Suits

I have a list here

of the signing bonuses of the top three associates who have come into this firm.

An advance, plus my salary, will cover my tuition.

Those numbers don't add up.

Summer associates work as lawyers,

and I can do the same.

It's an offer letter.

We're investment bankers.

Our job blows yours out of the water.

Harvey, Stephanie Liston just called me.

She said they just brought Mike in for questioning.

You're a dirty lawyer, and now you're on my radar.

I'm tired of putting the people I care about in jeopardy.

I called Jonathan Sidwell this afternoon.

I took the job.

Mike Ross never went to law school.

I knew it, and I hired him anyway.

I still can't stay, Harvey.

I'm sorry.

Give me permission to go.

You going to work or school?

Both.

You think have time for some of this?

Maybe if you loan me your limo.

Hmm.

I'm sure we can work something out. Mmm-hmm.

I thought you were getting dressed. I did get dressed.

And then you got undressed.

I got a little hot.

Yes. You did.

Come to think of it, it is getting a little warm in here.

Mr. Gillis.

Mike Ross. Nice to meet you.

You should know I'm only doing this as a courtesy to Jonathan Sidwell,

but I'll tell you right now, the answer is no.

Good. Why good?

Because a yes is always so much better when it starts as a no.

You're a confident young man,

but I know what my distribution centers are worth.

You know what they're worth to you.

This is what they're worth to me.

This is bigger than I expected.

I've heard that before. Okay, fun time's over.

I'm not interested in selling to someone who I don't know where they're coming from.

Let me tell you where I'm coming from.

I do my homework.

These centers are a beacon to every predator out there

that you haven't laid the groundwork to get out of the DVD business.

Sounds to me like where you're coming from is trying to scare me.

No. No, I'm not trying to scare you. I'm trying to help you.

They're circling and you know it.

You don't do this, you might as well send out an invitation asking for a hostile takeover.

This number can't be real. It is.

Then, what the hell are you going to do with my distribution centers?

I'll be happy to tell you that five seconds after I buy them.

Walter, I know you want your people to be okay,

and I give you my word they will be.

But these centers...

Have become a headache.

And you need cash for when those predators come knocking.

Let them knock. I'm not answering the door.

No, you're not hearing me.

If you don't raise enough money,

they're coming in whether you answer that door or not.

That offer's good for another hour.

You are not my hair-gelled partner in crime.

I haven't used hair gel since ninth grade.

I was trying to avoid the frizzy look.

Where is he?

Uh, Donna said that he had a morning meeting outside of the office.

And where's Donna? Right here.

I prefer to appear at the exact moment I'm needed.

I wish I could say the same for Harvey.

Oh. Well, Harvey has a very... Save it.

She may have been born yesterday,

but I know that morning meeting doesn't mean morning meeting.

Everyone knows that. It's just not my place to say it.

Not mine, either. He did it yesterday, too.

When he resurfaces, tell Specter Pearson wants to see him.

I used mousse in high school. It was the '90s.

Was it? I heard that.

Did you bring me lunch?

Chen Dynasty.

How many egg rolls are in here? Two.

You closed Gillis. Oh, I killed Gillis.

Well, I hope you told them no mushrooms in the lo mein.

You never told me that. I didn't think I had to.

Aren't you supposed to be the one taking care of me? Ugh.

How am I supposed to do that when there are mushrooms in my lo mein?

Why do I keep you around again?

Deal memo on Friedman Technologies, engagement letter signed by Stillman,

and oh, two front row tickets to Daft Punk for you and Rachel tonight.

But why do I keep you around?

Mike, Sidwell's in there waiting for you.

Be careful, okay? He's not in a good mood.

It's okay. You know why?

Because I killed it with Gillis.

Hey, Amy. Yeah?

Eat the mushrooms. They're good for you. Screw you.

Morning. Where have you been?

Oh, you know, just getting Walter Gillis to sell us all of his distribution centers.

Oh.

What the hell are you doing? What does it look like I'm doing?

I'm sending a message.

We're not a convent. We're in business to make money.

And this deal does that.

You did this deal to retain those people's jobs.

And to make us 30 percent. We're a hedge fund.

If we don't make 50 percent, we might as well buy time shares and hope for the best.

That's bullshit. This deal is solid.

No, what's bullshit is you've been here for three months.

All you've done is hit singles and I need a goddamn home run.

Jonathan. I don't want to hear it.

I want you to get your head out of your ass.

Stop trying to save people's jobs, and start making us some real money.

Or go back to being a lawyer.

See the money, wanna stay for your meal.

Get another piece of pie for your wife.

Everybody wanna know how it feel.

Everybody wanna see what it's like

I'll even eat a bean pie I don't mind.

Me and missy is so early.

Busy, busy making money.

All right.

All step back I'm 'bout to dance.

The greenback boogie.

I heard you wanted to see me?

That was three hours ago.

If you knew what I was doing three hours ago,

I don't think you would have wanted to see me.

I know what you were doing three hours ago.

Well, then, you should have come on over.

Maybe you should try having

some morning meetings yourself.

Don't you worry about my mornings.

What you need to worry about is Logan Sanders.

The opposite. Boy got his shit together.

Max is retiring, and Logan's taking over.

Let me guess, he wants a meeting.

He's got one.

With you. Tomorrow morning, 10 a.m. Great.

Push it a week. Harvey, this kid considers himself a young lion.

He's going to want to make his mark.

And the easiest way for him to do that is to change lawyers.

Maybe. But the last thing a lion wants

is to have his dinner handed to him on a silver platter.

You're gonna give him a hunt.

Did you think of that all on your own?

I'm extra sharp. I haven't worked a minute all morning.

See, that's funny because I was late from all the sex.

Get the hell out of my office.

Bow-chick a-bow-bow.

Look what the cat dragged in.

And you're wearing a vest. Here it comes.

Here what comes? Mazel tov.

Congratulations on your special day.

That's a good one. Harvey, leave him alone.

He looks better than you do. Thank you, Donna.

You're welcome.

Oh, and Mr. Peanut called,

and he said he'd be happy to lend you his top hat.

Are you two finished?

I could go all day.

I think the vest had enough.

Yeah.

So, you come all the way down here just to let me know

that you were right about Walter Gillis?

I came all the way over here to tell you I am done playing in the kiddie pool.

I'm listening. I'm going after a whale.

I think I'm in love. Let's go to war.

That's the thing.

We're not going to war.

Mike, the second whoever it is finds out that you've got five percent of their company,

we're going to war whether you like it or not.

They're not going to find that out because I don't own five percent.

Do I need to give you a tutorial on the procedure?

You start by buying shares. I know what the procedure is, Harvey.

Well, how many shares have you bought? None.

This phrase, "I know what the procedure is"?

I don't think it means what you think it means.

Well, as inconceivable as it might be to you, Harvey,

I'm actually not going in hostile. What are you talking about?

I'm talking about approaching someone to buy their company in order to keep it alive

instead of selling it for parts.

You're offering someone hugs and rainbows.

I'm offering someone the chance to survive

and banking that they'll take that chance rather than give up.

You don't have the money, do you?

No. I don't. But even if I did, I wouldn't use it.

Oh, welcome to what every person who doesn't have money has ever said.

Oh, I get it.

You think this is the meeting where you make fun of my idea.

No, no, no, no, no.

This is the meeting where you realize that my idea is happening

whether you like it or not.

Where's the fun in that meeting? Oh, the fun?

It's all right over here on this side of the table.

Hey, I'll give you a chance to get acquainted with the new reality.

I'll be in my office. Get back to me by the end of the day.

Wow. Looks like our baby boy's all growns up.