Happy Days

Happy Days is filmed before a studio audience.

We've only had it for a hundred years.

It matches together there.

Oh, boy.

Mom, it's two weeks before Christmas.

Why are we getting the tree now?

Well, your father found a bargain.

We're just going to decorate the house.

Oh, Marion, we got a beauty!

Much better than last year.

I hope you can get it in the door.

Yeah, yeah, we got it.

All right, Richie, now you

lift it high.

Now, on the count of three, Richie,

I'm going to pull it through.

Are you ready? One, two, three.

Attaboy, Richie.

How did you, uh...?

Want some popcorn, Dad?

No.

Are you eating again? Yeah.

Marion, lend me hand with this, will you?

Yes, dear.

What is the matter with him?

He's been acting so strange lately.

Maybe it's the fluoride in the water.

It must be another girl problem.

Marion, I think maybe I ought to

have a talk with Richard alone, huh?

Come on, Joanie, upstairs.

I bet Ginny Picalow knows all of this.

How am I ever going to become an adult?

The same way I did, very slowly.

Aw...

Richard.

Could I talk to you for a minute?

Mm. Sure, Dad.

Listen, uh,

there's a rumor going around

that you've got a crush on somebody.

Oh, brother!

Why does everybody always have to dig around

in my personal affairs?

You know, there are some things that are private to a guy, Dad.

Okay, just forget about it.

No, you brought it up, you've got to hear about it.

Dad, I got to tell you about this.

This thing is driving me bananas.

I can see that.

Oh, Dad, I fell in love.

Well, that's normal.

I fell in love with a poster.

Oh that's not normal, that's craziness!

Oh, that's not crazy...

that is beautiful.

The Wisconsin Cola Girl, huh?

Hey, where did you meet her?

I haven't.

Oh, now I know why you've been eating so much lately.

I went through the same thing once.

One summer I gained 14 pounds

when I fell in love with Jean Harlow.

Dad, you fell in love with Jean Harlow? Yeah.

And you thought about her all the time?

All the time.

And you even dreamt about her?

Even dreamt about her.

Did you wake up all tense?

None of your business.

Dad, Dad, just let me tell you about my dream.

I know that dream, Richard.

No, no, I am not talking about that, Dad.

See, the dream goes like this.

She's the way she is in the poster here, see,

and I come up to her, and she says, "Hiya, handsome.

Where have you been all my life?"

See, and then I begin to answer her...

: I've been waiting for you, sweetheart.

: Humphrey Bogart.

Yeah, that's good, Dad, but that's not what I say.

No?

See, that's my problem.

I don't know what I say.

In the dream, I always wake up

right before I'm about to-to tell her some great line,

and just once, I'd like to hear what it is I say to her.

Richard, your problem is not an unusual one.

I mean, you shouldn't be embarrassed about it.

Everybody has dreams.

Listen, why don't you talk it over with your friends.

They're not going to laugh at you.

Cunningham, are you serious?

I mean, having dreams about a poster?

It's a dream, Fonz. Didn't you ever have dreams?

Hey, wait a minute, Cunningham.

I am not a dreamer.

I am the dreamee.

She's so beautiful.

She's so beautiful, I can't get her out of my mind.

I'll tell you something, I cannot believe this.

After all these years of training,

you've fallen in love with a poster.

It's unnatural, I'm telling you, Rich, it's unnatural.

What do you want to do, get married, have little postcards?

So beautiful. Cunningham, Cunningham...

Excuse me.

She's so beautiful.

Speak, beautiful.

Yeah, of course it's on for tonight.

Yeah, of course I'm still ticklish.

Oh.

Okay, so the thing is...

you can't do that with a poster,

you understand what I'm talking about?

You got to go for real chicks, huh, huh?

Look at her, Fonz.

This already is not bad.

All right, all right, all right, that's okay, all right,

she's a very pretty girl,

but, uh, see pictures don't tell you everything you want to know,

like what about her head? She might be an empty noodle.

No, no. No chance of that.

She finished top ten in her class. Uh-huh?

All right, all right, so she's not an empty noodle.

All right, she's a smart chick, right? Yeah.

Let me tell you something about smart chicks...

dull, very, very dull.

Well, in this article here...

says she likes swimming,

horseback riding, and motorcycles.

She likes motorcycles.

It's hopeless, huh?

No, wait a minute, I'll find something,

I'll find something, just wait a minute.

All right, all right,

from the waist up she looks like Jayne Mansfield, right?

She sure does.

What about from the waist down?

She could be Daffy Duck.

What are you, a walking scrapbook?

Huh?

Uh-huh. All right, all right,

I've got one more piece of advice for you, Rich.

Whatever you do... lie, cheat, steal...

you meet this chick! This is no Daffy Duck here!

A lot of traffic downtown.

Where have you been?

We had to drive three blocks

before I found a meter with some time left on it.

I would have given you a penny.

Where's Potsie?

He'll be right up.

They made him use the service entrance.

Oh, great.

All right, all right, now listen.

We've got to try and fool this guy,

so I can get my poster girl's telephone number.

Right. We've got to pretend like...

we're sophisticated, hardware businessmen.

Exactly. So no clowning, Ralph.

Does this look like the cigar of a clown?

Thank you for seeing us.

Right. J.B., want me to shut the door?

No, don't bother, I've got it.

That's great!

Can I see that again? No.

I've got to get that for my car.

All right, boys, let's get at the business at hand.

I've a modeling agency to run here.

Right, J.B.

J.B., I represent

the Inter-Global Advertising Agency, and this is

my very wealthy client, Richard Cunningham III,

of Cunningham Hardware Enterprises.

Aren't you boys a little young

to get involved in business?

"Young"? (Ralph and Richie laugh)

That's what they said about Adolphe Menjou.

They did?

J.B., we have an idea here,

and we think it could be big.

Now, you've no doubt heard

of the Cunningham Hardware chain?

I can't say that I have.

You haven't?

Well, really, B.J...