King of the Hill

-(locks clicking) -(car approaches)

Morning, Dale.

- Mm-hmm. -(car door closes)

Hi, John Redcorn.

Uh... Dale.

-(engine starts) -(tires screech)

Morning, John Redcorn.

Oh, uh, Peggy.

Just dropping off a new healing herb for Nancy, uh...

to help with her migraines.

Gingko Biloba.

Oh, yeah, uh-huh, sure. I've heard of that.

Heck, you must be reading Doyle Harcavy.

What's he got for us this morning?

"When it comes to starting the day

nothing wakes me up faster than coffee."

-(chuckles) - Boy, he's got that right.

"They say children are a blessing,

but mine are holy terrors."

Oh, Doyle Harcavy knows children.

Of course, his daughter jumped out a window.

Oh.

I don't believe it. Doyle Harcavy is retiring from the "musings" column.

No!

He's going to write product descriptions for Bradley air and heat.

I, I don't know how they'll ever replace him.

I know how.

You could write that column, Aunt Peggy.

You're a natural.

Now, Luanne, Peggy has a musing now and then,

but Doyle Harcavy is a musing machine.

I think I could do it as well as anyone else could.

I play boggle, and that takes verbal ability,

and I'm always making observations, all day long.

Really? Go ahead, come up with one.

You mean right now? Okay.

All right... Well, let's see.

Hmm... Mm-mm, mm-mm.

Mmm...

I... like... milk.

Hey, that's the best so far.

Do one about cookies.

Mmm... hmm.

Hmm... no.

Hmm... stupid.

Hmm... mmm...

Too obvious.

Why don't you try some out on me?

Give me your five best.

I cannot work with you coming in here every two hours

and yelling at me.

I'm going to Nancy's.

( Paradise by the dashboard light blasting from inside)

Nancy?

Nancy?

Hello?

Where are you?

- Nancy? -(music stops)

Nancy?

Oh, there you are.

Hello, John Redcorn.

Uh, yes, we were just... uh, back here.

Oh, whew. I just had to get out of that house.

I am trying to do some creative work,

and Hank seems to think that he's helping by making me more and more stressed out.

It is giving me a whopping headache.

Yes, headaches can often be caused by stress.

Of course, John Redcorn.

You're a licensed new age healer.

Why don't I try a healing session with you?

Well, I...

I guess that would be all right.

It is my job.

Oh, that'd be great.

Okay, I'll call you for an appointment.

That was awkward.

What kind of game is she playing?

Well, shug, I don't think she knows about us.

Peggy's got such a trusting nature.

She always believes the best in people.

You know...

all of a sudden, I feel dirty.

I'm going to take a shower.

I'll join you.

Oh, well, isn't this lovely?

I, I wasn't expecting carpet.

I was expecting...

Well, I don't know what I was expecting.

Not carpet.

Peggy... relax.

Well, what an interesting chair.

You know, when I'm sitting in a chair,

I never know quite what to do with my head.

So this, this is wonderful.

- Thank you. - Mm.

It's from Brookstone.

Mmm.

The whales sing of joy and sorrow

of gain and loss...

like Leann Rimes.

Ah, there.

Now lie quietly for as long as you want

while I copy both sides of your insurance card.

Yo, Peggy's going to have a hard time replacing Doyle Harcavy.

That guy's amazing.

You look at his picture in the paper,

he never gets a day older.

Well, she has to mail in a sample column this week.

But she'll muse circles around him if she can just get past her headaches.

Well, those headaches are good as gone.

Peggy went to John Redcorn for a healing.

What?

Don't worry, old John R will fix her up just like he does for Nancy

three times a week.

Oh, Hank, I'm sure Peggy's headache is nowhere near

as serious as N-N-Nancy's.

Ooh, man, I tell you what, man.

You don't even, don't want...

Don't worry about Peggy.

She does not have the same kind of...

medical condition that's causing Dale's wife

to... uh, suffer... unduly.

Where is she?

Oh, hi, Hank.

Uh, hey, Peggy. I guess dinner's gonna be a little late tonight, huh?

PEGGY (contented sigh): Yep.

I just had a headache session with John Redcorn.

He lit some sweet grass, and then I drifted off.

The next thing I knew, I felt fan-freakin'-tastic.

Well, good, your headache's gone.

Then I guess you're all done with John freaking Redcorn.

Oh, no, this is just the beginning.

I have already scheduled another treatment for next week.

Peggy,

I don't know how some guy rubbing your neck helps your head.

I mean, what's the connection?

Ooh, my reporter's instincts tell me someone's a little grumpy

without his dinner.

I...

I just got my first musing.

My husband calls me his better half

because I "better half" dinner on the table when he gets home.

I'm going to go write that up while it's still fresh.

What's wrong, Uncle Hank?

Nothing's wrong. It's good news.

Peggy had her headache cured by John Redcorn.

Stop that!

Put your face back the way it was before somebody sees you.

What's wrong, Luanne?

Nothing's wrong, Bobby.

Now go play outside. Dinner's going to be a little late.

Hank. Would you like a beer?

- This is not a social call, John Redcorn. -(can hisses)

I think I know why you're here.

Your wife came to me with a headache.

A real headache.

Her head actually hurt.

I know that, but as I recall,

that's how it started with Nancy Gribble.

Hank, you are my friend.

I promise you, I would never heal your wife

in the way that I heal the wives of others.

You better not because if you lay one

unprofessional hand on Peggy, I'm going to kick your ass.

-(birds chirping) -(wind whooshing)

I will.

Oh, oh, my! Oh, my lord!

Oh, Hank, I got it.

They are giving me the "musings" column.

Oh, thank God.

You got the job, the pressure's off, no more headaches, right?