Parks and Recreation

Okay, here's the situation.

Your parents went away on a week's vacation.

They left the keys to the brand new Porsche.

Would they mind? Well, of course not.

I'll just take it for a little spin

And maybe show it off to a couple of friends

I'll just cruise around the neighborhood. Well, maybe I shouldn't

Yeah! Of course I should Pay attention, here's the thick of the plot

Pulled up to the corner at the end of my block

That's when I saw this beautiful girly-girl walking

I picked up my car phone to perpetrate like I was talking

Sunroof was open, the music was high

And that girl's hand was steadily moving up my thigh

She had opened up three buttons on her shirt so far

I guess that's why I didn't notice that police car

I can't believe it! I made a mistake

But parents are the same No matter time nor place

So to all you kids all across the land

No need to argue Parents just don't understand

- Yeah! - All right!

Thank you. Thank you.

Just a little something I know. So, what's up?

Someone is on fire in Ramsett Park.

They need you to get down there right away.

Oh, my God.

I've been spending the summer doing a lot of zoo promotions.

For he's a jolly good fellow...

Parrots live a very long time.

So we had a birthday party for a parrot that turned 60.

Which nobody can deny

Chimpanzees are very smart, so we had them graduate from college.

And they like to fling their feces, so we were

hoping that they would fling their hats.

But they just flung their feces.

The Pawnee Zoo recently purchased

two South African black-footed penguins, Tux and Flipper.

And as part of our zoo promotion,

we are going to give them a marriage ceremony,

because they mate for life.

Tux, do you take Flipper, to be your lawfully wedded wife?

I do! I do!

By the power vested in me from

the Department of Parks and Recreation,

I now pronounce you husband and wife!

Oh!

Okay, well, at least they're married.

Are they making babies?

Well, not those two. Those are both boy penguins.

I'm sorry?

Tux and Flipper are both boys.

So you should have pronounced them

husband and husband, technically.

That's awesome.

Still, you couldn't have asked for better weather.

Brendanawicz, you big sandwich eater.

Oh...

Cut it out, now.

Just to be clear, that was a friend punch.

There was no flirtatious meaning behind

that playful punch I just gave your arm.

Yes, I do understand. You've made it abundantly clear

that there's no romantic element

to our relationship in any way.

Yes. Good. Isn't it good to be able to just

kind of horse around like this as friends?

- It is. Yeah. - Yeah.

I really hit rock bottom that night.

And I mean that I literally fell

to the bottom of a pit and hit a rock.

I remember laying there thinking,

"There's probably a good reason why I'm down here and single."

And then I started thinking, "I need morphine."

Oh, yeah, I hear you made two male penguins very happy today.

You're making history, Knope. I like that.

Sticking your neck out, you know.

No, I didn't stick my neck out. It was an accident.

Out of the mainstream. I think that's cool.

I'm in the mainstream.

- Yeah, I know. - No, no. Not out of it.

- Social activism. - No! Uh-uh.

People in this town don't really like

their government employees being activists.

Last year, a garbage man was suspended

for wearing a Live Strong bracelet.

Hey, Leslie, some guy who owns a gay bar sent you a cake.

Pawnee has a gay bar?

Yeah. The Bulge.

It's behind my house.

The Bulge is a gay bar?

Uh, the nights I've wasted there.

"Leslie! Hey, girrrrrrrrl!"

With eight R's.

"Thank you for supporting the cause of gay marriage.

"You rock! The boys at The Bulge."

They thought that was a political gesture?

Okay, nobody eat that cake. Tom? Step into my office.

- That's also my office. - Yeah, whatever.

- I know that you are not gay. - No, I'm not.

- But you're effeminate. - What?

Well, you're wearing a peach shirt with a coiled snake on it.

Yes, 'cause it was featured in Details magazine. And it's awesome.

Effeminate. Anyway, so the point is,

do you think that marrying penguins made some kind of statement?

Yes. The statement was that you're very lonely and you need a pet.

Huh.

Leslie? They sent you T-shirts, too.

Oh! Wow, look, they sent us a T-shirt.

Hmm...

Mine has a collar on it.

There she is. Leslie!

- Hey! - Hey.

This is my boyfriend, Derek, and this is Derek's boyfriend, Ben.

- Hi. - Hey.

Oh! Wait, sorry, what's the situation?

What do you mean?

How does this work?

Derek is gay, but he's straight for me,

but he's gay for Ben, and Ben's really gay for Derek.

And I hate Ben.

It's not that complicated. No.

Oh. Yeah. Sure.

The thing about youth culture is, I don't understand it.

So what can I do for you guys?

They just really wanted to meet you,

because you're kind of like their hero now.

Oh, oh, April, please, it was just penguins. APRIL: No!

I'm a public servant, and I'm not allowed to take a political stance.

But you did, and it was awesome.

Yeah. None of the other politicians ever take a stand,

and it means a lot to the whole gay community.

It does, and we're gonna have this party tomorrow night at The Bulge,

and we had something to ask you.

We really want you to be the guest of honor.

Oh, my.

It'd be amazing if you came.

Yeah, you have to come.

Who made this?

- We did. - Yeah, we did.

- How? - Photoshop.

- What? Oh! - Computers.

Hey, why are you all dolled up?

It's a long story. I'm the guest of honor at this gay bar tonight.

I guess gay men are starting to like me.

I don't know. I guess they think I'm fabulous or something.

Well, you look good, girl. You're gonna turn somebody tonight.

That was hands-down the best interaction I've ever had with Donna.

Leslie, this is Marcia Langman from

the Society For Family Stability Foundation.

Oh, hello. I love your top.

Oh, thank you so much.

I was just hoping you had a moment

to discuss the events at the zoo yesterday.

Well, I have nothing to do with this, so...

Well, what can I do for you and those fine people at the SFSF?

Well, you could resign, if you're up for it.

Oh, you're serious?

When you performed a marriage for gay penguins,

using taxpayer money on government property,

you were symbolically taking a stand

in favor of the gay marriage agenda.

Oh, I'm sorry, but hold on a second there, Marcia.

That was not my intention, at all.

Well, why else would you marry penguins?

Because I firmly believed that it would be cute. And it was.

Leslie, are you married?

No. Not yet, Marcia.

Soon, probably. I have a plan, but, no, not now.

Not dating anyone yet.

Focusing on my career.

I thought so.

So you couldn't possibly understand, but when gays marry,

it ruins marriage for the rest of us.

So, either you annul the wedding,

or I'll publicly ask for your resignation.

You know what? I'm so terrible with directions.

If I'm headed to the parking lot,

do I make a left out of here, or do I go right?

It's a left, yeah. Thank you.

You're welcome. Annul the wedding!

- Hey. - Hi!

I'm supposed to meet Leslie for lunch, but she actually works, so...

Ouch!

Mark was brought to my hospital the night of the accident.

He was here for a week.

I think when his head hit the ground,

it must've knocked something loose,

because he's actually a pretty nice guy now.

And Andy, after we broke up, he told me

he was going to Kansas to climb mountains.

So, I don't really know where he is.

Hey, have you seen that documentary about food yet?

No, I haven't. But I heard it's really good. I want to see it.

We should go together.

What? Yeah, no. I don't think so. That would be like a date.

Okay. Say no more.

Mmm.

I hate salad.

Leslie, I don't want to ever keep secrets from you.

Oh, me, neither. Look, let's invent our own

secret language that only we understand.