Student Bodies

Hummers residence.

Hi, Julie.

Oh, hi, Toby.

Listen, I forgot to give you the answers

to that history question on the civil war.

Now, just remember, the north won.

Oh, heavy. Hey, are you sure you don't want to come over?

Maybe Charlie could bring a friend or two.

No.

And you better be careful.

Sometimes when a person acts wild and crazy,

well, wild and crazy things happen to them.

They do?

Yeah, believe me.

Anything could happen in this creepy place,

but I have a feeling it's the last time I baby-sit.

Listen, I gotta go.

Ok, bye, Toby.

Hello.

Hello.

I said...

Ohh!

Aah!

Surprise.

Charlie!

Cut the chit-chat.

Let's just do it.

Ooh, what's that chickeny taste?

It's chicken.

Did you just call a minute ago and hang up?

Who, me?

Not here.

Not now.

Where?

When?

Upstairs, 10 seconds.

Nice.

Charlie, you clean?

What kind of a question is that?

Of course I'm clean.

Besides, you can't wash away herpes.

Take a shower!

Orders get me hot.

I'll be waiting for you.

Charlie, is that you thumping?

All these stairs.

I hope I don't die first.

Sugarless.

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to Sahara Tahoe.

It's show time.

Hey, Julie.

Hey, your feet are cold.

Here, turn over.

Julie.

Julie, you're not responding

to my maleness.

Julie, are you asleep?

Holy shit!

No!

What a waste of money.

$10 for a movie, $5.00 for popcorn.

Don't forget $15 for parking

and a baby-sitter.

If I see one more horror film, I'll throw up.

What makes them think the American public

wants to watch such stupid trash?

You're right, dear. Now hurry up

or we'll miss the Dukes of Hazzard.

Look, she left the door open.

Julie, we're home.

Where is that girl?

I hope she wasn't murdered in our bed.

Aaaah!

Aaaah!

Aaaah!

Honey, what's wrong?

Look at the sink!

Your finger? You hurt your finger?

She didn't wash the dishes!

75 cents an hour.

She didn't wash one dish.

Where is that girl?

Maybe she's watching TV.

At 75 cents an hour?

We'll see about that.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Chicken.

Hmm.

Broken.

Aaaah!

She left the TV on!

Oh, where is that girl?

I'll find her. I'll find her.

The TV is left on, the dishes undone,

and look at this mess. She's ruined the stairs.

What's going on in my home at 75 cents an hour?

Honey, calm down, calm down.

You know how high-strung you are.

The doctor said one more heart attack

and it's all over for you.

Are you murmuring?

Fluttering?

Do you want your pills?

Don't worry about the stairs.

I'll clean them.

You know how I like cleaning gum off of things.

The important thing is that you calm down and relax.

Well, I'll be darned.

Aah!

Today is a sad day for me,

perhaps the saddest in my tenure

as principal of our school,

dear old Lamab High.

For me, to look down on the corpses

of 2 former students is very painful,

and I'll bet it's no picnic for the parents either,

but we must go on,

for although today is a sad day,

it is also a big day...

The day of the big parade. The big game...

I told her to be careful.

Shh.

I told her not to have

Charlie come over.

Why wouldn't she listen?

The big queen crowning,

the big yearbook signing party,

the big panty raid,

the big tree trimming.

Stop. How can you think of sex now?

I can never stop thinking about it.

Funerals get me hot.

Now this, the big funeral.

Now, we could moan about the fact

that we have to have

the extracurricular activities in one day

due to state budget cuts,

but that wouldn't be in the spirit of Lamab High,

would it?

Let's hear it for life.

Ok, give me a boo!

Give me a hoo!

Give me a boo hoo hoo!

Beat death!

Yay!

Thank you, members of the pep team.

Sex kills.

Sex kills.

Back, Malvert, back!

Do you want people to be suspicious of you?

Look at those two sneaking off.

Maybe they have to go to the bathroom or something.

We can't do it now.

My mother found my diaphragm.

What?

I'll get some protection.

I'll get foam and rubbers.

Don't start without me.

Yoo-hoo. Anybody home?

Joe, what's that?

I'm gonna give you horse head.

You're not Joe!

Aah!

Oh, you started without me.

Bertha?

Bertha?

Oh!

Oh, Mrs. Smith, I'm Mrs. Hummers.

Julie was baby-sitting at my house when she got it.

Now I wanted you to have the money I owed her.

It's all there. 5 hours at 65 cents an hour.

Oh, and I also included Julie's car fare...

One way, of course.

So, I mean, it's not your fault, you know?

I've been trying to tell you that all this time.

Don't worry. Oh, look. There's Joe.

Joe!

This is not very funny!

Joe, this is not my idea of a joke,

and... and you're acting in very bad taste!

Aah!

Oh, Hardy, have you been

fooling around with my bicycle seat again?

No.

What did you hit now?

Damn dog again.

Where are you?! Where are you?!

What do you think you're doin'?

Hey, man, that's my parking space.

Can't you see I'm blind?

Hey, I'm more handicapped than you.

I can't even make love to a woman!

I can never find one! Now move it.

Hey, that's our parking spot.

Great physical beauty can be a handicap, too.

Who could have done these murders?

I don't know. It could have been anybody.

Well, it can't be anybody.