Evil Never Sleeps

*

- Oh, sorry we had to leave the carnival early.

I just really didn't like the look of those troublemakers.

Don't worry, our next date will be clown free.

Okay.

- NORA, CHLOE & BILLY: Ooooooh!

See ya, buddy.

Yeah!

Alert! Alert!

Incoming transmission from Super President Kickbutt.

- NORA, CHLOE & BILLY: Ooooooh!

- Okay, how does that even make sense?

Hello, Phoebe.

The Hero League needs you to investigate

one of our most dastardly super villains.

You must tell no one.

- This is so awesome. My first big take-down.

Who's the unlucky, soon

- Evil Man. - Well, he is goin' down.

I'm sorry, did you say Evil Man?

As in Link's Dad, Evil Man?

- Even though he claims he's retired,

we have evidence that suggests he's up to his old tricks.

- Okay, um, if it's all right with you,

before I investigate my boyfriend's dad for being evil,

I'm gonna have to see some of this so-called evidence.

- Guess who has two thumbs and just got hired

by Evil Man to be his evil protégé?

This guy!

Viva la evil!

Evil Man just hired Max to--Oh...

Yeah, we're good.

*

* What you see

* Is not what you get

* Livin' our lives with a secret *

* We fit right in

* Bet you never guessed

* 'Cause we're livin' our lives *

* Just like all the rest

* A picture perfect family *

* Is what we try to be

* Look closer, you might see *

* The crazy things we do

* This isn't make believe *

* It's our reality

* Just your average family

* Trying to be normal and stay out of trouble *

* Livin' a double life

- Look, Phoebe, I'm a superhero, too.

I'm Popper Fingers.

- Oh, sorry, Cherry, I'm just, um...

I'm distracted thinking about something.

Maybe I can help.

Well, it's just that--

unh, I probably shouldn't tell you this.

Um, okay, I have a superhero friend named "Fiona"

whose boyfriend's dad

is a huge villain named, um, "Evil Stan."

- That Stan sounds like an evil man.

- He's retired now but, if he's up to no good again,

"Fiona" has to turn him in.

- Fiona better turn that man in.

- But what about her boyfriend--

"Crink"?

- Crink, schmink, she's a superhero.

Besides, what if his dad does something horrible--

like erases November?

My birthday's in November.

- You're right, Fiona has to do what's right.

Also, your birthday's in December.

*

Yeah, yeah, got it. All right.

Thanks again for bringing me on

to teach me your evil ways, Evil Man.

- Hey, hey, hey. Here, I'm Mr. Evilman.

Right. Your cover.

Mild-mannered owner of this family mattress store.

- First of all, thanks to bedbug season,

we're doing quite well.

And, second, I only hired you

because a tiny lady just quit on me

and you look like you'll fit the uniform.

- You're doing a great job at pretending you don't like me.

You brought your daddy

to wipe your boom-boom on your first day?

- Hey, I handle my own boom-boom.

And I thought he left after he dropped me off.

Hank! - Oh, hey.

- Well, I see your butt has good taste.

You found the couchtress-- part couch, part mattress,

all comfort.

Oh, ho, ho, ho!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Comfort ain't cheap.

- Ah, I'm gonna have to sleep on it.

- When he wakes up, I'll close the deal.

- Whoa, whoa, that's not your job.

That is your job.

Any time someone comes in or leaves,

you make sure those doors get closed.

All the cold air's gettin' out!

Oh, I get it.

Keeping the doors shut teaches me

to keep my mouth shut if I'm ever interrogated.

- Wink at me again and I'll take your eyelids.

- Come on, Chloe, we're leaving for the park.

Let's do it!

Let's un-do it.

- What are you talking about?

She looks adorable.

Come on, sweetie, let's go put on some sunscreen, hm?

- We cannot let her go to the park like that.

Everyone will laugh at her.

- I know. She went to the zoo last week,

and she got more looks than that chimp

chewing on that poor kid's ear.

Better.

All right, let's go.

Uh, yeah, about the park.

I bet it's really crowded, don't you think, Billy?

I'll check.

It is packed. A ten-kid pile-up on the slide.

- Oh, well, I guess we'll have to go another time.

Come on, Chloe.

- We just saved Chloe from total embarrassment.

Up top.

- Ow! That's not how it works!

*

- Tie clip cam, meet Max's ugly tie.

Together, you are gonna show me

what twisted shenanigans Evil Man is up to.

But, first, extreme close-up!

Whoa! Whoa!

- I can't find anything comfortable in the whole house.

Hey, looking good, Max.

You, uh, on your way to a dweeb rally?

You goin' to a--

you're a dweeb rally?

- Hey, Max, do you need a ride to the couchtress?

I'm aware of what I said.

Meet me at the car!

- Uh, Phoebe, have you seen my tie?

- Oh, yeah, it's right over there.

Mom said she left a gift on it for you.

Oh, fancy.

I'll be the best-dressed guy at my new evil job.

I mean, regular job.

- Oh, it's become a problem.

It was a bed and like that...

it's this thing.

Whoa, the future is now.

I'll take one. - Awesome.

Uh, pull your car around, we'll get you taken care of.

- Max. - Uh, sorry.

I'll get back to the doors.

- No, no, no, no. I'm impressed.

I'm promoting you to sales trainee.

- Is that code for "evil deputy"?

- You can call yourself whatever you want,

so long as you keep pushin' the cushion.

- Come on. You brought your dad back?

Hank?

Hank!

Ah!

Come on.

You just can't sit on the couchtress all day.

This is a big decision.

I need to simulate my exact nighttime routine.

Can you rub my feet and let me talk about my day?

Uh-oh. Oh.

Hey! Ho! Ho! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Sorry, sorry, sorry, this mattress isn't for sale.

How about some, uh, some stickers for the kid?

There we go. So...so cute.

I'm...I'm so sorry.

You cannot sell this mattress.

It's my nap mattress.

Okay? So don't go near it again.

You got it?

Go rub your dad's feet.

- He sure is acting weird about that sad little bed.

I'm sensing twisted shenanigans.

No one.

Where are you going?

Nowhere.

- All right, then. - Don't wait up.

*

- That feeling you're experiencing right now,

Chloe, is awesomeness.

My head itches.

- What in Bikini Bottom is happening right now?

You two look exactly alike.

- You're right, she looks great and she's lovin' it.

My head is on fire.

- Girl, your whole look is on fire.

*

Thanks for coming with me, Cherry.

Well, it was either this

or stay at home and watch my dad clip his toenails.