The Year Without a Santa Claus

Welcome to the North Pole.

"Totally Santa" for the 21st century.

The Man, the Myth, the Titan of Toys--

Santa Claus will be speaking in 10 minutes!

Next summer, I'm sewing you a muumuu.

Any last minute grooming tips for Santa?

Yeah. 3 words:

Gastric bypass surgery.

You know, that's it.

One more fat joke, and I'm gonna bypass you

Right out that door.

Oh, no. And lose the best job in fashion?

Trying to stuff you into the same red suit

Year after year?

Ok, I know you guys are having fun

Over here, all right? But, you know, we got

Two minutes, ok?

Hello.

Hold still!

I would if you'd get your wires

Out of my pants.

I should have been a dentist.

I know. Well, I know.

Well, you know, India's the next China.

That's what they say.

Ha ha! Nobody says that! Come on.

Sparky, what are talking about?

I'm talking about the market and the Christmas futures.

So you wouldn't understand that.

No. Why would I understand anything

About that? I'm only Santa Claus.

That's exactly my point.

Ok. Yeah, well, I'm losing you.

I'm in a tunnel. Ok. Bye-Bye.

Can you hear me now? Everybody go. Out, out. Go.

Psst, psst. Go, go.

Psst. Hey. Go, go, go, go.

Go-Go, go. Go, go.

Here. What's that?

Your opening remarks. I proofread them myself.

Don't bother to thank me. You're welcome.

Santa's in the house, y'all.

Where's my Christmas party people at?

It's good, right? Yeah. I know it is.

The shorties better be good, 'cause

This totally Santa expo is gonna be

Off the hinges, yo.

Yo. Yeah.

Sparky, do I really have to say this?

You're kidding, right?

Oh, come on.

Oh, everyone knows there's no Christmas

Without Santa Claus.

Yeah, but is this really Christmas anymore?

Whoa! No!

Time-Out here.

The world's changing.

Now, we can either change with it,

Or we--Ok. That's-- Look, will you stop

Worrying? Give me a hug.

Come on, you big lug. Come on.

Now, come on.

Now, the kids, the kids of the world.

They are not gonna forget about Santa Claus, all right?

Especially not as long

As I'm running this toy shop.

Who else am I thinking about? Her?

No. Me? No! Barely.

I never really think about myself.

You. I'm thinking about you, ok?

And I'm not lying to you. I never lie.

I used to lie. I don't to that anymore, ok?

I don't try it. It doesn't work too well.

Right. Now, listen, I want you to go out there.

And you make us proud...

Santa Claus.

All right?

Hat! Hat! Get the hat! Will you get the hat?

Smokin'.

Man on P.A.: Ladies and Gentlemen,

The man of the hour--

Mr. Santa Claus!

Santa! Santa!

Santa! Santa!

Santa! Santa!

Santa! Santa!

Santa! Santa! Santa! Santa! Santa!

Santa! Santa!

Santa! Santa!

Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa!

Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa!

Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa!

Ho ho ho!

Ho ho!

What's happening?

Yeesh. Somebody get a lozenge.

Better go rescue him.

Jangle, do you ever wonder

What's on the other side of our sky?

You'd know if you watched more television.

Television? How can you watch so much?

What's on?

Christmas stuff, man.

I love this time of year.

Just look at all of it.

...gather up enough... to change Santa's mind.

This is Julie Kadlubowski-Sanchez

Live from the South Town Main Street

Where I'm speaking with a very special young man

Named Iggy Thistlewhite.

Now, while most kids his age are playing video games

What's this, Jingle?

Or adding to the childhood obesity epidemic,

Iggy is really doing something special

To spread Christmas cheer.

Tell us what's going on, Iggy.

All these great people are getting ready for

The new South Town Christmas Festival.

It's the first festival in 20 years.

And you're the organizer.

That's a pretty big job for a 10-year-old.

I'm just happy to help bring back

This great tradition.

What happened to the original festival, Iggy?

Changing demographics, the shrinking tax base,

Official indifference.

Ha ha! Well, if Iggy sounds like a political prodigy,

He should. His father is Mayor Thistlewhite,

South Town's Mayor.

Mr. Mayor.

Let's go.

Come on, come on. Hi.

Mr. Mayor, what do you think of the idea?

Well, as you know, Miss Kadlubowski-Sanchez,

I have come out again and again as being

Officially Pro-Family.

So I am especially proud that my own son

Has worked so hard to bring this festival

Back to all the good people of South Town.

Thanks to Iggy,

South Town is saying hello to Christmas again.

I couldn't have done it without you, dad.

Well, that's true.

But the real credit belongs to you.

And of course, our great corporate sponsors

Whose names can be found on my website

Well, if you will excuse us,

Iggy and I have to get to work on the mayor's booth.

I hope you'll be joining us for the festival.

I'll be back here on Christmas Eve

With bells on.

Christmas bells, that is.

This is Julie... man.

It makes me miss my mother and father.

They live right next door to you.

Oh, yeah.

I always wondered who those

Black people were next door.

Look, it's Sparky at the toy expo.

Santa's exclusive toy line for the 21st century.

What is that?

Is that felt?

Um, no.

Quite lovely.

You were saying? Right.

You are looking at Santa's exclusive toy line

For the 21st century.

Could you remove your hat, please?

No.

Once upon a time,

Santa had the biggest toy line in the world.

We surrendered our market position

To the multinational toy manufacturers.

But now that I, Nathaniel "Sparky" Thaddeus III,

Am in charge, we're taking it back.

Once again, when kids think of toys,

They're gonna think Santa Claus.

Aah!

Those are my ears.

This is the high-Tech toy of the future, Santa.

I'm Santa Claus not Circuit City.

Do me a favor. Put the device on.

These are sample clips from the games

We'll roll out over the next year.

Ohh! Aah!

Aah! See? Wasn't that fun?

Looks like you're having a great time.

All right, next booth.

And what's he do?

He kills this guy!