The Office

Are you swallowing them whole?

You're eating them so fast,

Are they even touching your tongue?

Yes.

Brownies, is it? Humph.

Pastry cubes made of sugar and fat?

No, thank you. I'll stick with my jerky.

So why'd you come in here?

To socialize. And inform.

Ooh, brownies!

I'm taking two

So I can parcel them up

And eat them... at my leisure later on.

Much healthier.

You taking two?

Yeah, um...but one of them is for Toby.

Yeah. Why don't you send that to him in Costa Rica?

Um...I'm just gonna hand it to him right now.

Okay, weirdo.

Why's that? Why's that weird?

She said she was gonna give it to him right now.

She's probably going to

Because they sit next to each other.

Yeah, they used to.

Toby works here again.

Oh, can you imagine?

Oh, no! You don't know.

I don't know. What?

You should probably just meander back there,

Take a look,see if he's-- See if he's back.

Dare I?

You know what? I'm going to.

For old time's sake.

Great practical joke,Jim.

Got me to go to the annex.

- Hi,Mi-- - No! God!

No,God, please no!

No! No!

Nooo!

The Office s05e08 "Frame Toby"

Look at him.

With his stupid face.

Stupid...tan.

- He looks great.Well-Rested. - No

He looks worse.

Michael, is everyone okay?

Ohh. Well,I'm afraid not.

Toby Flenderson of H.R. has made a sudden reappearance.

I don'understand. Is anyone hurt?

Not on the surface, no.

But I can tell...

People are disturbed, David.

Michael, you texted me 911-- Call me.

- Yes. - All in caps.

Do you know what 911 means?

I learned a while back that if I don't text 911,

People will not return my calls.

Um...but now people always return my calls,

Because they think that something horrible has happened.

Now, what I'm curious about

Is how you were able to go an entire week

Without knowing a member of your staff was there

I did not want to go back to the annex

Because that is where Holly worked, whom I loved.

Also it's icky back there.

That's true. People say it's icky.

Okay.

I have to go.

- David, wait. - No.

Is there no way we can get rid of him?

Not without cause, Michael.

I have cause.

It is because I hate him.

You have to get along with Toby.

- No. - Yep.

I don't.

Good-Bye,Michael.

Don't do that.

Oh, come on!

Do you see this?

Disgusting.

So,Tunes, you still gonna buy your old man's place?

Yeah. I am. Wait.

How do you know that? I didn't tell you that.

Uh...no,I was just walking by your desk.

I saw some emails.

I got peepers of an eagle.

That's really not cool.

So Jim, you're gonna live in the same house

That you used to pee the bed in?

Yeah. I guess technically, Kev, you're right.

Today's a big day.

Today's the day that I show Pam the house that I bought for us.

Without telling her.

But it's my parents' house, the house I grew up in.

And, yeah,I bought it kind of impulsively.

I mean, the price was good,

And I was helping out my Mom.

It's got shag carpets.

I mean, you can't blame my parents-- It was the '70s.

And why would you wanna buy ugly wood from trees

When you can have paneling and a painting of some creepy clowns

That is apparently crucial to the structural integrity of the building?

She's gonna love it.

Right?

Would you guys all do me a favor

And just not talk about this until I tell Pam?

- That'd be great. - Whoa!

You haven't told the missus about the castle?

You're in for a spanking, my friend.

Myself and my lady-- No secrets.

Jim, don't listen to Andy.

I think it's romantic.

Oh, thanks,Phyllis.

Where's your place?

Oh, it's on Linden Ave., by the Quarry.

Oh...

Cool beans, man.

I live by the Quarry.

We should hang out by the Quarry and throw things down there.

Definitely, we should.

"To whoever made the microwave mess"

"The microwave is a shared kitchen appliance.

"By not cleaning it up,

"You are basically telling whoever follows

"That their time is less valuable,

"As they will have to scrub out your disgusting splatter.

Sincerely, disappointed."

That is just obnoxious.

- No kidding. - Yeah.

Wait, what? The mess or the note?

The note. So holier than thou.

I liked it.

Don't you think the person who left the mess is the obnoxious one?

No...

The note is way more obnoxious than the mess.

"Sincerely, disappointed."

Get off your high horse, richy.

Just because someone likes things clean doesn't mean they're rich.

Nah. They're rich.

You wanna see some real high-Caliber acting?

Well,Mr. Kurt Russell, you are about to be served.

Hey,Toby.

Great to have you back, man.

Seriously. Just, uh...

Just a real pleasure to see you again.

Yeah, thanks,Michael.

You're welcome. Missed you.

Missed you as part of our family.

Well, that's-- That's-- Sweet.

I missed you guys too.

So Costa Ric that was...

Did you have fun? That must have been fun.

Well, um, it was amazing.

Really was. Thanks for asking.

- Um..beaches were pristine. - Nice peaches?

- Pristine beaches? - Yeah, uh...

The whole thing was incredibly cathartic.

Why'd you come back? Why didn't you stay?

Well, it's actually kind of hard to meet people out there.

I bet. For you.

And, uh. Yeah. Plus, it was hot.

- Hot. - Why didn't you get an air conditioner?

Should have gotten an air conditioner for yourself.

Are you all right, Michael?

Yeah,I am. I am.

I tried. I tried.

I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend,

But that is like trying to be friends with an evil...snail.

I feel like I'm dyin' inside.

I feel like neve campbell inscream II.

She thinks she can go off to college and be happy,

And then... the murder comes back

And starts killing off all of her friends.

Learned a lotta lessons from that movie.

This is just one of 'em.

Okay, just summarize.

Okay,Fire-Able offenses include workplace violence

And sexual harassment.

That's it. That's it, perfect.

We will get him to hit on somebody,

And then we'll catch him in the act.

I love catching people in the act.

That's why I always whip open doors.

Me too.

Okay, let's get this started.

Okay.

What are you doing?

I am the bait.

For what?

Men find me desirable.

No, no, no.

Oh, it's a good day too.

I'm wearing my mustard shirt.

You're the bait for Toby?

- Mm-Hmm. - No.

For one thing, he's not gay.

And if somebody were to be bait,

It would be Jim or Ryan,

Or me.