Seinfeld

- I wouldn't walk over there. - Why not?

Because it's the most dangerous part of the sidewalk.

A cab hops a curb:

You've had your last egg sandwich.

What about over there? You know, air conditioners fall out all the time.

I'd much rather get hit by an 80-pound air conditioner than a two-ton cab.

No, no, cab's coming up right here.

Set of plastic hips, prosthetic legs...

a monkey to answer the phone, I'm back in business.

I'd much rather take one in the head, like I did in '79.

You were living in the Village then, right?

I don't really remember.

Toxic-waste green.

That is disgusting.

You know, revulsion has now become a valid form of attraction.

Well, then, you're driving me wild.

I had them done for the big Peterman bash I'm throwing.

Why are you having a party?

Oh, I drive my people hard, and then I reward them.

- Like with dogs. - Yeah, exactly.

Party?

- Yeah. - Food?

- Bar? - Yeah.

George?

He's gonna show up anyway.

George, I just don't want you interfering.

How could I possibly interfere?

Isn't that what Jack Ruby said?

These are fantastic. Fantastic.

You know, I'd love to get a jump on the next batch.

Where do you come out of?

She's been ignoring this section all evening.

- Quesadilla? - No thanks.

- Hi, my name is George. - Anna.

I don't recall seeing you around the office.

Do you work in the mailroom?

Not quite. I... I'm a friend of Elaine Benes.

Oh, that's nice. Excuse me.

So....

How about leading us in a toast?

Oh, sure.

Hey, guys, I wanna make a toast.

Here's to those who wish us well...

and those who don't can go to hell.

All right. Who's dancing?

Come on, who's dancing?

You want...? You want me to get it started? I'll get it started. All right.

Come on, guys. What's the holdup?

Sweet, fancy Moses.

Hey. You get the tickets?

- Who needs two? - Oh, mamacita! Let me see them.

Special sneak preview of Death Blow.

Death Blow. When someone tries to blow you up...

not because of who you are...

but because of different reasons altogether.

Yeah? Come on up.

Hey, Jerry, you think you could get an extra ticket for my friend Brody?

Know what I had to go through to get these?

But he's a big fan of the genre.

You know, I'd consider it a personal favor to me.

Yeah, I guess I do owe you. Yeah.

Listen, you want me to stay here till George gets up?

- No, I'm okay. - There's no problem, really.

I'm fine.

- He's right in there, boy. - Yeah, okay.

Hey, how was the party?

The food was good.

Yeah, so, I didn't miss anything?

Well, actually, you did miss one little nugget of entertainment.

Have you ever seen Elaine dance?

Elaine danced?

It was more like a full-body dry heave set to music.

Did she do the little kicks and the thumbs?

- Wait, you mean you know about this? - For some time.

It was about five years ago.

I never knew what to say to her about it.

It was one of those problems I hoped would just go away.

Well, sometimes you can't help these people till they hit rock bottom.

And by then you've lost interest.

Take a ride with me later. I borrowed my father's car, '68 GTO.

What made him get that thing?

Well, during that period when my folks were separated, he went a little crazy.

Not a very long trip.

- Brody's in. - I don't even have the extra ticket yet.

Well, you better get on the horn.

I'm telling you, Jerry, I'm getting a vibe.

If I didn't know better, I'd say the staff completely lost respect for me.

How could that be?

Well, Jerry, I mean, it's like the feeling is palpable.

Could it have something to do with the party?

No, George was there. He said he had a great time.

It's George. I bet you this is somehow George-related.

- Oh, what are you talking about? - He's like a virus.

He attaches himself to a healthy host company...

and the next thing you know, the entire staff is infected.

Now you're talking crazy.

All right. Then, Jerry, if that's not what it is, you tell me. What is it?

There's my call waiting, I gotta get going. Bye-bye.

Have a minute to approve some copy?

Oh, yeah. Sure, sure.

So did you have a good time at the party last night?

It was a real kick.

Hey, did you happen to speak to my friend George?

As a matter of fact, I did.

Well, listen, you would be wise to keep your distance from him.

Why? He seems harmless.

Oh, he's not. He's very harmful.

- Really? - Oh, trust me.

He's a bad seed, he's a horrible seed.

He's one of the worst seeds I've ever seen.

And you two are friends?

Yeah, we're good friends.

So this Anna called me from out of the blue.

- Really? I thought you were rebuffed. - With extreme prejudice.

- Maybe Elaine put in a good word. - No, no. See, that's the thing.

Anna told me Elaine said I was one of the worst seeds she'd ever seen.

Interesting. She doesn't care for you.

Then a stern warning.

Suddenly a phone call.

Seems Elaine's made you the bad boy.

And Anna digs the bad boy.

I'm the bad boy.

I've never been the bad boy.

You've been the bad employee, the bad son, the bad friend.

Yes. Yes, yes.

The bad fiancé, bad dinner guest, bad credit risk.

Okay, the point is made.

The bad date, the bad sport, the bad citizen.

The bad tipper.

Half of show business is here.

Oh, there's Brody. Brody, over here.

- Hey, Kramer. - Yeah.

And you must be Jerry. Thanks for the ticket.

That's quite a feedbag you're working on there.

It's for all of us. Is there a problem?

Brody. Brody, come on, he's just kidding.

He's a joke maker. Tell him, Jerry.

I'm a joke maker.

All right, here we go.

Death Blow.

Hey.

What the hell is he doing?

Relax, he does that all the time.

Does what?

He's making a copy of the movie for sale on the street.

May I see you outside for a moment, please?

- No, I want to watch the movie. - Outside!

Come on.

- Hey, have you seen Anna? - Just left to meet your friend George.

To meet George?

I knew it. Where did they go?

- The park, why? - Don't you see?

George is in the bloodstream.

You stay away from him too.

What do you mean, bootlegging the movie?

It's a perfectly legitimate business.

- It's not legitimate. - It's a business.

- Where did you meet this guy? - Friend of a friend.

You know Corky Ramirez up on 94th Street?

One day he and l are playing pachinko...

Kramer.

Man, we're missing the deathblow!

I don't believe it.

You know, I'm not supposed to be talking to you.

No one's putting a gun to your head.

Do I scare you?

No.

A little.

Nice car.

Yeah.

She's a sweet ride.

Is that your orthopedic back pillow?

Maybe.

Well, is it, or isn't it?

I guess not.

- Stay away from her. - Hey, I didn't do nothing.

- Get in the car. - But...

You heard me, young lady. Get in the car.

And you! You should know better.

I don't want you infecting my staff.

Lighten up.

Go get them, Death Blow.

So, Death Blow, we meet again.

Are you okay?

I got a cramp.

Well, it's no wonder. You ate that entire bag of candy.

There it goes again.

Kramer, you gotta drive me home.

What is going on over here?

Jerry, finish shooting the movie for me.

Are you nuts? No way I'm holding that thing.

Jerry, the man is in pain.

If he didn't lick his fingers before reaching in the bag...

we would have eaten some. Serves him right.

What are you, some kind of tough guy?

Okay. Let's everybody just relax.

- Jerry, take the camera. - All right, I'm taking the camera.

All right, come on, let's go. Thanks, buddy.

Oh, man.

Hey.