Darling

Well, I do want our readers to feel that this is really your story

so I thought I'd, perhaps, ask a few questions

and if you just answer them in your own words.

Yes, I see. All right, ask away.

Well, let's start at the beginning, shall we?

Well, I... I had a terribly ordinary childhood, I'm afraid.

Born at an early age and all that.

Fell off lots of bicycles, ate too many cream cakes.

A normal childhood, you know.

Oh, this is me, age six.

Probably a piece of chewing gum stuck under my hat, only you can't see.

I do remember I was always the sort of child who got picked on to do things.

La-la-la, la-la-la...

What a darling little baby he is!

Joseph was actually my older sister Felicity.

I am afraid I told everyone she'd grown the beard specially for the part.

Felicity, poor thing, was not amused.

You must be very proud of her, Mrs Carter.

She's a darling.

She's going to go a long way.

You can see that.

Yes, I think she is.

This is me, age 20.

I don't know what I was wearing.

Terribly Chelsea I thought I was.

And, really, I suppose I was as square as an ice cube with it.

- Try that one over there. - Right you are.

- What, me on the telly? - It won't take a minute.

How fascinating. You must tell me what to do.

Could you come this way, please, then?

Oh, yes, I hate convention. You can't breathe. You have to break away.

But isn't the breakaway of yesterday the convention of today?

Well, then, you have to break away again.

Just for the sake of it? Isn't that conventional?

The way young people live today. I mean in the way...

they dress... the way they dance, the way they talk even...

That's more conventional than what they're trying to get away from.

Would you say the way I dress is conventional?

Well, you're dressed in the height of fashion and your hair is...

- Oh, I just wash and curl it. - It's fine. We'll use that. Very good.

What's more conventional than that?

How conventional are we in matters of public taste?

The London skyline is constantly altering and yet young architects...

Thank you so much for letting me see the finished product.

- It's a very good programme. - You really think so?

Mm... I thought I looked ghastly but it was a super programme.

Well, I thought you looked super and the programme looked ghastly.

What's more, I'm right too.

No, I thought you looked frightfully lean and intelligent.

I am frightfully lean and intelligent. Not that it helps.

Gosh, you must lead such an interesting life.

Being a professional questioner?

Oh, it's better than being a professional bosom.

What's that?

You should try posing for Bride some time.

I did once. Disaster. A complete disaster.

Oh! Is this yours?

Why, yes, as a matter of fact it is.

This one.

- What do you think I am? Go on... - Oh, my dear...

There's so much junk in this car. I keep on chucking things out...

Have an acid drop.

Oh, yes. I'd love one. Thank you.

- One... two... - Ooh, thank you!

- ...three... - Ooh, dear!

Well, we... we just sort of began to meet, you know.

He had tickets for this or he thought I might be interested in that.

It was really mostly mental to start with.

There was nothing deliberate about it.

We didn't know what we were doing at all.

- Oh, you're a thoroughly rotten shot. - Thoroughly rotten target.

You couldn't hit a dicky bird.

Ooh, buried treasure.

Heads we do, tails we don't.

We do.

Oh, how I'd love to live here.

Well, we'd have to do an awful lot to it.

We'd have to do everything to it.

Yes, you're right.

Do you know these cottages are being carefully rehabilitated?

At great expense.

"And will emerge as unique cottage-type homes of distinction."

Do you want to live in a cottage-type home of distinction?

I wouldn't mind.

With a yellow front door and a carriage lamp to match?

- Absolutely lovely. - You are ghastly. You don't mean it.

I do!

- You are a fantastic girl. - Why?

I don't know. You just are.

Oh, it should be so easy to be happy, shouldn't it?

Should be the easiest thing in the world.

Should be.

I wonder why it isn't.

Maybe it is.

Is it all right for Wednesday?

Yes, it's all right for Wednesday.

I hate this furtiveness. It's so corny.

- It's ever so embarrassing. - What do you want to do, then?

I don't know.

I do know.

I don't know.

I know.

Wife.

Husband.

Come on, darling...

Oh, it's so boring.

Oh, come on, darling.

You started it. It was your idea that we learn the language for our holiday.

Yes and all we'd ever be able to say was, "Oh, what a lovely view!"

Well, I'm getting on with it.

All right, you get on with it.

Of course I loved him dearly.

He was one of the nicest boys in the world.

It's just that he was so desperately immature.

Marriage had been sort of foisted on him.

He just wasn't ready for the responsibility.

He tried nobly but, you know...

He hadn't really got the faintest idea what it was all about.

Now, Mr Southgate, you have the reputation of being something of a...

a lone wolf.

Is this a protest against the establishment?

It's true I have always preferred to be a mouse, walk by itself,

rather than a member of a group of literary lions

always licking each other, washing each other behind the ears,

and biting each other.

And as you know, they're behind bars in a cultural zoo.

- They won't let you print that. - Oh, yes they will, if I fight.

- And will you fight? - He fights.

Er... something else.

Now that you've moved down here, into the country, into virtual isolation...

Robert had marvellous tact. Incredible maturity, sensitivity.

He'd got this funny old bloke spouting his head off. Fascinating.

I'd never met anyone like old Southgate.

Suddenly one felt madly "in", you know.

I mean, to think: "This is one of the great writers of the century and here I am."

Well, it was extraordinary.

I don't really remember much anyone said. That wasn't really the thing.

The thing was, they accepted me.

Oh, I'm just dying to read your books.

They're mostly out of print.

- Do you mind if I help myself? - Please do.

Thank you.

Well, it's been fabulous meeting you.

- Are you a truth-teller? - Yes, I think so.

Is she?

Well... she is with me.

You consider yourself a very lucky man.

Oh, yes, I do.

Gosh, that's marvellous.

I'm glad you like it.

I'd rather have done it than written half my stories.

Probably only took him half an hour, you know.

I should like you to have it.

- Both of you. - I couldn't possibly.

- Please. - It's yours. It belongs to you.

I'm 78 years old, more or less.

Besides, I'd much rather you left this place with this under your arm,

than that recording of antique birdsong.

Thank you.

Just one moment please, I have a call for you.

Go ahead, Ipswich.

Estelle?

- How are the children? - Fine.

I shall have to stay the night.

I'm staying with him actually.

Oh. All right.

So, I'm sorry. Give them my love, will you?

And tell them I'll see them tomorrow.

Mm-hm. Bye.

OK, your go now.

Right, I'll get... some money.

- Euston 4614. - Go ahead, Southampton.

Hello, Tony? Hello, love. I'm still in Southampton.

- Well, hell, what a bore. - It's just as much of a bore for me.

OK, yes. See you tomorrow, then. Bye-bye, darling.

Bye.

Thank you, sir.

Wait till we get these on.

Funny pair, that Mr and Mrs Golden, 409.

I suppose... you've done this sort of thing hundreds of times before.

You're wrong.

I have never.

Not exactly my line either.

I just happen to love you.

I told you.

It is... real, then.

It's the first time I've felt real for a long time.

Me too.

Me one...

Me two...

Go on.

Oh, look. How jazzy!

Every three hours we can call for refreshments.

Welcome.

The thought of breaking up a family was absolutely repellent to me.

If anyone had told me that I was doing anything like that

I would have been horrified.

I have always regarded families as... well... unbustable, you know?

...and there's pictures of Cambridge.

A very convenient door through there, leading to bedroom.