A Different Man

.

.

- Oh!

Hey. Hey, man, you all right?

You need to lie down or something?

No, this happens from time to time. It'll pass.

Thanks for asking, though.

All right, well just let me know.

- I'll be at my desk. -

Uh, Mr. Lemuel...

That was maybe on the slightly intense side.

Yeah, we...

I think we want less of an aneurysm-type attack

and more like, uh...

Woozy. You know?

"Oh, oh."

"Oh, oh."

All right? "Oh."

Don't wanna scare people.

Ah. Oh.

Ah. How's that feel?

- Great. - Any notes for me?

Nope, you're great.

Oh. Oh.

Hey. Hey, man, you all right?

Oh.

You, uh, you been at this long?

A little while, I guess.

Mmm. Just got outta Julliard.

This is my first paying gig. My first gig, really.

Mmm. Interesting experience.

- -

I know what you're all thinking,

but you're wrong. I only want directions.

Where's this train headed, huh?

Where's the conductor?

Ask him where this train is bound.

Glory? That's not my ultimate destination.

Fort Lee, New Jersey is my ultimate destination.

I don't know about you suckers,

I got a brother-in-law.

This train is hauling the good, the bad,

and especially the ugly mother fuckers!

So who's gonna be the hero?

- You? - I'm a casting director,

specializing in unique and unusual physiognomies.

- Have you ever considered... Yeah,

they tell me I got star quality.

I believe that. Here...

Salamunovich says,

"Nah, don't worry about it. It's just a gland."

- Cool, yo... - Hey, hey, 4F,

you keepin' a dog in your apartment?

- No, why? - Must be somebody else.

[MOVERS SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE]

Hey. Come on, man.

Watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it.

Hey, hey. No, come here.

Feel this. Feel this.

- Here.

That seem like a lump to you?

A little lumpy.

You know who this guy reminds me of?

Woody Allen, when he was younger and kind of nervous.

Yeah. He's kind of nervous.

Listen, be confident brother.

Take some Brazilian jiu-jitsu,

or that Krav Maga from Israel shit.

Look, hey, little guy.

All unhappiness in life comes from not accepting what is.

Do you know who told me that?

Your shrink. No, I'm serious.

You know who told me that all unhappiness in life

- comes from, uh... - Jesus Christ.

From not accepting what is?

Lady Gaga.

I knew that fucking bitch when she was...

[PEOPLE CHATTERING IN OTHER LANGUAGE]

- - Hi.

Um...

You wanna get there?

Excuse me.

Sorry, he's going...

- Jesus Christ, guys...

[MOVER SHOUTING IN OTHER LANGUAGE]

[MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR SPEAKERS]

[WHISTLE INSTRUCTOR WHISTLING OVER SPEAKERS]

[KNIFE TAPPING ON CUTTING BOARD]

At its most basic level,

whistling is about,

"Put your lips together

- "and blow." Hmm.

Right? Everyone knows that.

Every five-year-old knows that.

But, obviously, it's more complicated than that.

As everyone, uh, who's ever tried

to whistle knows,

that if you put your lips together...

- -

Oh!

All of these muscles,

uh, the sphincter muscles

around your lips...

- Hey. Oh, your hand! - Uh...

Um, I just unpacked my first aid kit.

Right back, hold on.

- ...has something to do... -

Got it.

Oh, um, I'll fix that. Don't worry about it.

- Can we sit here? -

I'm no doctor. I waive all liability.

Do you consent?

Antibacterial ointment and gauze pads

is the extent of my expertise is overstating it.

Oh. Expired. Recently?

It's probably still good though, right?

Yeah. - Um...

Mmm, paper towels.

- It's bad for the earth. Uh...

Let's, uh, examine the wound here.

Oh, shi...

Maybe you need stitches?

- What do you think? - I mean...

- Hmm... - What happened to you?

- It's none of my business. - Hmm.

Okay.

Let's see, ugh.

Those assholes and I just stood there

like a moron.

And I thought, "I've got an enemy in my new building."

This will sting.

Did it not sting?

A little.

Okay, that's, that's good.

It's probably good.

- Hmm. - Brave. This is potent stuff.

Okay, um, let's just...

Before it...

Is this okay?

Hmm? - Oh shit.

I got it on the couch.

- Oh. No, it's okay. - I'm so sorry.

Just tell me if it doesn't come out.

Oh. I got it on my thigh.

That's disgusting.

Hmm.

Oh, you should probably get that checked out.

- Uh... - Your apartment is so lived in.

Yeah. Uh, well, I mean, it, uh, makes sense...

Mine's a war zone.

- Are you from here? Yeah.

Hmm. I'm from Alesund.

- You heard of that? Mmm.

Sorry, what was your name again?

- Edward. E. Lemuel.

I saw it on the mailbox.

I'm Ingrid. Did I say that?

Is that your mom?

Yeah.

Is that you?

Yes.

- Is she alive? No.

So, what do you do?

Uh, well, I... I was just cutting some onions...

You're a writer.

Oh, I found it on the street.

Really? Looks valuable.

"They taunt me and beg me to show my face,

"only so that when I do,

"they can turn away in horror."

What's that?

I... I was just testing it out.

It's interesting.

Actually, I'm a playwright.

I act.

Amazing.

I'm trying to think if I've, uh, seen you in anything.

Not... Not likely.

Well, maybe we'll ride to glory together.

- Maybe. -

Oh, uh, do you know who lived in my apartment before me?

- C. Pulaski? - Uh, yeah.

He, uh, came over to, uh, borrow

some laundry detergent.

Uh, old guy. Widower, maybe.

- Did he die? - I didn't...

I didn't know he was, uh, gone.

Actually, this is not why I came over.

But can I borrow some laundry detergent?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure.

Yeah? - Sure. I...

Um, yeah.

You learning to whistle?

All in all, things look relatively stable.