Robot Chicken

_

"Christmas Special: X-mas United"

Oh, honey, get the camera!

Our little boy got his man bush!

Keep the strays off the toilet seat, son.

My pubes are white!

I look like Roger Sterling down there.

Sweetie, uh, it's time you knew.

Does your new, snowy man meadow remind you of anything?

Ohh! Am I a wampa?!

- Your real father is Santa Claus! - My real father?

We were together for only one magical night,

but he left me a present ... you... and crabs.

And this. I told him my name was Portia.

Ha! A virgin named Portia.

Come on. Anyway, flip it over.

Ah, the Polar Express! Yay!

I miss those crabs.

Oh, there it is ... the Hogwarts Express ...

I mean the Polar Express!

- Tickets, please! - Tom Hanks.

Oh Jesus... you're so... lifelike.

The palette is meant to represent the source material.

Tickets, please.

Thanks for the monologuing. Gotta find a seat.

Bye.

Kill me.

I'm Del Griffith,

off to the North Pole to sell shower-curtain rings.

Only place on Earth without a Bed Bath & Beyond,

so I'll make a fortune.

Uh, their website delivers everywhere these days.

Have you ever been to Paris?

They don't shower, or as they call it, douche.

The revolution has begun.

Wow! Chris Evans, and he's got a baby!

Oh, I bet he's an awesome dad.

Oh, my god, he's eating the baby!

We've got to get to the engine and stop this train.

Take a bite of this baby, and let's go.

Uh..."a," I don't want to eat a baby.

- And, "b"... - Move, move, move, move! Now!

How you fixed for shower rings, kid?

Thank you.

Oh Christ, I can't die!

Now, I never douched my butt hole,

but I got to tell you, those frogs can't get enough of it.

Well, looks like we're hoofing it.

We can't walk to the North Pole.

Guys, I found the baby freezer. Who's up for Chinese... baby?

Let's just go.

Hot dang, I'm gonna make a big sale at the North Po...

Oh, no, a heart attack!

How... unexpected.

Ohh, too bad I don't have a lightsaber.

Ew. He's not made of candy at all.

That was surprisingly roomy and comfortable.

Oh, my gosh!

Yeah!

Whee!

- Uh, can I park that for you, sir? - Thanks.

I made it!

It's more beautiful than I ever imagined.

Ooh, neat! What's this switch do?

Can I try painting that?

It's cool. I'm Santa's son. Hey, bubble wrap!

I'm so filled with christmas joy!

Gee, that overbite makes you look just like a beaver.

And if there's one thing I hate, it's beaver.

I'll fix you right up. The name's Hermey.

I'm a wonderful dentist.

Yeah, I'm good. Thanks.

Ooh! Toys!

Cool! What does it transform into?

Nothing. It doesn't transform into anything.

It's just a train, handcrafted with love and ...

Hey, where's the Xbox assembly line?!

Elves can't make cutting-edge electronics, okay?

For those, you need a different kind of magical creature.

Chinese slave children.

We also make horns.

Uh, this is fun and all, but I still haven't met Santa Claus.

Wait. I hear entrance music.

It's... It's him!

Huh? An outsider? Here?

Sorry we had to burn all your clothes,

but germs don't affect elves the same way as humans.

Good thing we cleaned you up

before you had a chance to touch anything.

Uh, well, actually...

Oh, you little A.I.D.S. monkey!

Run!

Santa, let me guide your way!

Guide your way to hell! Hyah!

Ohh! Ohh!

Okay, I've got a plan.

I'm gonna need a paint can, a long string,