Cats & Dogs

-Morning, Mr. Clark. -Morning, Hunter.

Hi, Carolyn. -Morning.

Scotty, get the door. Don't drop the eggs.

-They're for your dad's experiments. -Okay, Mom.

Calm down, Buddy. It's just me.

Buddy, we're home.

Calm down, Buddy. It's just me.

Buddy!

-Oh, Buddy! Oh! -Buddy!

Buddy!

Oh!

My beautiful pie.

Bad dog!

Get out, get out, get out! Out, you animal!

-Control here. -We've got a serious problem.

My God. Get the best doggone agent you can in there. Go!

Gentlemen, a few moments ago I received word of the gravest nature.

A key agent working the Brody case has been catnapped.

Although he is safe, we must replace him as soon as possible.

Once again, we find ourselves threatened...

...by the great cat menace.

We suspect that a rogue feline is involved in a conspiracy...

...to destroy all we dogs have worked so hard to achieve.

Therefore, in accordance with Plan Delta...

...we have an elite team of agents...

...trained to replace our catnapped comrade.

Right now, replacements are flying in from London.

One will take his place as the Brodys' pet...

...and guard their home from cat invasion.

I need not remind you that the future of man and dog alike...

...depends on the success of this mission.

Failure is not an option.

The stakes are high. We have everything to lose.

One hundred million dogs have placed their destiny...

...squarely in our paws.

I'll bite your ear. Get off me!

That's my eye you're poking.

Step aside. Coming through. Out of the way. Clear the area.

-Not again. -What is it this time?

I don't think this is a good idea.

-I can't believe this guy. -When I pull this rope...

-What's he doing? -...the sack falls on the pitchfork.

It'll send me out the window and on the way to freedom!

-What is it with you? -Me? What's with you?

I want adventure. Not wait to be taken to some boring house.

-What's wrong with a family loving you? -Free food, a warm place to sleep.

And you could go to the bathroom wherever you want.

Don't you want to do something exciting? Like be a police dog!

Or a Russian space dog! Or sample the great bones of Europe!

Come on, guys.

Oh, forget it. See you puppies later.

-Oh, boy, I can't watch. -This ought to be good.

World, here I come!

Look, he's flying.

No, he's not.

Back from your adventure so soon, Scooby-Doofus?

Where am I?

What's that?

-Somebody go look. -You go.

Huh?

All right! Into the hole!

Let's move it! Top-secret operation! Into the hole! Double-time!

I've seen better hustle on a dashboard Chihuahua.

Howdy. Over here!

Down, Clucky! That's one angry chicken.

Front and center, agents!

Go! Let's go, ladies!

Straight line! Ears up! Don't make me muzzle you! Want a chew toy?

-You wanted excitement? -Sir, yes, sir!

-You wanted adventure? -Sir, yes, sir!

If you are chosen, you will be briefed on arrival. Are you ready?

-Sir, yes, sir! -Good luck, men.

These are the cutest beagles you've ever seen.

Over here.

For God's sake, don't forget to wag those tails!

They sound perfect from what you said.

They're so cute.

They've really changed in size...

...and color.

And breed.

Oh.

He is adorable.

Hello!

And you're going to come home with me.

Hmph.

Not good!

I'll be right there. Ow!

-Hi, sweetheart. -Hey.

I have a surprise for you.

A new puppy!

But, Mom, Buddy may still come back.

I'm sorry, hon. I know it's been a month.

But remember how happy we were when we found Buddy?

I bet he's making a new family just as happy right now.

Look at him. And your father does need him for work.

Hm?

You could play Frisbee and hide-and-seek.

Yes. Perfect.

Let me see.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Let me see.

Dander. Standard composition.

Retinal response....

Normal. Proboscis viscosity....

Not too acid, not too alkaline. All right, immune response.

That's excellent!

That's good!

Now, a little protein synthesis and an electrostatic....

So....

I know. Why don't you name him?

Okay. How about "Loser"?

Aw!

It's a dog, Mom.

You're not a loser, are you?

"No, I'm not a loser."

Wait. Lou.

We'll call you Lou.

-ser.

No playing in the good living room.

That carpet is Uzbekistani. Ten thousand thread count.

What?

Loser.

Cat person.

Okay, here's the plan:

Get off this patio, get back to the barn...

...get a better pitchfork.

Huh?

Cool.

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

I like your spirit, but do me a favor and stand back.

That's my biscuit.

That would've been a short assignment.

-Where you going? -HQ ain't training how they used to.

-Who exactly are you? -Name's Butch.

What dumb name did the bipeds saddle you with? Spot? Fifi? Rover?

-Lou. -God forbid.

Oh. Lou. Sorry.

Is that boy always grumpy? They should switch his food.

Humans can get a little emotional. You'll get used to it. Come on.

Where's that coming from?

Whoa!

-Cool. -What? It's standard equipment.

Vid-phone, research archive database, cipher charts, Snausages.

-Hey, what's this? -Heel!

The big button. You don't just press the big button.

-Jeez. -Sorry.

Just try to remember your training.

Let's start. Here's the skinny: Your new master's a scientist...

...working on a cure for dog allergies.

It's big. If no one's allergic to dogs, we'll have the advantage.

This was your predecessor: Agent 1364, AKA Buddy.

He was catnapped. Wasn't on top of his game, so he had to retire.

He got a condo in Boca. Lucky dog.

You're to replace him and keep the cats away from the formula.

Can't let them near that. Now, come on.

All right, agent, let's meet the team.

"Agent"! Whoa!

Kid, look over there.

-That's Peek. -Peek?

I don't get it.

Peek, show yourself.

We got a calico on the corner of Center and Main....

Oh, my God!

Peek's early warning.

He's got it all. Radar, sonar, thermo-imaging, odor-matrixing...

...to detect a non-residential cat from three blocks away.

-Peek, fall in. -Roger that.

-Sam, what's your 20? 1/18 of a klick east.

I'm going to backtrack using a delta approach in three...

...two...one.

Hey, guys.

Oh, no, not again.

Where am I?

-Over here, Sam. -Oh!

Request permission to pant heavily, sir.

Granted.

-Boys, I want you to meet Lou. -Hey, Louie.

Hey, Lou. Human!

He's taking Buddy's place in the hot seat.

Being fresh from the academy, he's current on the new techniques, right?

You know this one? I got you! Oh, I just missed you.

Holy Chihuahua.

-How did this happen? -He slipped through.

You promised me a pro! I get a puppy!

He's still got his you-know-whats!

There's no time. He stays. End of discussion. Out.

So tell me, one of you...

...is the dog out of the way?

Did the puppy fall for my clever trap?

None of you have a tale to tell?

A little story for me, perhaps?

You! Tell me, is the game afoot?

Yes?

-Why is the game afoot? -I mean, no.

Excellent. So the puppy is dead. Now we can move on to--

Wait, wait.

-Can I change my answer? -Is the puppy alive or not?

Another dog told him it was a bomb.

Another dog?

Anyway, I am sure we'll get into the basement lab just fine. Right, guys?

-Guys! -Oh, yeah, absolutely.