Episode #1.4

In your face, Captain Armorica!

Metadata, we've been walking all night and I'm pooped!

Come on, Potus. One more attraction to check.

Oh, I can't do roller coasters.

The wind in my face dries out my sinuses.

Not my cuppa tea at all.

-I like hook-a-duck or splat the rat. -Oh, who cares? Come on, Potus!

Oh, no, water! We'll end up soaking wet.

This tune'll be stuck in my head all day.

ASTÉRIX & OBÉLIX: THE BIG FIGHT

Hello, I am Hannabarbera.

Hello, and I'm Blackangus.

Welcome to the Big Fight, everyone!

So, Blackangus, who are the two fighters competing today?

Well, Hannabarbera, first we've the Gaul, Vitalstatistix.

His strength is matched by his courage.

He's the chief of the indomitables,

and he intends to remain so until the sky falls down on his head.

And the sky might well be his challenger!

Aye! He will face Cassius Ceramix, the Gallo-Roman.

And by that, I mean a Gaul who recognizes the greatness of Rome.

And whether it be in speed, in impact, in strength,

and, of course, in fealty to Rome, he is our champion!

It'll be a clash packed with action. Won't it, Blackangus?

Aye, Hannabarbera, it will.

We expect to see violence,

and savagery, and cruelty,

as a lot of the public have come here with their families!

Little Romulus's waiting for his parents near the wolves pen.

Little Romulus, thank you.

"So, at the end of the fight, the chief who's vanquished

will submit control of his tribe to the winner."

No! I'll never submit to a Gallo-Roman.

I know, but we're not there yet, are we?

We're not far from it.

Our druid's still lost all sense of reason.

["You Never Can Tell" by Chuck Berry plays]

And without magic potion, you won't beat Cassius Ceramix.

With a little bit of training I don't see why I couldn't…

You don't stand a chance at all! Even I'd be a better option.

- -You may just have a point.

Oh, come on, Pidiped, you can't be serious.

-With no stick, he'll fall down. -You'll see if I fall down!

-Ow! -No, no, he's got me thinking.

We should change our chief.

Huh? Change our chief?

Yes, 'cause to win the Big Fight we need our strongest Gaul, Obelix.

But… are we allowed to do that?

-Where does it say? Hmm. -There.

Oh, it's engraved in small print.

"If need be, the village chief can be replaced

by any member of the tribe who is picked for the occasion."

- -There you are! We can make Obelix chief.

What about me?

But what about you what?

I don't see why you don't pick me.

Because Obelix is the only one who can win.

How many times we gotta say it?

Do you honestly think he's stronger than this, eh?

-I do. -We should let the people decide.

My friends, name your blacksmith chief of this village,

and we'll regain our strength and serenity.

With me, Fulliautomatix, the quiet forge.

No, no, that won't work!

There you are, thank you.

What this village needs is someone who has experience.

-Not at all! -As the former chief of the village…

Here we go! Same old wine in a new bottle? No.

Not on your nelly. The Gauls want to see new faces.

In that case, we might as well try a brand-new face.

-Like me, for example. -I'm with you, sister.

No… Yes, I do agree. But not now, dear, all right?

Wait, wait, wait.

Being the chief demands a good relationship with the clientele.

-Oh, no, because… -And as a fishmonger…

You're a poisoner, huh!

Pick me, and I'll move his shop to the neighbouring village!

-Oh, yeah? -Further from the sea. Will that do?

Ooh!

-Wait, hold on! No! -

-No, no, no! - Gauls!

- -

So here we are, Blackangus!

Oh, yes, absolutely.

This battle will be ugly, and the public expect it that way.

You're not wrong, Blackangus.

-Is it true you've had over 90 fights? -I have indeed.

Five wins of the Raeburn shield, 12 executions, so I'm an old hand.

That's very rare for a gladiator, no?

Ah, well! That's what I always say to the kids.

The hardest part is to carry on.

-I have a little question for you. -Aye?

How does one feel before such a fight?

Well, you gotta stay focused, you gotta clear your head,

and above all, you keep calm.

- -

Excuse me?

Excuse me!

Er, sorry to bother you!

I'm looking for your chief.

-Our chief? -For the Big Fight.

Oh, yeah, the Big Fight, sure.

One minute.

No rush, take your time, I'll wait by the chariot outside.

Cheers, thanks a lot.

-Just outside the village. - Yeah.

Children, my wife is right.

So you know the fishmonger's, the blacksmith's…

- We know where you are. -I'll wait just there.

So, I was saying, Impedimenta's right.

The future of the village is at stake.

I agree to hand over the role of chief to Obelix.

Has anyone actually seen Obelix?

- No. - What do you mean, no?

No, no, no. Asterix is right.

I've done enough stupid things. You deserve a better chief.

No, Obelix. It would be for the fight and no longer.

No, no, no, no.

I'm good for delivering menhirs.

And that's all. Huh. And I'm hopeless at that.

Look, our chief isn't asking you,

he's chosen you. So, you're our chief.

Hmm?

All right.

Okay.

All right, I accept.

Ah! Thank you, Obelix.

And as your chief,

I name Asterix as our chief. There.

Huh? Er, what?

I'm your chief, I name you chief. So you're chief, that's it.

Oh, okay, I see. Well, considering I'm your chief,

I make you our chief. There.

Hmm? And I'm reappointing you chief.

-I re-reappoint you chief. -No, you chief.

-You chief! You! -You chief.

-Not allowed to reappoint. -I'm one chief ahead.

-You chief. -You chief!

-Chief! Chief! Chief! -Chief! Chief! Chief!

Enough now! Stop acting like children.

-He started it. -He's such a liar.

Obelix, our only hope is you.

-You must agree to be chief. -

Erm, can I open a wild boar shop, for those people who don't like fish?

Of course, you'd be the chief.

But I won't have to make speeches, will I?

You'll be chief. You won't have to do anything.

-Yes, but, will Asterix stop always… -Finishing your sentences? Yes, Obelix.

All right then, sure.

[people chatter excitedly and congratulate]

There. I'm his trainer!

Geriatrix, do you think a wild boar shop is a good idea,

as a first decision as chief?

Eh, will you still do menhirs and have a wild boar shop?

Well, we're a few hourglasses away,

or should I say, a few grains of sand away from the beginning of the fight.

The cheap seats are filling up little by little.

It's taking a while but I can feel it in my bones that this is going to be…

Hold on, Blackangus, I see a VIP heading towards the red mosaic right now!

Aye, it's him!

- - Caesar!

- Caesar! - I love you, Caesar!

I wanna be you!

Oh, what a handsome man!

-There? -Caesar!

-Give a smile, Caesar! -Hey, Mr. Caesar!

-This way, this way! -Give us a smile!

-Oh, yeah! -Very noble.

One can see why he's wearing laurels.

-Simply marvellous! - Lovely!

Not that I want to grovel at all, but he's still extremely sculpturogenic.

But you are kind of grovelling.

Well, you're not wrong. You're not wrong.

Over here!

Okay, thank you, but that's enough now.

Julius, just one more!

No, no more. You've had quite enough. Julius, come on.

It's impossible to work.

Look, look, look. There! Look, she's coming!

-Is it someone important? -Of course, it is! Look, it's her.

Cleopatra, this way please!

Over here, Cleopatra!

- Look this way! - Can you face us as well?

Not just the profile, if you please.

This way, please.