Zapped

Oh, hello. You all right?

Something wrong with the eyes?

What is it? What do you want?

Wine. In a box! It's mind-blowing.

Oi, magic man!

How can I help you, sir? Jar of wing wax?

I've got a bit of a problem, down in the old forest.

-Oh, hair removal products. -No!

-The forest outside Munty. -Oh!

Something's lurking out there,

attacked a woodcutter.

My fairies, they're getting twitchy.

Need something to give them a bit of zhoosh.

-"Zhoosh"? -Yeah, you know, zhoosh.

Oh, zhoosh.

-Yeah. -You mean some sort of bravery potion.

But that's fairy magic, sir. It's very tricky.

I don't think I can do it... I mean, I can definitely help. Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

Good. Now tell me a bit more about this hair remover.

Why won't it work?

-I reckon it's broken. -Thanks for that, Herman.

If I could just fix it, I could get home.

I just don't think that's going to happen.

Why don't you ask Howell?

Let's just say that I'm exploring other options.

-Like what? -Like asking anyone but Howell.

So, when do we get to meet your mum?

Hopefully never.

She'll be too busy telling me how extremely rubbish I look,

nagging me to join the Seers Guild,

and she'll be banging on about marriage number six.

Or is it seven?

Still, only for a few days, eh?

Just like marriage number three.

What's this? (EXHALES)

Moisturiser? Oh. Nice.

Ah, very smoothing.

Steg, that's expensive.

Yeah, well, I've got very dry skin, Barbara!

Says here, "Not suitable for dwarves..."

-I'm half dwarf. -"...or giants."

I'm half giant. And that is racist.

Oh, Krunt. Oh, I'm late!

-Right, wish me luck! -Yeah!

Thanks.

Ah!

Ah, my skin is so velvety...

Oh, actually... Actually that's starting to sting a bit.

Oh. Oh!

Yeah, actually, I think I'm going to take it off.

So, when are you going to see Howell?

Not until I've explored every single other...

Howell? I need your help.

Making fairies brave... I just don't have the recipes.

Sorry, Brian, I'm in the middle of something.

Well, I think you'll find this of interest.

Remember Gwendolen?

-Who? -Held us hostage in the pub.

Oh, yeah. How is she?

Still dead. Anyway, I went through her stuff and I found...

...this.

Oh, Brian! It's my amulet!

Well, my amulet.

You need to give it to me, I need to look after it, Brian.

It needs to be kept very, very carefully inside...

Lead-lined box? Yeah.

Anyway, it doesn't work. Look.

No!

See? It's broken.

-Oh -I was thinking, maybe you could fix it.

There must be something in one of these books.

There's nothing here, really, but...

Need something to give them a bit of zhoosh.

Oh, but there is one book, Brian.

In the Munty Library.

Munty's got a library?

I'm not allowed in because of a previous misunderstanding.

That's all right, I'll go.

Will you? I'll write the name down.

That's it.

Shelbourne's Fairypaedia?

And that'll show us how to reboot the amulet?

Yeah! Trust me.

Brilliant.

Howell? It's not in the box, mate.

Hello, Mum.

Hey, Mum. Hey.

Bar-Bar, darling!

Oh, let me have a look at you!

Far too much make-up.

That's why you're still single.

It's nice to see you, too, Mum.

Are you in the Seers Guild yet?

No! I don't even want to be. I've given up trying.

Yes, well, never say never.

Oh, that's a lot of luggage for two days.

Little announcement.

I might be staying a little longer.

Ronnie and I have split up.

Oh, that's a shame, it's just 24 and a half years

short of your silver anniversary.

Poor man was utterly hopeless.

He tried to buy me off with this.

It smacks of desperation.

-So? -Shall we get a cup of tea?

We can do something a little stronger. Come on!

Krunt!

Try using the plunger!

Look at me!

You've gone all green.

I look like a goblin.

'Cause of the green?

It's that moisturiser Barbara made me use.

Nik nak nikky-nak nik nak nok!

Herman, that is racist!

But that's how they talk!

Nik nak nikky-nak nik nak nok!

You can't say that any more.

You'd better see Howell.

I can't go out looking like this.

You got a hat?

Not that one.

Thank you.

Mind how you go.

Not now, Herman.

Hello. I'd like to join the library, please.

Of course. Name?

Brian Weaver.

"Brian Wee-aver".

Do you agree to the Terms and Conditions?

Yeah, sure, whatever. Is that it then?

Just a sample of hair for security.

Ow!

Membership accepted.

Great. Do you know where I could find Shelbourne's Fairypaedia?

On the bookshelves.

Thank... Thank you.

Oi, oi! Looks like we've got ourselves a goblin!

I'm not a goblin!

Not that there's anything wrong with them.

I'll tell you what's wrong, cabbage face,

you and your sort.

Oi, you, potatoes!

Get out of here!

-You all right? -My nose.

-That was close. -Anything to help out a fellow goblin.

Right. Yeah.

Bloody humans. I hate them, I hate them,

I hate them!

I'm Nik Nak, by the way.

I'm Steg... Nak.

-Look, I'd better be off. -No, no, no.

There's a lot of anti-goblin feeling around here.

You're coming with me.

-Am I? -You're coming with me!

So anyway, he turns round,

he puts the tray down, and what's on it?

Only her own pet silver pig!

Oh, that's hilarious! You are funny, Herman.

Good one, that, innit?

Right, come on, Mum. We should get going,

'cause I was thinking that we could go and look at the Munty Stick Museum.

Oh, you're busy, Bar-Bar. Herman will show me around.

Well, I haven't got anything on.

In that case, could you mind the pub?

-Well, I was planning to... -Well, that's settled then, Bar-Bar.

Herman, I'm all yours.

Hey! No free drinks for Howell.

Yeah, I'd like to take this out and...

Sorry. Can you please stop doing that?

It's making me really jumpy.

You are aware of the penalties for late return?

Sure. Actually, remind me?

Right, it's just... Okay, um...

-Does that say, "spices"? -"Spikes."

The book has to be returned by nightfall.

And when is that exactly?

Is it as it gets dark or when it is dark?

It's when night falls.

Ten o'clock.

10:00. Right, thank you.

Yeah.

-Nik. -Nak.

-Nok! Nook! -You were dead.

Hey, party people! This is Steg Nak.

-Hi. -Hello.

This is my wife, Nook Nak.

-Hello. -Her brother, Dik Nik.

-Dik Nik. -And his wife, Sik Nik.

Lovely to meet you all. All the Niks. And the Naks.

He was attacked by some bigots.

Oh!

I hate humans!

Yeah!

-So do I! -Yeah!

If I ever got a hold of those humans,