Kung Fu Hustle (Kong fu / 功夫) (功夫)

Inspector Chan

Super Crime Fighters

Anyone else?

Such a beautiful woman...

and you arrest her...

just for spitting?

Is there no justice?

Is there no law?

Commissioner is only your boss...

because he paid his dues to the Crocodile Gang.

And you don't fucking know me?

Sorry, I didn't know she was your wife.

Ugly coward!

What are you looking at? Never seen such a handsome gang boss?

Who'd be in the film business?

It's Sunday, and the theater's deserted.

Where's the car?

Let's go back inside!

Call for help!

No need for that, Northerner.

While you were messing with the cop, your men signed up with us.

I'll kill all you Axe Gangsters!

Stop! You forget the time I treated you to dinner.

Brother Sum.

Please...

Please spare me.

Don't worry.

I don't kill women. You can go!

Thank you, Big Brother.

Cops! Come clean up the mess!

The Axe Gang

In a time of social unrest and disorder...

In a time of social unrest and disorder...

the gangs have moved in to consolidate their power.

The most feared of them all is the Axe Gang.

Only in the poorest districts, which hold no interest for the gangs...

can people live in peace.

Pig Sty Alle Y

One, two, three!

- That okay, Coolie? - No problem!

Tailor

Noodles & Congee

My check, please, Donut.

- How much? - It's on the house!

Donut.

- It's nothing. - I like you.

I'll ask the wife about lowering your rent.

Morning, Landlord!

Landlord!

Jill! How you've grown!

Come let me examine you!

Good to see you, Landlord!

What's so good about it?

Don't...

Can you make the skirt slit higher?

Sure!

Look, a comet!

Jane! You naughty girl!

Landlord! You're such a scoundrel!

Don't go, Jane! Stay and chat!

I'm only kidding. Jane!

Landlady!

Landlady!

What happened to the water?

Water ain't free!

You talk a lot for someone who won't pay his rent.

But I'm in the middle of a shampoo.

You think that's a problem?

From now on, no water on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

Water ration Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.

I just love hearing you fools complain. Assholes!

Good morning, Landlady!

Just pay your rent, or I'll burn your shop down.

What's so funny? Rent's no laughing matter, fairy!

Serves you right you're a coolie!

Months overdue and not even a "good morning."

You'll be a coolie for life.

There you go, handsome!

What took you so long with the congee?

I stopped to help an old lady cross the street.

- What are you doing here? - Checking for Peeping Toms.

Was someone just spying on you, Auntie Six?

Don't shoot your mouth off without proof.

She's crazy.

Go away!

Please can you teach us, sir?

No more soccer!

- Who wants the cut? - My boss.

Take a seat.

Done! Fifty cents, please.

Isn't it great?

It's too good!

Why'd you make him look so good?

Why?

Don't get mad, boss. He's my old buddy. I'll handle this.

He's boss of the Axe Gang. Don't you see the two axes? We're bad guys.

Making him look good is really bad. Understand?

- I didn't know. - You're a numskull!

But I like you, so just pay me, and I'll take care of it.

No way!

Steady with the axe, boss. Let me talk to him.

I really care for you. You saw it for yourself. Seriously.

Why don't you pay up. Not much. Enough for a drink.

Oh, so it's blackmail!

Boss!

Boss!

Now you're dead!

Looks like he's waking up!

I'm not afraid.

You can kill me.

But there'll be thousands more of me!

You want to play tough? The Axe Gang boss is napping in there.

Whoever wants to die, step forward.

So you want to fight?

Great! We'll go one-on-one.

Don't even think about cheating.

That old woman with the onion!

You look real tough. Want to try me? I'll let you hit me first.

What do you do?

I'm a farmer.

Farmers don't fight. Piss off!

He's crazy!

Calling me names?

You're lucky you're a woman.

Hey, shorty! Yeah, you! If you're short, you don't retort.

What did I say about cheating?

Sit back down!

You! The geezer with the glasses. You look mean.

No, not you. I mean...

You!

Hey, kid, let's rumble!

All right, all right!

So no one-on-ones today.

You're all such wimps!

He blackmailed me.

Fat woman, you're in charge here, right?

Fat woman, my ass!

I'm with the Axe Gang!

Axe Gang, my ass!

Boss!

Boss, my ass!

- You have to pay our medical bills! - Bills, my ass!

- We're on the same side! - Same side, my ass!

Think you're so tough? I'll call for backup!

You nitwit! Let's see you call backup!

You don't know the backup I have. I'm talking an army here.

Don't you go away! Go put a down payment on your coffin!

Who threw the firecracker?

I'm one of you, brother.

Mind your own business!

It's raining. Go bring in your laundry!

Fat woman!

You blackmailing me too? I ain't afraid.

I...

Did anyone see what happened?

Don't! My back's broken!

Call for help!

Hold on, calm down. You hungry?

Keep quiet.

No!

Who did this?

I'll count to three.

One...

two...

I did it!

Are the goods okay, Brother Sum?

Sorry!

Look away, kid.

Get rid of him!

We're the bad guys!

We're meant to do the ass-kicking!

Not the other way around.

And it's all because these morons posed as Axes.

Don't waste your time, Brother Sum.

We'll handle this.

You! Take care of it.

- Boy, can this guy pick locks. - It's a living. Give me a break.

Pick that one too, if you're so good.

Come.

I'll count to three.

Hurry!

Ready? Three!

That's quick!

Brother Sum, we really want to be Axes.

That's why we did what we did. Give us a chance.

Ever killed anyone?

I've always thought about it.

Then go kill someone.

I will!

Go on!

Thank you, Brother Sum.

We can always find a use for that type.

I told you before, you've got to look tough.

Tougher!

Tougher!

Act the part.

And try to stay awake.

It's tiring being tough.

Tiring? It's our living!

The streets out there are filled with money and women.