who terrorized the town one hour ago.

The man claimed to be from the future

and ran naked through the city streets,

screaming, "The past ! The past !

Oh my god, it's the past !"

Which is what one would expect someone from the future to yell.

OH MY GOD, IT'S THE PAST !

OH WHOA, MAN, IT'S YOU !

WHO ARE YOU ?

IT'S ME, MOM, YOUR SON, STAN !

WHO IS IT, SHARON ?

DAD !

DAD ?

LOOK, WE DON'T KNOW YOU AND YOU DON'T KNOW US.

JUST GO AWAY BEFORE WE CALL THE POLICE.

WHO THE IS IT, MOM AND DAD ?

NO WAY, IT'S ME FROM THE PAST !

I'M ME FROM THE PAST ?

NO, I'M YOU FROM THE FUTURE.

OH MAN, THIS IS SO MESSED UP.

OKAY, WE'VE HAD ENOUGH.

YOUR NAME'S RANDY MARSH.

YOU'RE A GEOLOGIST AND YOU DON'T LIKE CHICKEN.

MOM, YOUR MAIDEN NAME IS KIMBLE

AND YOU HAVE A SCAR ON YOUR LEFT KNEE

FROM WHEN YOU SLIPPED AT THE SWIMMING POOL !

RANDY, WHAT'S GOING ON ?

I DON'T KNOW.

DUDE, JUST LET ME TALK TO YOU FOR LIKE FIVE MINUTES.

AFTER THAT, I'LL BAIL.

I CAN STILL REMEMBER WHEN I WAS FIVE

AND YOU BOTH FOUND THAT SQUIRREL I'D BEEN KEEPING IN THE CLOSET,

AND YOU LET ME KEEP IT FOR ANOTHER WEEK,

AND THEN IT RAN AWAY.

BUT THAT'S WHAT YOU TOLD ME,

I KNEW MOM HAD ACTUALLY LET IT OUT.

HOW COULD HE POSSIBLY KNOW ALL THAT ?

UNLESS-- HE IS OUR SON FROM THE FUTURE.

BUT WHY ARE YOU BACK IN THIS TIME WITH US, SON ?

I HAVE NO IDEA, MAN, I WAS JUST ABOUT TO GO TO SLEEP

IN AN ALLEY BEHIND THE CRACK HOUSE.

I HAD SHOT UP A LITTLE HEROIN,

AND THEN THIS ELECTRICAL STORM STARTED.

THE NEXT THING I KNEW I WAS RUNNING AROUND IN MY OWN PAST, MAN.

I THOUGHT I WAS JUST TRIPPING,

BUT THEN I CAME DOWN AND I WAS STILL HERE !

OH DUDE, IT'S SO BIZARRE !

OH DUDE, I SHOULD'VE NEVER TOUCHED THAT MARIJUANA.

STAN, WHATEVER HAS HAPPENED, WE'RE GOING TO HELP YOU.

THAT'S RIGHT.

WE'RE A FAMILY, NO MATTER WHAT TIME SHIFT.

THANKS. COULD I GET ANOTHER BEER ?

YOU MUST BE EXHAUSTED.

WHY DON'T YOU GET SOME SLEEP ?

THAT'D BE KILLER.

WHERE CAN I CRASH ?

WELL, I'M SURE STAN WOULDN'T MIND SHARING HIS ROOM.

WHAT ?! I HAVE TO SHARE MY ROOM WITH MY FUTURE SELF ?

OH, NO !

STOP IT.

QUIT IT.

HEY GUYS. HEY.

WHOA ! KYLE AND CARTMAN !

SO COOL TO SEE YOU GUYS !

WHO'S THIS ASSHOLE ?

THIS IS MY FUTURE SELF.

HE CAME DURING THE ELECTRICAL STORM LAST NIGHT,

AND IS CAUGHT IN A TIME MATRIX.

HE'S ME WHEN I'M 32.

WOW, THAT'S PRETTY COOL.

BUT HOW DOES HE KNOW OUR NAMES ?

'CAUSE, R-TARD, HE'S STAN FROM THE FUTURE !

HE KNOWS EVERYTHING STAN KNOWS.

OHHH.

