Bang the Drum Slowly

Actually, you get over it fairly quick.

You might not think so, but it's true.

You're driving along

with a man who's been told he's dying

and yet everything keeps going on.

I mean, it'd been hard enough rooming with him

when he was well.

He chewed this disgusting tobacco

he pissed in the sink, and as a catcher

he was a million dollars worth of promise

worth two cents on delivery.

Most people didn't even know he was with the club

and, um, he was almost too dumb to play a joke on...

and now he'd been played the biggest joke of all.

Bill! Oh, Bill!

Hi, Mom.

Oh, Bruce, I'm so happy to see you.

I'm so glad you're home.

Hey, Bruce, Bruce, how are you, son?

Hi, Dad.

It's so good to see you.

- How you been? - Okay.

You're looking good.

Oh, I feel... feel fine.

Daddy, Mama, I want you to meet Henry.

You can call him Arthur.

Oh, I tell you, it's an honor

to have you here, Henry Wiggen.

I can't believe it.

I can't believe I'm here.

Wonders never cease, Papa.

- Howdy, Mr. Bruce. - Hi.

- You all better now? - Yeah.

We was worried.

Well, I was in good hands.

I bet it was cold up there.

Not too damn cold, Mama.

What was wrong?

Nothing.

Arthur, tell me why in hell

I swam up and down this mud a million times

and I never drownded

Why I never got killed in the war in Vietnam

or why I never got plastered by a truck

but I come clean through all that

and now I get this disease.

Arthur?

Don't ask me questions I can't answer.

Well, I been handed a shit deal, boy.

I'm doomed.

Shh...

Arthur, you know that game

you and Joe Jaros played, tegwar?

How you play it?

- Tegwar? - Mm-hmm.

You don't know how to play tegwar?

Spell it.

T-E-G-W-A-R.

Stands for "The EXciting Game Without Any Rules."

T-E-G-W-A-R.

No rules.

No rules at all?

I'm not too sure I'm understanding this game.

You might never.

Throw down in the middle, sir.

Why? Nobody else threw down in the middle.

It's your fish-fly card.

How can you tell?

It's the rules.

When the rules are wrong.

What rules?

I haven't been noticing

any rules.

They seem to keep changing.

Five and siX or 11, that's why.

Attaboy, Bruce.

Rules concerning what?

The rules of arithmetic.

I wouldn't play this game for money, I can tell you.

Don't be discouraged.

Don't be discouraged.

See, it was no double birdie.

Double birdie?

Whereas where it could've been a spread-eagle.

Probably you've been playing southeastern tegwar

all your life, but in the Majors

the boys all play Western Canadian style

which, for my money, is much faster.

That leaves you free

for a... butchered hog most any time, whereas...

Whereas, uh...

whereas...

Whereas what?

Well, whereas it, uh

keeps you from dropping dead on the board.

Hello, there, old lady!

Hi. Oh...

Hi. Hi, Bruce.

Hi. Hello.

Holly, believe me

seeing you here is a real pleasure.

Thank you.

My son's talked a whole lot about you.

Oh, wonders never cease.

How are you?

Oh, I'm fine; never better.

These are the medical papers, just in case

the doctors gave me in Minnesota.

God, it was cold up there.

What'd you think of your contract?

I didn't read it.

Hell, you didn't read it.

I was taught in school

where slavery went out when Lincoln was shot.

Henry, who knows about him?

Well, you know, I know, the Mayo Clinic knows...

maybe his father.

And Bruce knows.

The talk of the Echo Player Camp that spring was

a kid name of Piney Woods, a wild crazy catcher

out of a place called Good Hope, Georgia.

The sports writers all called him

"Dutch's Good Hope from Good Hope."

In the catching department, Dutch needed hope.

Come on, Piney, eh? Let's go.

Okay, stand close.

Put your arms around each other's shoulders.

I'd rather not.

I'm very high on him, very high.

He's got all the tools.

He hits them a mile. He runs like a deer.

His backside's one mile wide

by actual measurement where his power is.

Drinks milk by the tons.

Who will stay?

Aw, how do I know in February

who I'll love in April when the flowers bloom, huh?

No, no, flowers bloom in May.

It's April showers.

Smartest prospect in years.

Henry, how many catchers on a team?

Never that many.

Here's the premium from George, Arthur.

Gracias, George.

George says, "Sign your contract, Arthur."

Morning, Arthur, Holly.

- Hi. - Hey, Ugly.

Uh, I believe this, uh, brings my insurance up to date.

Keep it coming; it's your future.

Well, uh, I have to save some for the present, however

such as, uh, these little girls running around here

with their eye on handsome ball players.

How much you holding out for?

$127,500.

Well, even if I believed you, you'll never get it

but as a veteran of many a holdout

let me give you a piece of sound advice:

Don't hang in the park

because your eye gleams, your hand itches

and you wish you were playing ball.

It shines through, Arthur, and it'll cost you money.

It's the boss.

Don't be too comical; just answer it.

Let it ring awhile.

Fishing pier; tapeworms for sale.

Hey, Arthur, how about coming down

and playing a game of duo tegwar?

It's not the boss; it's Joe Jaros.

Arthur, come on down.

This place is swimming with fish.

All right, we'll be right down.

Who's "we"?

Well, me and Bruce.

Bruce Pearson?

Yeah, um... him and me played

quite a bit of tegwar over the winter.

He's a great player.

I'll stay here.

Forget it for today, Joe.

No, Henry, you go.

Bruce and I will stay here.

Yeah, yeah.

You okay?

Yeah, go.

I'll be right down, Joe.

Would you mind if I watch?

Quarter to 11:00.

No, I said, "Would you mind if I watch?"

Paging Mr. Donald Graham.

Mr. Donald Graham.

You're Henry Wiggen.

Paging Mr. Donald Graham.

Hey, would you mind if I sit in?

You know, I read your book, too.

I didn't read your book, Arthur

but I will, I will, I plan to.

So far, I've just been concerned with the parts that concern me.

Hey, who did you used to be?

I'm Joe Jaros.

I'm a coach.