Joy Ride 2: Dead Ahead

Will that be all for you?

There you go. Have a good night.

Where are you going? Come on. Party time, huh?

Hey!

Hey, wait up!

Looking for company?

It's pretty shitty out there, huh?

Hoo.

I like the rain. Keeps everybody inside...

and washes everything clean.

Yeah, sure. Whatever.

So, anyway, it's 75 for a straight fuck,

50 for a B.J., and 25 for a pump and run.

Show me what you got.

Where you haulin'?

Heading home.

- Lucky you. - The wig too.

So we gonna get started here or what?

Get it wet for me.

Are you kiddin'? Do it.

Now!

You know what? Screw this.

What the fuck!

You want out?

There's your exit.

You're a fucking freak.

Somebody help me!

Oh, my God, Kayla! Oh, my God, look out!

Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God. - Oh! Why? Why?

Are you kidding? Not funny. I don't wanna die.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry, baby. She made me.

Mel, I did not make you. That was totally your idea.

That's the quality time you guys want to spend together? To kill me in my sleep?

You should wait and see what we have in store for Vegas.

You know what I'm gonna do? What?

I'm gonna go into a dark corner, and I'm gonna gamble by myself...

while you guys go do the whole bachelor/bachelorette thing.

Don't be such a baby. We agreed to do the parties together...

so everyone would have an equal opportunity to torture us.

Hey, chill. Chill!

I don't want you staining the fine Corinthian leather.

What a waste of fine Corinthian.

You dare mock the '83 Chevy Caprice wagon?

Yes, I do. Question: Why did we not fly to Vegas?

Because Kay and I haven't seen each other since Christmas,

and I miss my little sister.

I miss you too, Sis.

Congratulations, Kay.

You've found a genuine ghost town.

Okay, is this place even open?

Fill her up, ma'am? Sure.

He's kind of cute. No?

No. No.

You know, ma'am, here at Inbred Jed's, we require that you pay in advance.

Really? Really.

- Uh... - Okay.

What the...

Uh...

- Psych. - Okay.

Hey, whoa. Hey, whoa!

Hey, hey, hey. What the hell is going on?

Nik, this is my sister, Mel, and her fiancé, Bobby.

You are way hotter in person.

Wait a minute. Is this the guy you've been talking to on MySpace?

33,628 friends and counting,

and Kayla is number one.

- You're my number one. - Okay. All right. What's happening? What's going on?

Nik's gonna be my date in Vegas.

- He took a bus all the way from Salt Lake City to meet me. - Okay.

C-Could you please join me in the bathroom?

Okay.

Are you kidding me? Look, I know Brad's gonna be there tomorrow.

And I haven't seen him since we broke up. I just wanted to show up with somebody.

But you barely know this guy.

I barely know you since you moved away to be with Bobby.

Which one's yours again?

I jest.

I don't understand anything you said. You have two things right here.

Nik and I have been talking on the phone every day for the past five months.

- Yeah, online. - Online, on the phone, over webcam.

He's not a serial killer. Trust me, I googled his name and everything.

Do you need the change?

Come on. Come on. There you go.

Check this out.

This road would be a lot faster. No traffic, no cops.

Free at last. No hassle from the man.

Look, I didn't tell you because I knew you'd try to talk me out of it.

Yeah, exactly. Why do I always have to be the voice of reason with you?

Come on, Sis.

Please? Pretty please?

I just want to have some fun.

Fine, but you have to promise to feed him, water him,

and clean up after him. I will, I promise.

Uh, I'm not really a back roads type of guy, buddy.

Uh, they built the highways for a reason. Stick to 'em.

Yeah, to slow shit down, man.

Think about it. The faster we get to Vegas, the faster we start cashing in,

the faster we start having fun. Come on, Bobby.

Come on. Let's go.

We're going to Vegas!

We've been driving over an hour and we haven't even seen the main highway yet.

That's because we're running exactly parallel to it, sweetheart.

It's simple physics. Relax.

We're fine as long as we keep heading west.

Oh, would you look at this. A dirt road.

Yeah, this has to mean civilization is close, right?

Or is this the main entrance to Vegas, Nik? 'Cause I don't know. I've never been.

Quit busting my balls, man. It was your map.

What the fuck is that smell?

- Oh, no. - Oh, shit!

Pull the car over. What's wrong with it?

- Anywhere, pull over. Pull it over. - I am.

Okay.

Geez, just stop the car. Stop the car.

Thank you. What are we gonna do?

What is it?

The engine seized.

Did you ever think... Did you ever think maybe you should put some oil in there?

I don't know about that stuff.

She had a good run. Isn't this Grammy's car?

Yeah. Well, I'll miss her.

Aw, that's sad. I feel like we should bury it or something.

Can you hear me? Can you hear me now?

Can you hear me now? No shit.

Which way do you think?

Well, we know nothing's down there for a hundred miles, so...

I say we keep going down this way.

Straight to Vegas, right, Nik? Right, Nik.

- Right, Bobby. - Asshole.

Okay, guys.

- We're in hell. - At least that means we're not completely lost.

You may want to surrender your Goth pride, Nik, and lose the black jacket.

I'm not Goth, jock. Third-wave emo punk, if you insist on using labels.

Well, it's first-wave jackass to wear black in the desert.

Tell that to the bedouins. I will.

Wait a minute. What's that?

Sweet.

What are we gonna do? Bust right in, or what?

Looks like our luck's changing.

See you're good for something, jock.

Holy shit!

This mail's over a month old.

Anyone home?

Hello! Hello!

Hello! Anyone home?

Hello.

Still got nothing.

Nik?

Nik!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

What is it?

What?

Oh, I'm sorry. These are a bitch to open sometimes.

You think they'd fix that. We just busted down a door and broke a window.

What do you want to do next? Set this place on fire?

Where are you going? This place is empty.

Whoever lived here before hasn't lived here for a long time. Bobby? Bobby?

- You scared the shit out of us. - I'm sorry, baby.

Oh, gross.

These expired, like, a year ago.

Scooby snack?

Like Scooby Doo?

I thought you said therapy helped your sister's control issues.

I told you that because I thought you'd never meet her.

I don't see what the big deal is. I think it's kind of sexy.

I'll show you sexy... later.

Later, later, later.

Later, later, later. Creepy.

All the phones are dead. Everything's dead here.

You know, this place has got to be one of those weekend retreat slash meth-lab combo deals,

or something, because this is pathetic.

We should get out of here before sunset. I think we should go.

Check this out.

Wow, talk about valley of death.

Nice piece of real estate.

You know what they say. Location, location, location.

Bobby, don't go any closer.

Don't worry. I'll protect you.

- Let's get out of here. - You wanna check out the barn?

Just what do you have in mind, mister?

Oh, simply a wholesome appreciation of early Western rustic architecture.

This place keeps getting more and more charming.

Come on!

- You're suck a jerk! - Asshole.

You scared me.

I'm down with the freaky, but...

this is just pushing it.

What is that?

Wow. Our motherfucking salvation!

A 1971 Chevy Chevelle hardtop.

- It's an American classic. - Dibs!

Oh, no way!

Breaker, breaker, this is Captain Winky looking for Pink Taco.

You out there, P.T.? Nobody uses C.B.'s anymore.

Truckers do.

God is quite literally handing us this fine automobile. Who are we to deny him?

You are not thinking about taking this car? What if the owners come back?

We don't really know how long these people are gonna be gone. They could be on vacation.