King of the Hill

-(birds chirping) -(indistinct chatter)

It's a solid grill, and at this price--

Hey! I've been standing here for 45 minutes!

Ma'am, I'm the only one on the floor today,

so if you could just bear with me, I--

Mr. McKenna's delivery never came.

Mr. McKenna, we're a little short-handed...

Yeah, I, I understand you can't grill an excuse, sir, but I...

Well, sir, I disagree.

I don't think a monkey could do my job.

Hank!

Oh, Hank, I am so excited.

I just joined the planning committee

for the first annual Viva Los Arlentinos Day.

Well, I'm glad you had a good day.

Mine's been just about the worst one I can remember.

We had no one on the sales floor--

It is a festival

celebrating Arlen's rich Hispanic heritage.

And get this, Hank.

There will be an actual bull run!

Isn't that amazing?

It could mean a lot of substitute Spanish teaching gigs.

Hank, I want you to join the committee and help out.

What do you say?

Peggy, I'm exhausted.

I don't have time for some harebrained bull run.

Well, then, I guess I won't have time

to prepare your dinner tonight.

Hey, out of the way!

Hill, why aren't you in the shower?

Uh, well, you know how I am in gym class.

I barely move.

Why shower if I don't sweat?

Oh, nice try.

That'll get you an "A" in debate,

but an "F" in gym.

Now, shower!

I always wanted to run with the bulls.

Sometimes when I'm being chased by dogs,

I pretend they're bulls.

Jeez, Bill, why run with the bulls?

At your weight and cholesterol count,

if you wanna hasten death,

just jump up and down a couple of times.

No, I want the bulls to do it.

Guys, I'm too tired

to hear a bunch of nonsense right now.

Bull runs are stupid.

They tried one in Mesquite last year.

The bulls kept stopping to eat grass off the sidewalk.

Things have changed, Hank.

Mesquite was a wake-up call.

Now they're pumping the bulls with testosterone,

a bona fide magic elixir of power.

It makes a creature bigger, faster, meaner, and smarter.

Like Vin Diesel.

Exactly like Vin Diesel.

Our folks are gonna get trampled and gored

in a way those wussies in Mesquite

could only dream of!

Hey, Bobby.

Hey, Dad.

I'm supposed to ask you to sign this.

You're flunking PE?

Well, how is that even possible?

Uh, well, I guess I'm just smaller than the other guys.

I can't keep up.

Son, PE isn't about being strong or fast

or winning points.

That stuff only matters in...

well, every single other area of life.

But in PE, all you have to do is try.

Okay, I'll try.

The boy's got no fight in him.

I don't get it.

He spends five hours a day playing violent video games.

What's the point if they don't have any effect on him?

Maybe he's missing something.

Like testosterone!

-Dale... -It's the perfect explanation.

Testosterone provides everything Bobby's missing.

Energy, confidence, aggression, agility, muscle, speed.

Just give him a little extra to top him off,

and sha-sha!

Instant puberty.

I don't know.

Now, Joseph... he's bursting with testosterone.

Hey, Joseph, wanna wrestle?

Oh, god, it hurts!

It hurts so much!

-(Joseph grunts) -Huh.

Bobby doesn't need testosterone.

He needs his father's acceptance.

If only his glands could secrete that.

Peggy, we're just taking

-a growing boy to a doctor. -(phone rings)

There's nothing wrong with finding out if...

Hello?

What?

I'll be there as soon as possible.

Donna's out sick.

Now I've gotta do all the bookkeeping

while I'm doing Joe Jack's and Enrique's jobs.

Dang it, dang it!

All the more reason this visit is a waste of time, Hank.

We should just--

Peggy, just drop it, okay?

-(door opens) Well,

except for being incurably ticklish,

I'm a hundred percent healthy!

Bobby, good work!

Now, if you'll all excuse me,

it turns out what I gave in the sample cup

was only half the story.

So you couldn't find anything wrong with him, doctor?

Nope. He's developing at a perfectly normal rate.

Uh-huh. But shouldn't we be giving him

maybe just a little testosterone,

just to top him off?

You know, jump-start that puberty?

Yes, Mr. Hill, testosterone can "jump-start" puberty,

but I don't give radical hormone therapy

to young boys who happen to be mediocre at dodgeball.

Testosterone is most commonly prescribed

to men in their forties with Irritable Male Syndrome.

Irritable what? Who?

Irritable Male Syndrome, or IMS.

It's the male equivalent of PMS.

There's a PMS for men?

Oh, god.

Look, we don't have time to talk politics.

I've gotta get to work.

Men's testosterone levels fluctuate wildly throughout each day.

In some men, it can cause lethargy, anxiety, irritability.

-You have Irritable Male Syndrome! -What?

This is why you didn't wanna help me with Viva Los Arlentinos Day.

This is why you've been grouchy and sluggish and--

Dangit, Peggy, that's ridiculous!

I'm just stressed about my work.

Well, the stress you're feeling at work could be a result of IMS.

It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Just think of it like you're having your menses.

Hank, I'm gonna write you a prescription

for a low-dosage testosterone supplement.

Go ahead and try it for a few--

I don't need testosterone.

I just need you two to get off my goddang back.

Let's go, Bobby.

We're done with this jackass festival.

Testosterone could've elevated Hank's mood,

improved his whole outlook.

Well, I should probably, uh,

turn my back and file a chart or something.

Goddang it! I'm out of clean socks!

Dangit!

Breakfast is ready!

Well, Bobby,

I've scheduled a conference with your PE teacher

so we can discuss the problem.

Oh, my god, Dad!

Don't do that!

I... I forbid it!

Dangit. What is going on with you?

Don't forget about your coffee, Hank.

Okay, the real reason I'm failing PE is...

I won't take a shower with the other guys!

I can't!

Bobby, do not lay this trip on your father

while he's trying to enjoy his coffee.

He's stressed enough without you interrupting

his coffee-drinking time.

All right, Hank, you're free to drink your coffee.

Would you forget about the coffee?

Bobby, no one wants to take a shower after gym.

It's not fun, it's not pleasant,

and usually not very sanitary,

but you do it anyway.

Why?

Because a big part of being a man

is doing things you don't wanna do.

But there's a way to get through it:

You just lower your eyes to the floor and count the tiles.

In my day, there were 60.

Count the tiles.

I'll do it.

Well, I guess I'm off, too.

Wait, Hank!

Don't forget your coffee.

Yeah, I'm gonna need it for the day I'm facing.

And I made you some more for later.

Drink it six hours from now with a meal.

Do not mix it with alcohol.