black-ish

Dre: Life is hectic in my house.

Virtually every hour of my day is scheduled,

without a moment to lose.

So every moment I'm standing around is a moment wasted.

Guys, some on! We've got to hustle!

Jack, Diane, Devante, let's go!

Ready to go, big guy.

Boy, not you.

I'm talking about my son, Devante.

There are six Black kids at his school.

How did you end up tutoring the only other kid named Devante?

This is the one I'm talking about. Let's roll.

That's why you can bet I put a dollar value

on every minute of my free time.

Hey, Dad. Hey.

Olivia and I have an extra ticket

to an amazing cheese tasting. Care to join us?

It's all Humboldt County goat cheeses.

That's gonna be a big fat "hell no."

I'm not about to waste $500 of my time

to taste some nasty cheese from a funky goat.

Come on, old man, expand your mind!

No.

Hey, good news, baby. If you come with me

to a one-hour timeshare presentation,

we get three nights free in San Pedro!

Come on, go with me, baby!

Mama, thank you, but I'm good.

Fine, I'll ask the White lady next door.

I bet she's dying to get some vacation braids.

Oh, my God! We just got invited

to the most incredible charity event.

Pass. You owe me.

What?

Babe? Rainbow: Yes?

I know it's your birthday weekend... Yes.

But I got us tickets to Clippers Fan Fest!

Hyah!

Unfortunately, I married someone

whose time is also valuable.

Damn.

Rainbow: Come on, Dre, don't make that face.

What? It's not like I invited you to a timeshare presentation.

This is an event for a great cause.

Look, "When We All Vote works to change the culture

around voting and increase voter turnout

by helping to close the age and race gap

at the polls."

Plus, it says there's a special guest.

It's gonna be John Legend.

It's always John Legend!

Dre, this is a cause that we both care about!

And the Thompsons might be there. Ah!

Ugh, the Thompsons.

What?! The Thompsons are really nice people,

and I think that if we spent time with them,

we would really click.

No way.

Alright? No couple friends. Why not?

Because no one ever likes each other equally.

And I don't want to get stuck making small talk

with some dude just nodding along,

telling me about the 55 ways to fix up an old canoe.

That canoe was really nice.

Hey, guys!

Don't forget, tonight is movie night!

And we are gonna find out

what they are so "Fast and Furious" about.

Uh-huh. I'm-a tell ya, I think it's air pollution.

Uh... Sorry, we have plans.

Yeah. With who?

Friends.

Where?

Out.

Yo, you hear this dude?

Yeah. They're crazy.

Don't wait up.

Wow.

- Okay. - Alright.

Well, you know what, Dre?

This is why we need couple friends.

Come on, we'll go there, we'll meet some people.

It's gonna be fun.

Come on. Go with me.

Fine! Yes!

I'll go.

But I'm wearing sneakers with my suit,

and I don't want to hear a word about it.

Fine.

Even though Bow's adult play date

wasn't until the weekend,

I was already dreading hanging out with other couples.

Okay, Dre, what's going on?

Oh, no, let me... let me guess.

Uh, the NFL has fired its only Black head coach?

No. Oh.

Bow is making me go to this charity event

because she thinks we need couple friends.

Who needs couple friends?

I wish I had couple friends... or really even any friends.

Aw, couple friends are a complete waste of time.

Trust me. The woman always falls in love with you,

and the man always wants a boat loan.

If you don't want to go to the charity event,

I'll be happy to escort Bow.

At the dinner table, lookin' all fine.

What's this? Someone's passing around a bowl.

Okay, I'll put my keys in.

I'm a little unsure at first.

Rainbow is perfect.

With so many beautiful types of fruit,

I'd be foolish to limit myself to just one...

Okay, Charlie, - it's not that kind of party. - Oh.

Alright? These events are always the same,

with Bow trying to make us be friends

with interesting women and their dud husbands.

You know, so many journalists and college professors.

Never anything that's useful, like a Formula 1 driver or...

or a celebrity chef.

Or a friendly D.A. who can "lose" the paperwork

when you're charged with trafficking panda cubs.

Exactly!

Look, I don't mind writing the check,

but my whole night is ruined when Bow does that stuff.

Like, hell, I'd rather go to.

Devante's kindergarten drum recital.

Hell, I'll take her to the drum recital.

Wait, someone's passing a bowl around.

What's this?

They're swapping kids.

Someone hands me a child.

I guess he's mine now.

Charlie?

I will be taking my wife to every event,

including this one, even if it is a total waste of time.

But I will tell you this.

I am playing hard to get.

I will not be saddled with a dud again.

I kept my word and went to the charity event with Bow,

and it was exactly what I thought... full of duds.

And we are so grateful that you have joined us

to support When We All Vote.

We're a nonpartisan initiative that empowers people to vote,

hold our elected officials accountable,

and protects the right to cast a ballot.

We need your help to build an engaged electorate

for today and for generations to come.

Yeah.

Cheers. Thank you so much for your support.

Hey! Wonderful.

Thank you for having us.

Hon? Yes?

Yeah, uh, we've been here for an hour.

Mm-hmm. Can we put these spinach puffs

in our pockets and break out of here?

No, Dre, we cannot do that.

Why? Just... Just be a nice person.

Be a nice... Babe, let's break out.

What?

Isn't that... Who is that?

Sweet Black Jesus.

- That's not John Legend. - I know.

Ruby: Hey! What y'all lookin' so happy about?

Did you make my baby take marijuana?

What?! No, we just, um...

We met somebody special.

Like, special special.

They might not want to hear. - About who we met tonight. - Oh, probably not.

It was Michelle Obama!

Michelle Obama?!

Are you sure it was really her?

You'll been fooled

by Barack Obama impersonators before.

Okay, he was pretending not to be himself

so he wouldn't draw a crowd, fool.

And we know it was her because we connected

like we've known each other forever,

and we had a conversation that was about being parents...

Mm-hmm... Professionals...

Yes... and honestly, it was... what's the word?

Oh...

Both: Magical.

Hmm.

How do you know she feels the same way about you?

Yeah. This is the same boy who thought he made eye contact

with Janet on the Rhythm Nation tour.

- Yeah. - And then he went back to school,

telling everybody that she was his girlfriend.

She looked into my soul.

We know because I got Michelle Obama's phone number.

And she will be joining us for dinner here Saturday night.

Ho-ho-ho-ho! What?!

Oh, my God, - this is amazing! - Ruby: They lyin'.

I am gonna start work shopping ideas on how to greet her.

"Hello" does not feel special enough. It's not.

She's not gonna want to meet you