What, Like It's Hard

- I kissed Elle. - I don't want to look at you.

I don't want to be around you, and you can tell Elle

I am done with her, too.

I don't want to lose Shannon as a friend.

Previously on Elle...

It's my mom.

They were there to arrest her.

Thousands of dollars in cash was reported stolen from school today.

They found it in her car.

You don't need to come to your own defense

if we do it for you.

It's everything we got from Anderson's office.

What if the receipts aren't real?

Principal Anderson

was stealing money because he was being blackmailed

for his secret.

But by whom?

Mayoral hopeful Dean Wilson,

you picked the wrong student body to mess with.

E-L-L-E. That's how we--

She's back?

Shannon?

Turns out, sweet, innocent Elle Woods

is nothing more than a backstabbing blond bitch.

I think everyone would like to hear more

from the great Elle Woods.

Uh, look, whatever you're about to read right now,

I wrote it a long time ago.

I never thought they'd actually print it.

I'm sorry, these logistics are fascinating,

but what is it she actually wrote?

Basically, we were a hardship she had to overcome.

We're not as privileged as she is.

We're so focused on justice

that we don't care that we dress like crap.

But don't worry, she makes sure everyone knows

it's not our fault that we don't have the access to the things that she does.

"What I've learned is to treat everyone with love and kindness,

even if they don't have a skin care routine."

It's not like anyone was rolling out

the welcome wagon for me when I got here.

I mean, you all prejudged me, too.

Was Donna mean to you, too?

Because, according to these, when you got Donna fired,

you didn't care about her job.

You cared about your own "comeback."

- Well-- - And all that shit

about clearing Donna's name?

You just cared about looking like a hero

in front of the school and all those cameras.

Well, now we know why your mom was filming everything.

It wasn't like that. I...

I just wanted to show I can make a positive impact somewhere.

I-I don't know. Elle's...

also been pretty loyal.

I mean, she's annoyingly dependable.

"Loyal"

is an interesting word.

Because this is a person who also kissed Miles...

...the night my mom died.

Are you for real?

I know this all sounds bad, but--

It sounds bad because it is bad.

Please believe me. I want to be here.

Seattle doesn't want you here.

I want you to choose something for both of us.

Why don't you just tell me what you want to watch

instead of trying to make me guess?

Here's a hint: it's not Road House.

Which we've watched, what, a hundred times?

- You love Road House. - No, you love Road House,

and I go along with it.

That's not the same thing.

I can't watch Patrick Swayze

rip someone's throat out one more time.

Oh, hey, honey. We were just having a little--

Do you even realize what you've done?

I... Okay. I hear your point, but we were both fighting.

This isn't about you and Dad. Who cares about Dad?

Hey.

Yeah, you're right. No.

Not-not the time to dissect that.

I'm gonna go.

I know you submitted my Cosmo application,

after I specifically told you I didn't want to apply.

It doesn't even matter that I won,

- because everything else is gone-- - What? You won?

Oh, my God, that's am...

...awful.

I was finally making progress here, and you threw it away.

I was just trying to give you some options.

Well, it seems like option A is everyone hates me

and option B is everyone really hates me.

And they should.

I really hurt their feelings.

But you were working so hard on that application.

I just didn't want you to regret making a rash decision by not applying.

So, you made a rash decision of your own.

Elle, you don't even like Seattle.

But I did.

I will fix this.

Just stay out of it this time.

I don't need your help.

Good morning, students.

Let's talk about the plumbing situation.

I'm not sure what you guys are putting in the urinals

in the boys' room, but...

Um...

No, I'm in the middle... I'm in the middle of morning--

Just two minutes.

But w-we've said it before,

- the pipes are old and I-- - I have cards, I have cards.

Okay.

Well, before we go, a-a couple of very limited words

from Elle Woods.

Just press the button when you're ready.

Thank you, Interim Principal Burke,

who I think we can all agree is the fearless leader we need

during these times.

Okay, keep... just keep talking.

To put it in a vernacular I think you'll all understand...

"What else should I be?

All apologies."

Kurt Cobain.

I know, due to recent events,

many of you believe that I think I'm...

you know, too good for this place,

but that couldn't be further from the truth.

I mean, I've actually learned so much from you all.

Like the other day,

I caught myself frowning and I didn't even try to correct it.

And I just did it again.

Which you can't see, but, uh... yeah.

I know I can't deny I wrote those horrible words in my essay...

...but I wrote them before I fell in love with Seattle.

And before I got to know all of you.

I am so, so sorry for hurting the people

I've come to appreciate so much.

Hello? Woods residence.

Mom, you were right.

Hey, Mom!

I'm up here.

Coming.

Welcome to Bruiser's new palace.

I know.

- Oh, my. - I know, I know.

He's always wanted a canopy.

I know.

And I'm just getting him resettled into his pied-à-terre.

- Aww. - How was school?

- It was great. - Aww.

I was still fluent in 99% of the gossip.

It was like I never left.

See, L.A. doesn't hold grudges like Seattle.

Even with your dad's whole nose situation,

I feel like people don't hold it against us.

Uh, what does Dad think?

I'm sure he would be happy for us.

You haven't talked to him?

Well, we are big believers in "absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Does he know that?

Oh, before I forget, I just RSVP'd for us

to that pre-Golden Globes party at Candy Spelling's Canyon house.

To think we almost missed such an important night

for a bunch of people who don't even like me.

You still haven't heard from anyone from Seattle?

They have had all of winter break

to respond to my calls.

I just need to move on and find people who like me for me.

Honestly, this internship couldn't have come at a better time.