Norman

Subtitles by flitze

Swift was being satirical, right?

And that is very different than if he were being ironic.

But satire is not to be confused with...

irony.

Now, can anybody give me an example of the latter?

Can anyone give me an example of irony?

Uh-huh.

Terrific.

Oh, Helen, what a surprise.

The alum from the character development program, did he?

Yes?

How so?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't really support your point.

Can anybody help Helen out before I fail her?

And kill myself?

What I think Helen is trying to say is...

Sorry?

- Hello. - Hi there.

You know, there's this fantastic bit of protocol that students really,

for generations, have been enjoying that looks a little something like...

Well, hi, Mr. Long. Do you have a... yes?

I think what Helen's trying to say is that it's ironic

that we had a motivational speaker professing his happiness that didn't seem very...

- happy. - Hmm.

I mean, what was the budget for this thing — ten bucks and a cafeteria lunch?

Alright, I didn't realize we were an AP open mic.

Um, alright, well, barring your last comment,

your point is that the speaker's demeanor was ironic,

but not so much his speech. Is that right?

I mean, they both have to exist in order to create the irony, but...

I also take issue with the speech itself.

Okay, you do. How so?

I mean, life isn't rainy, and then sunny.

It's happy, then it's sad.

It's just nature, birth to death.

God,

you should have been born in France.

Little Camus.

I mean, that's an awfully bleak view, don't you think, for someone who's only 17 years old?

- I'm 18. - Really?

I for one would like to hear that life view in full if possible at an assembly.

And given that our character development program is nominating four people this semester,

I'm going to nominate you as a representative for the senior class.

Mr. Angelo, I was just trying to help Helen out. Why don't you just make her do it?

I actually happen to appreciate your life perspective and would love to hear it.

No, it's just I'm the last person that should be doing this.

- Well, you're doing it. - Awesome!

Okay, and that was sarcasm...

which we don't really have time for, but we'll get to next week.

How was class?

I think Angelo thinks I'm hiding Osama.

He's just like that. I had him last year.

He's making me do that motivational speech thing.

Okay, maybe he does hate you.

But look, I got drama team later today.

We're doing these auditions, so I won't be able to drive you home till, say, 4:30 latest.

Yeah, okay.

Hey, you know what?

You should come audition for the team next time.

Bright lights, an audience, all the attention you ever wanted.

- It might be fun, really. - No.

Tell me again why you have to audition for a club.

Norman, it's not a club. It's a team.

We compete.

Do you get letter jackets?

What's it gonna be today?

- Can I play? - Sure.

We'd love for you to play with us.

Oh.

Okay. Cool.

I'm sorry...

I was just being ironic.

Go read a comic!

- See you tomorrow. - See you tomorrow.

Hey, pops.

- How are you doing? - Yeah, good.

Did Dr. Malloy call back with your lab stuff?

No, no. At least another day.

So, how was school?

Uh, that was alright.

I got in trouble with the English teacher.

Mr. Snyder?

What?

Oh, no, that was last year.

- Really? - Yeah. Dad, did you see this letter?

Probably not.

They all kind of look the same to me.

Well, this one has big red letters on it.

A lot of them do.

It's the third notice from the phone company.

Are they gonna shut us off?

- Apparently. - And when?

Supposedly...

yesterday.

Oh.

Well, who needs a phone anyway?

Oh, come on. I'll take care of it.

- I will. - Mm-hmm.

Don't you worry one little bit.

...

There was something missing.

John?

Alright.

It's almost done.

Hey, Dad, is it, uh, true...

that back then, uh, men and women...

slept in different beds, you know, like, married men and women?

Well, Norman, the truth is that back then, men had very, very long penises,

and they had to sleep in separate beds.

With all of our technology and industrial know-how,

we still don't have the one thing that could give us a better way of life.

Well, hi, Norman.

Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?

- Yeah. - Yeah, I, uh...

I just wanted to, um...

apologize if I was rude in class the other day and, uh...

Yeah, well, that's it.

Well, you know, I appreciate that. Honestly.

Oh, hey, good news.

Your, uh...

your nomination as official senior speaker went through.

Oh, yeah, but I was sort of hoping that I wouldn't have to do it, you know?

- Oh, of course you have to. - But I just apologized.

Norman, my signing you up for that speech wasn't a punishment.

It had nothing to do with you being rude.

I mean, I genuinely liked your perspective.

Okay, but you heard it. I mean, that's it.

That's... that's as good as it gets.

I've got nothing else to give.

Yeah, I don't know.

I have kind of a hard time believing that.

Okay?

It's gonna be great.

Thanks, Norman.

- Oh! - Oh!

- Oh! - Shit!

Sorry.

Hold on.

Um... Here.

- Here. This... - I'm really late.

- Sorry. - Yeah.

Alright.

Okay.

Thanks for helping me pick up my books.

Why, gee, you're welcome, random girl.

Hey, you're hot. We should date.

Yeah, I wanna kiss you, babe.

Hey!

I forgot to say thanks.

I'd rather slit my wrists than go in there, James.

So you're really just gonna sit out here and wait for me to drive you home?

- I hope you change your mind. - Mm-hmm.

Have fun.

Shut up.

My name's James.

I'm the senior class captain of the drama team this year.

Now, if you're not here for a society of thespians, you're in the wrong place.

If you're here for a society of lesbians,

my mother's book club meets on Tuesdays.

First up...

the new student in our midst,

the lovely Emily Harris.

No me!

It's called "Here's What I Like About Acting So Much," um...

for Acting America...

by Gilda von Trapp, aged eight.

Eight?

Acting is fun.

It's cool.

Stage lights are hot, but that's okay. Um...

you're supposed to sweat a lot.

That's when my mom says she knows that daddy's doing a really good job.

Sometimes, when it's really dark and quiet, and I'm all alone,

except for my imaginary friend, Rita, and her imaginary dog, Woofness,

and his magical elephant Nippy,

I like to pretend that I'm somebody else.

And that's why I like acting, because it makes me feel free.

And that's what America's all about, is being free.

And that's why I'm applying to Acting America, because they both stand for free.

You could call it free-free.

Yes!

Awesome!

Uh, yeah, uh, no, thank you.

Thank you, Emily.

Alright, next up, we have Kalmin Zmoski.

Is that Polish?

Hey.

Um...

Um...

Thank you.

Alright, uh, next up, we have Helen Black.

Hey.

Hello, again.

You okay?

What? Yeah, I'm fine.

- Okay. - Thanks.

Thanks for being my only fan back there.