WAIT-- STAN BECOMES THIS DOUCHE BAG ?

YEAH, I SPENT A LOT OF MY TEENAGE YEARS ON A SLOW,

DOWNWARD SPIRAL EXPERIMENTING WITH DRUGS AND ALCOHOL.

HA HA AHAAA ! HAA AHAAA HAAA !

SHUT UP, CARTMAN !

THAT IS SO AWESOME !

THANK YOU, GOD ! OH, PRAISE GOD !

HEY, WHAT HAPPENS TO ME IN THE FUTURE ?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

YOU GUYS STAYED AWAY FROM DRUGS SO YOU WERE OKAY.

I JUST LOST TOUCH WITH YOU

AFTER I WAS SENT TO JUVIE HALL IN 2006.

JUVIE HALL ! HA HAHAHA !

STAN'S A LOSER ! STAN'S A LOSER !

GOD DAMMIT.

THANKS FOR STAYING AFTER SCHOOL AND TUTORING ME, BUTTERS.

WELL, SURE THING, STAN.

BUT HOW COME YOU CARE ABOUT SCHOOLWORK ALL OF A SUDDEN ?

I TOLD YOU, I CAN'T STAND MY FUTURE SELF !

I HAVE TO DO WHATEVER I CAN TO NOT BECOME A LOSER LIKE HIM.

WELL, STUDYING IS THE GOLDEN KEY

TO THE IMPOSING DOOR OF SUCCESS.

I JUST CAN'T STAND HAVING MY FUTURE SELF AROUND ALL THE TIME.

IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY !

MAYBE IF I GET SMARTER I WON'T BECOME HIM

AND I WON'T HAVE TO SHARE MY ROOM !

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

I HATE HAVING MY FUTURE SELF AROUND TOO !

YEAH, IT'S LIKE EVERYTHING I DO, HE--

WAIT A MINUTE-- WHAT DID YOU SAY ?

I SAID I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

MY LIFE HAS GONE COMPLETELY DOWNHILL

EVER SINCE MY FUTURE SELF MOVED IN.

I HATE HIM.

ALL HE EVER WANTS TO DO IS WATCH "BECKER".

AND THAT SHOW IS SO STUPID.

DUDE, HOW LONG HAS YOUR FUTURE SELF BEEN AROUND ?

OH, I GUESS IT'S BEEN ABOUT FOUR MONTHS NOW.

FOUR MONTHS ?!

AND YOU NEVER TOLD ANYBODY YOU WERE LIVING WITH

YOURSELF FROM THE FUTURE ?!

NOBODY ASKED.

WHERE IS HE NOW ?

PROBABLY WATCHING "BECKER".

My name is T. Becker.

The "T" stands for "Terrific".

HA HA HA !

SEE, HERE HE IS-- FUTURE BUTTERS.

FUTURE SELF, THIS IS MY GOOD FRIEND--

STAN ! SURE I REMEMBER YOU !

YUP, WEARING THAT PUFFBALL HAT LIKE ALWAYS !

OH, HELLO, BOYS.

FUTURE BUTTERS, IT'S TIME TO TAKE YOUR LIVER MEDICINE.

LIVER MEDICINE ?

YEAH, MY FUTURE SELF HAS A BAD KIDNEY

FROM ALL THE DRINKING HE DID IN HIGH SCHOOL.

I NEED TO LEARN TO BEHAVE MYSELF.

HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING, STAN ?

ALRIGHT, WHERE'S THAT SON OF A BITCH'S WALLET ?

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR, HUH, STAN ?

BUTTERS, DON'T YOU THINK IT'S A LITTLE BIT OF A COINCIDENCE

THAT BOTH YOUR FUTURE SELF AND MY FUTURE SELF

GOT CAUGHT IN A "MATRIX-ANX" TIME PLANE ?

WELL, WE BOTH GOT THE SAME TEACHER FOR HOMEROOM, TOO.

YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING THEN.

HERE IT IS.

THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING--

WAIT, WHAT'S THIS ? THIS EXPIRES IN 2002.

WHY WOULD HE HAVE THIS IN HIS WALLET ?

I DON'T FOLLOW.

3451 COLFAX AVENUE.