Rafferty and the Gold Dust Twins

Ladies and gentlemen,

let's hear it for Colonel Skaters, US army.

Ladies and gentlemen, My Country Tis of Thee.

- Mr. Rafferty. - Good morning, Mrs. Harrison.

I know all about it. I'll hit you this afternoon.

Yeah, you're late with the rent again.

No good to be late with the rent twice, Mr. Rafferty.

Hey! Come on man. You kidding me with that shit?

Come on!

The enemy.

Good luck, soldier.

'Can I see your papers, please?

Okay.

This is your official drivers test.

For the next few minutes, I'm gonna ask you to make

a series of simple driving maneuvers in order to determine

whether you're capable under California State law

of operating a motor vehicle safely.

- This is my third time. - Excuse me?

I failed twice.

Well, let's hope you do better today.

Okay, you can start the car

and start moving up the street to the stop sign.

Geez, that always happens.

It's okay, we don't start the test until we're outside

and out of the parking area.

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

Okay. Once again now, please.

Not so good, huh?

I'm not passing, am I?

Sorry, I'm not allowed to answer that.

Yeah yeah yeah...

I don't understand this license thing, anyway.

Every time I turn around

somebody wants to slap a fist on me.

Hey, is this bothering you?

- Let me say this. - Yeah.

I drive and I make a very good living.

- I sell door to door. - Watch your head.

Sell this stuff.

Everybody needs something, I make a good living.

Somebody always needs something. You know what I'm saying?

- And the whole point of the... - Make a right at that corner.

Did you see the tits on that girl?

Jesus Christ, look at the jugs on that lady.

Hey, listen sweetheart, darling, wait one minute.

No, no, no, no, it's okay.

Sweetheart. I don't know. Honey. Everything's alright.

Hey, listen, I can get something

for you wholesale. Anything you need.

Hey.

Hey, you there, in the blue sweater.

Toss it here.

Throw it here. The Frisbee.

Not too good, are you?

Hold on.

- You want to learn? - No, thanks.

I'm more for them indoor sports.

- What you got there? - Bourbon.

Isn't it early to be drinking, ain't it?

Not if you're thirsty.

- Mind if I have a sip? - No.

- Want some? - Frisbee don't drink or smoke.

You're Frisbee? That's your name, Frisbee?

- Yes, something wrong? - No.

Frisbee ain't got a real name.

So she calls herself somethin' different each week.

What's your name last week, hon?

Samantha.

Last night playing pool she met this boy

she could run the table playing nine-ball.

Yeah, if we could've stayed a little longer

I could've won us five more games.

Lost five dollars.

Hey, Frisbee, how old are you?

Thirty seven.

Oh, go on.

Fifteen.

Well...

- Where are you goin'? - Back to work.

Thank you for brightening up my lunch hour.

- See ya. - Hey, wait up.

Listen, give us, give us a ride, we're just going into Hollywood.

Thanks. Hey, get our stuff, and don't forget the Frisbee.

See if we can find the key.

Never seen a white man drive a car like this.

Come on, get in.

Well, it doesn't look like much but I can tell you

it's in top notch mechanical condition.

Want to kill it, Mac?

Her name's McKinley. I call her Mac.

Excuse me?

Typical oaky, all she thinks about is whisky and sad songs.

Got a brain about the size of a pea.

Listen to her.

You're from Oklahoma?

- Nashville. - Oh, come off it.

You know you're from Arizona.

Oh, yeah, Arizona?

Well, I can tell you that some of the finest guys

in my outfit root from Arizona.

It's true.

Yeah, I was in the Marine Corp for 20 years.

I signed up the day I got outta high school.

Me and a bunch of guys went down

the recruiting office and that was it.

Most of them just stayed in like two, four years

but I stayed the whole 20. Twenty years.

So did you ever shoot anyone?

No. Just once in basic training I shot a guy in the foot.

So...

I never saw any combat duty. They put me into supply.

I became a supply sergeant.

Twenty years, that's pretty near your whole life.

Yeah. Life is, that's what they call you, life is.

So you never really shot anybody?

No, not on purpose.

I spent most of my time just getting drunk, really.

But I ended up a gunnery sergeant, that's pretty good.

Gunnery sergeant.

Gunnery Sergeant Rafferty.

Yeah, the troops call you Gunny

or in my case, Gunny Rafferty.

Where you guys goin'?

I gonna make a right turn on Highland

so I can drop you somewhere around there.

Yeah, sure.

How much money do you say you have?

- About 65 cents. - Well...

Here.

Keep it, we don't need money. Keep it.

I mean, you're on the road. You'll need money to eat.

Just keep it.

You girls sure blow hot, and cold, don't you?

- Get in the right lane. - Hey.

- Get in the right. - Take it easy.

What's goin' on here?

You'll see.

Hey, hey, hey, get that thing away from my head.

- Will you? What? - Get on the freeway.

I can't go to, Frank. I got to get back to work.

Get on.

Okay, alright, alright. Take it easy.

- Now where? - New Orleans.

- What? - New Orleans. Check his gas.

You're not serious?

Sure I am. He's got plenty of gas.

Come on. This is some kind of joke.

Let's see, we take, 15 to Baker, gas up

and then continue on to Vegas.

Then we can go over to Flagstaff

and drop down to Phoenix.

Then we'll take 50 from Phoenix, pick up 40

and shoot down to San Antonio. Got that?

You're not taking me anywhere. I'm pulling off.

Don't shoot!

You better start sobering up, Gunny.

Try that again, and I'll blow the top of your head off.

Look at him, big old ex-marine.

Hey, don't look so upset. We're gonna...

...we're gonna teach you okay.

Just let him drive.

- Just trying to relax him. - I said, cut it out.

Hey, let's get some ice cream.

Hey, that's a good idea. Pull over.

What you're gonna have, Gunny?

- What will it be? - Three vanillas.

I'm being kidnapped...

...by these two girls.

Call the police.

Big kidder.

Come on, Gunny. He does this all the time.

Forty-five cents.

Call the department of motor vehicles.

- Hollywood branch. - Immediately.

Leave the engine running.